Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2

Joker:
That's why I'm gonna kill everyone in this room.

David Endocrine:
Okay. I think that's a little more insight than we had in mind.

Dr. Bartholomew Wolper:
It's okay, he doesn't really mean that. He's just trying to ease the tension.

David Endocrine:
Funny way to go about it.

Dr. Bartholomew Wolper:
You have to remember, this man isn't responsible for those killings. He's merely a victim of the Batman's psychotic obsession.

Joker:
I thought I was Batman's psychotic obsession.

David Endocrine:
So you think the Batman's the real sicko here.

Dr. Bartholomew Wolper:
Without a doubt. He's an obsessive-compulsive, narcissistic hero-complexed sociopath. I would love a shot at him as a patient.

Joker:
[holds up coffee mug] Do guests get to keep these?

David Endocrine:
Heh. Sure, you do whatever you want with it. We got a closet full of them.

[Joke smashes the coffee mug and slits Dr. Wolper's throat]

Joker:
So long as you won't miss it.

Batman:
I didn't have to go easy on you. A different binding agent, a stronger mix... I want you to remember that. I wanted to remind you to stay out of my way. In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember the one man who beat you!

Batman:
No more! All the people I've murdered... [uppercuts Joker]... by letting you live.

Joker:
[Spits blood] I never kept count.

Batman:
I did!

Joker:
I know. And I love you for it. [Slashes Batman's chest] It's finally here, isn't it? The moment we've both dreamed about! [as Joker's about to stab Batman through the eye, his vision blurs] Oh, don't tell me you're gonna fall asleep before we finish? You have gotten old, haven't you? [Batman punches Joker off him and throws him against a wall, choking him] Not quite how I imagined it, but we can still end on a high note! [Joker stabs Batman in the torso three times while laughing maniacally. Batman twists his neck enough to paralize him but not kill as two witnesses run away] You're in trouble now... Go ahead. Say this has never happened to you before.

Batman:
Shut up...

Joker:
Make me! Come on! Finish me!... Ah, doesn't matter. I win. I made you lose control. Heh-heh-ha, and they'll kill you for it. Eh-heh-heh! See you... in hell! Ah-ha-ha-ha! [Joker twists his own neck to kill himself]

Carrie Kelley:
How do you fight someone like that?

Bruce Wayne:
Simpler than I've made it. There's nothing wrong with Joker that I can't fix. With my hands.

Commissioner Gordon:
The groceries? Now?

Sarah Essen Gordon:
Wanna eat tonight?

Commissioner Gordon:
I'm going.

Sarah Essen Gordon:
Be careful. And no cigars.

Batman:
Ever ride a horse before?

Robin:
Don't think I've ever seen a horse before.

Batman:
You're about to learn fast.

Batman:
Tonight I am going to maintain order in Gotham City. You are going to help me. But not with these. These are loud and clumsy. These are the weapons of cowards.

[snaps rifle in half]

Batman:
Our weapons are precise and quiet. In time I will teach them to you. But for tonight, you will rely on your brains and your fists. Tonight, we are the law. Tonight, I am the law.

Bruce Wayne:
What is it you want, Oliver?

Oliver Queen:
A piece of him. The schoolboy. I always knew it would come down to the two of you someday. The world's not big enough for the both of you. Doesn't have to be a big piece. Just count me in, for old times' sake.

Alfred Pennyworth:
You're not even close to fully recovered.

Bruce Wayne:
Neither is he.

Alfred Pennyworth:
He doesn't need a walking hospital bed to keep his insides together.

Bruce Wayne:
I know you're not looking forward to your part in this.

Alfred Pennyworth:
I can't say it will be pleasant. But it does fall within my duties.

Batman:
He'll still be weak, between the nuke and so little sunlight. Just how weak we'll see when he finds my first surprise.

Robin:
Yeah, but how long you expect to last against him?

Batman:
Long enough.

Robin:
Boss. I'm trying to get the plan here. I mean, you gonna die tonight or what?

Batman:
Figure I will.

Superman:
[to Robin] Isn't this a school night, young lady?

Batman:
You say you answer to some sort of authority. They only want me dead because I'm an embarrassment. Because I do what they can't. What kind of authority is that?

Superman:
It doesn't matter. It's their world, and they won't stand for you anymore. If it isn't me, it'll just be someone else.

Batman:
Really? Who do they send after you?

Superman:
What are you doing? Do you want me to kill you?

Batman:
Oh, you're not going to kill me. Now.

[Oliver Queen fires a kryptonite arrow at Superman, he grabs it as it explodes in his face]

Batman:
It wasn't easy to make, Clark. It took years and cost a fortune. Luckily, I had both.

Robin:
Eyes downside, spud.

Oliver Queen:
Hi-ho freaking silver.

Joker:
[after Batman throws a Batarang in the Joker's eye, partially blinding him] Are you out of your mind?

Batman:
I'm through playing, Joker!

Joker:
Be still, my heart.