Carry on Henry

Cardinal Wolsey:
A drink, Ma'am?

Queen Marie:
Thank you.

Cardinal Wolsey:
I can heartily recommend the porter here.

Queen Marie:
Really? Then do send him up to my room later.

King Henry VIII:
Her figure's all right. What about her face?

Thomas Cromwell:
I am assured, sire, it is the fairest in all Normandy.

King Henry VIII:
What about her... [indicates hourglass figure]

Thomas Cromwell:
The fullest in all Normandy.

King Henry VIII:
Has she been chaste?

Thomas Cromwell:
All over Normandy.

Thomas Cromwell:
Sign this!

Sir Roger de Lodgerley:
Without even reading it?

Thomas Cromwell:
I'll read it to you. It's just a simple little confession. "In as much as I, Roger de Lodgerley, of Bedside Manor, Wilts, hereinafter referred to as the party of the first part, did unlawfully, with malice aforethought and without taking due precaution, on the night of October 4th last, admire, covet, blandish, cosset, seduce and otherwise get at Marie, spouse to Henry Tudor, hereinafter referred to as the party of the second part, I do now hereby solemnly declare, and in witness thereof I append my signature below, that the resulting issue, herein after referred to as the party of the third part, is the direct consequence of the joining together of the party of the first part's and the party of the second part's parts."

Lord Hampton of Wick:
Oh, Fawkes! [When Guy Fawkes blows himself up with his own gunpowder]