Toy Soldiers

Jonathan "Snuffy" Bradberry:
Man, this stuff is great. It's opening up my lungs, it's making me breathe easier.

Ricardo Montoya:
Evidently it's making you fart easier, too.

Jonathan "Snuffy" Bradberry:
I didn't fart.

Ricardo Montoya:
It's the first rule of prep school etiquette. When you're in a basement with no windows, don't fart.

Jonathan "Snuffy" Bradberry:
No, the first rule of prep school etiquette is to pretend you're asleep when your roommate's beating off.

Henry "Hank" Giles, III:
No, the first rule of prep school etiquette is to wait until your roommate falls asleep before beating off.

Dean Parker:
Do you think you're the first kid to put liquor in mouthwash bottles? It was done in my day. I may have even done it myself.

Luis Cali:
What does your father do, William?

William "Billy" Tepper:
He's a contractor.

Luis Cali:
According to this he owns the third largest construction company in the world.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Yeah, he's a contractor.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Come on man, get up. We've gotta strike back or I'm going to look like a douche bag in front of the entire school.

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
You were born looking like a douche bag.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Great, the school gets taken over by terrorists and I'm still on pots and pans.

Derek 'Yogurt':
I'm Derek and he's Ted, and, yes, this is OUR room.

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
Not anymore.

Frank Ingram, Guard:
Dean's waiting for you guys back in your room.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Pleasure knowing you.

William "Billy" Tepper:
All right, what now?

Derek 'Yogurt':
All right, all right. Very, very carefully take the red chip out of the receiver.

William "Billy" Tepper:
There is no red chip.

Derek 'Yogurt':
There must be.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Well I'm sorry, there isn't. There's a blue chip the same size as the red chip, but there's no red chip.

Derek 'Yogurt':
That must be it then.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Well is it, or isn't it?

Derek 'Yogurt':
I don't know.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Yes, mouthwash... but maybe not.

William "Billy" Tepper:
I wasn't saying your breath stinks. Why do you take everything so personally? Damn, Hank.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Gentlemen, here's to Mr. Donohugue.

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
Yes, to Phil. May he get laid while on the outside.

Jennifer:
Oh, tell me what you look like.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Uh, well... I've got blonde hair, and um, I wear an earring in my left ear, I'm about 5'9", 150 pounds... did I mention I'm black?

William "Billy" Tepper:
If you're going to kick me out, kick me out. Don't make me look like a nark to my friends.

Dean Parker:
If we expelled you that would make four prep schools in four years. Are you trying for the Guinness Book of Records?

Dean Parker:
I'm not going to expel you. Three schools have done that and it's obviously done nothing for your character... I'm going to do much worse. I am going to keep you here until you graduate. It'll probably take years at this rate.

William "Billy" Tepper:
I might wear you out before then.

Dean Parker:
Oh don't you worry about wearing me out. I'm going to wear you out.

Headmaster:
Try not to laugh.

Dean Parker:
I'm trying.

Henry "Hank" Giles, III:
Well, we managed to stay together anyways.

Ricardo Montoya:
Yeah, that's my ambition in life - to die with you guys.

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
We can't just sit by and let these bastards f*** with our lives.

Henry "Hank" Giles, III:
Do we have a choice?

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
Yes.

Jonathan "Snuffy" Bradberry:
Um, guys? Can we change the subject? I'd like to go to bed without wetting my pants.

Ricardo Montoya:
You can't smoke in the dorms.

Jonathan "Snuffy" Bradberry:
What are they going to do? Kick me out?

Joey:
There's one of them at the end of the hall.

Joey:
So we make some noise and we get him in here and then we jump him.

Joey:
Billy. He's got a f***ing machine gun. With a f***ing machine gun we can shred these f***ers.

William "Billy" Tepper:
What kind of stuff do they have?

William "Billy" Tepper:
Guns, grenades, that kind of stuff.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Don't be a wuss.

Derek 'Yogurt':
Of course, the reverse is also true.

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
What the hell do you mean the reverse is also true?

Jonathan "Snuffy" Bradberry:
Oh yeah, that's wonderful. Now all we have to do is get Cali out of the Headmaster's Office which he hardly ever leaves, sneak past the guard, switch the chips without setting off them bombs, and then get out without being seen.

William "Billy" Tepper:
That's right. That's it exactly.

Jonathan "Snuffy" Bradberry:
I was attempting to be sarcastic.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Well you shouldn't have been. You should have been writing it down.

William "Billy" Tepper:
They're going to shoot five kids if I don't go back.

Luis Cali:
You really have no sense of discipline, do you?

Dean Parker:
They're going to hunt you down, you know that, don't you? They'll eventually find you and then they will kill you.

Luis Cali:
You Americans only say that, but you never actually do it.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Jeez-Louise, Yogurt, you sound like we're trying to defuse a bomb or something.

William "Billy" Tepper:
Does this mean I'm off pots and pans?

Dean Parker:
Oh no, you're not getting off that easy.

Luis Cali:
What? Not proud of your father?

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
No.

Luis Cali:
We're letting you go.

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
Why?

Luis Cali:
Because we respect your father.

Joseph "Joey" Trotta:
F*** my father and f*** you too. I'm not going anywhere without my friends.