Deal of the Century

Eddie Muntz:
It's only my second day in San Miguel, and I'll tell ya', I'm ready to hitchhike to Jonestown for a few laughs and a cool drink. This place is hotter than Dolly Parton's minipad. My job takes me all over the world. Lebanon, Nicaragua... Newark. You name it, I'm in there. Always where the action is.

Eddie Muntz:
[demonstrating his products] Now here's a little item I think you might go for in a big way - Dragonteeth mines. Made in the US and used successfully in Vietnam, I might add. These little honeys won't kill ya', but they're guaranteed to take a foot off. Take a couple of samples, take 'em home, see if you like'em, let me know how many you need. Okay?

General Huddleston:
[watching the Peacemaker malfunction] This is a great day for the Air Force, Senator.

Sen. Bryce:
Why is that, General?

General Huddleston:
Because the Navy ordered twenty of those disasters.

Navy Officers:
Son of a b*tch!

Ray Kasternak:
For I do not do the good that I want. But the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want it is no longer I that do it but sin which dwells within me.

Eddie Muntz:
That's beautiful, Ray.

Dr. Rechtin:
Well, because of the demo today, we washed it down last night. The water must've fogged the electronics.

Frank Stryker:
Well, first it's the air conditioning; now it's the water. I mean: are you guys pulling my tit or what?

Bob:
Washing it was sheer stupidity!

Luckup Computer Tech:
Should do great tomorrow.

Frank Stryker:
TOMORROW?

Luckup Computer Tech:
After it dries.

Frank Stryker:
There is no tomorrow, you a**holes! Haven't ya ever heard of RAIN?

Ray Kasternak:
You got a nice flame job there, Becha. I'm gon' gi'ya a lil' touchup! A lil' touchup! Just a lil' touchup for ya!