Dennis Miller: The Millennium Special - 1,000 Years, 100 Laughs, 10 Really Good Ones

Norm MacDonald:
I took acid the other day and my cock started singing to me... It was singing Joe Cocker songs.

Dennis Miller:
Michael Jackson is set to marry Lisa Marie Presley this week. The difference in religion is not expected to be an issue since she's a Scientologist and he's a science experiment.

Dennis Miller:
I saw hamlet at the Globe Theater. Notice I didn't say I heard it. Some a**hole with a whooping cough was right behind me. Hey lung chunks, if you're sick, stay the f*** home!

Dennis Miller:
O.J. Simpson was found not guilty for the murder of his wife and her friend. Hey, you think you're surprised? God lost twenty bucks!

Dennis Miller:
[During the 1860 segment] In reaction to a federal law freeing the slaves, South Carolina announced today that it is succeeding from the union in order to maintain their slave-based economy. The announcement was made by South Carolina governor Strom Thurmond.