Dragon Ball Z: Doragon bôru Z - Kami to Kami

[from trailer]

Beerus:
[beats Goku] Is there anyone on Earth more worthy to destroy?

Goku:
[powers up] Destruction isn't something to take pleasure in!

Goku:
[to Bills] Hey there, I'm Goku! Want to fight with me for a bit?

Goku:
Who's Lord Bills?

[King Kai freaks out]

Goku:
Is it the name of a snack?

Kai?:
Yes, you know, it's the name of a very delicious snack!

Goku:
That can't be true, you just spoke in a fearful tone...

Kai?:
[to Goku] Don't tell the Supreme Kai I told you... in this universe, there is a god who gives life to worlds, like the Supreme Kai. On the other hand, there is a god who destroys worlds.

Kai?:
Why are you in your dogi?

Goku:
Lord Bills should be very strong.

Kai?:
Oi, don't tell me...

Goku:
[flexing his muscles] I'm curious to see how strong he is!

Beerus:
[watches Goku fight Frieza] There was someone like him!

Whis:
What do you mean?

Beerus:
Super Saiyan... Super Saiyan GOD! I saw it in a dream, fighting a guy like this, called Super Saiyan God!

Whis:
Isn't it impossible that there would be a formidable threat to you, Lord Bills?

Beerus:
Well, even if the prediction of a threat is wrong, it feels like someone interesting will appear! That's why I awoke ahead of schedule!

Vegeta:
[telepathic contact] What does the King Kai want with me?

Kai?:
Listen carefully to what I have to say! Not far from now, Bills the God of Destruction will arrive on Earth.

Vegeta:
The God of Destruction? I've heard of him...

Kai?:
If he arrives, never ever lay a finger on him! If you don't listen, the whole Earth will be destroyed!

Vegeta:
Earth destroyed?

Kai?:
Even Goku was completely defeated.

Vegeta:
What? Kakarot LOST?

Kai?:
Goku at Super Saiyan 3 was defeated in two strikes.

Vegeta:
TWO STRIKES?

Kai?:
I beg you! The fate of Earth is in your hands!

Bulma:
Why are you wearing training attire on your wife's birthday? Why are you so gloomy, are you upset that your wife is aging? You Saiyans are lucky that you don't age...

Vegeta:
[waiting for Bills] SHUT UP!

Vegeta:
[sees Bills] The Kai was not joking around... this fellow is dangerous! Too dangerous!

Bulma:
He's not coming? What is he training at King Kai's world for?

Piccolo:
He's the kind of person who'd do that.

Bulma:
[upset] I'd told him, half a year ago...

Pilaf:
Our goal is wealth!

Mai:
Wasn't it to rule the world?

Pilaf:
Wealth comes first now. I'm tired of living in poverty. In this body, I can't even acquire a part-time job!

Bulma:
You ruined my 38th birthday!

[slaps Bills, Bills slaps her back]

Vegeta:
You... you hit my Bulma! You bastard!

[attacks Bills]

Goku:
Can you bring the Super Saiyan God here?

Shenlong:
I cannot. It no longer exists. Super Saiyan God was a god created by the Saiyans!

Goku:
What do you mean by that?

Shenlong:
You have a lot of questions... what exactly is your wish?

Goku:
Lord Bills wants to fight the Super Saiyan God!

Shenlong:
[worried] Lord Bills?... Uh, nice to see you, Lord Bills...

Beerus:
Show me how to create a Super Saiyan God!

Shenlong:
The Super Saiyan God was formed in response to the darkness in your fellow Saiyan comrades. It was a messiah of Saiyans with good morals, which was rare. This messiah quickly defeated the dark-hearted Saiyans with incredible strength, but he used up all his strength and returned to his normal mode... with a few Saiyans left. Later, Planet Vegeta became a place filled with evil Saiyans, and the savior vanished into legends. If five good-hearted Saiyans hold hands and transfer the light from their hearts to a Saiyan, that Saiyan will become the Super Saiyan God!

[Goku, Gohan, Goten, Vegeta and Trunks try to form a Super Saiyan God]

Vegeta:
Why is Kakarot the main one?

[Trunks approaches the Pilaf Gang]

Trunks:
I was trying to act cool, and I called you my girlfriend...

Pilaf:
ME?

Trunks:
Not you!

Shu:
ME?

Trunks:
How did it come to that? That girl there!

Mai:
Me?... Why would I be with a kid like you?

Trunks:
You're a kid, too. I'm sorry, but could you just act for a little while...

Mai:
Act as your girlfriend? What should I do?

Trunks:
Uh... how about holding hands?

Mai:
[shocked] EH? How did kids these days get so revolutionary?

[Bills and Super Saiyan God Goku fight]

Beerus:
What's wrong? You look dissatisfied.

Goku:
A little...

Beerus:
Do you dislike having become a god?

Goku:
Yes. For something like this to exist...

Beerus:
What about it?

Goku:
It was something I couldn't do alone.

Beerus:
Is that something to complain about?

Goku:
Yes! I'm dissatisfied!

Beerus:
It's interesting, what you said. Do you dislike having achieved Super Saiyan God with your comrades?

Goku:
I'm happy, really happy, but... I wasn't able to fight you without borrowing everyone's chi. That annoys me!

Beerus:
Then why did you become a God?

Goku:
Because I wanted to fight Lord Bills!

[Bills gets mad]

Beerus:
I too have a complaint.

Goku:
What is it?

Beerus:
I have yet to fight in my full power!

Goku:
Really? I used about 80%!

Beerus:
80%? Then will you match this speed?

[charges]

Whis:
When Lord Bills passes on, would you like to become the next God of Destruction?

Goku:
I'll have to pass on that.

Beerus:
Madam Bulma.

Bulma:
Yes?

Beerus:
I apologize for causing trouble.

Bulma:
Besides that, apologize for hitting me!

[pause]

Beerus:
I apologize.

Oolong:
[to Bulma] Are you out of your mind?

Beerus:
If it's all right, please invite me to another party.

Bulma:
Only if you promise not to run wild.

Beerus:
I understand. But next time, I want to try that dish pudding.

Bulma:
I'll have tons served up. But don't say it tastes awful after eating it!

Beerus:
If it tastes awful, I'll destroy the Earth!

Goku:
Then we'll fight again, Lord Bills!

[Mai tosses a diamond at Trunks]

Goten:
Who is that pretty girl you gave you that shiny rock? Is she your friend?

Trunks:
She is my GIRL friend! Amazing, huh?

Goten:
Awesome.

Vegeta:
Hey, Kakarot, next time I'm becoming the Super Saiyan God and you better cooperate!

Whis:
Please open your eyes, Lord Bills. You can't sleep twice. You're the one who set the alarms to bomb at this time. If you don't wake up quickly, the second alarm will...

[boom!]

Beerus:
I know, I know...

Whis:
You can't oversleep for 15 years like you did before. If you still can't wake up... shall I sing a song to wake you?

[picks up a mike]

Whis:
In that case...

Beerus:
[gets up] I know, I know!

Beerus:
I only slept 39 years this time. It was just a nap.

Whis:
You decide the time you wake up, Lord Bills. Anyway, why at this time?

Beerus:
[having breakfast] By the way, Whis, did Frieza destroy Planet Vegeta while I slept?

Whis:
Yes, without a trace left.

Beerus:
Is that so? The fools on that planet were useless no matter how much time passed, King Vegeta was the worst!... I could have done it, but it was too far away and I couldn't be bothered. Besides, Frieza is a bad one himself, showing off and all. Should I destroy him when we next meet?

Whis:
There is no need. Frieza is already dead.

Beerus:
[gags on his food] There's someone who killed Frieza?

Beerus:
Oracle Fish! Oracle Fish, where are you?

Yogen-gyo:
[appears] I was out on a walk... What's up?

Beerus:
You said 39 years ago that I would face a threatening enemy!

Yogen-gyo:
I said that?

Beerus:
You did.

Yogen-gyo:
Okay... let's say I did!

Kuririn:
Bulma, how old are you now?

Bulma:
So rude, do you think I'll tell you?

Android 18:
The winner of the bingo contest gets a castle and plane, right?

Bulma:
Yeah, or if it's a bother you can get the cash value...

Chichi:
As expected from one of the world's wealthiest! Would Goku come for the bingo contest at least?

Kame-sen'nin:
Bulma, do you have any porn as a prize?

Bulma:
NO!

Beerus:
Long time no see, North Kai. Your planet is very small.

Kai?:
I apologize, it's quite a small and mundane world.

Whis:
You destroyed it and reduced its size, Lord Bills, when you lost to North Kai at hide and seek.

Beerus:
Give me a pudding!

B?:
I don't wanna!

Beerus:
What?

B?:
I'm eating them all by myself!

Beerus:
You're going to eat all the puddings?

B?:
They're ALL MINE!

Beerus:
[grabs the plate of puddings] Hand it over!

B?:
I don't wanna!

Beerus:
Hand it over!

B?:
I don't wanna!

Beerus:
Hand it over, you idiot!

[Buu swallows all the puddings]

B?:
You called me an idiot! I'll turn you into pudding and eat you up!

Vegeta:
[catches sight] Oh, sh*t! I turn my back for one moment and...

Beerus:
You have PISSED ME OFF!

[hurls Buu into a lake]

Pilaf:
I AM EMPEROR PILAF! [Pilaf, Shu and Mai are now children]

Mai:
We finally managed to make a wish to Shenron... and you asked for youth!

Pilaf:
There wasn't much point asking to rule the world, when we'd aged and had only a few years left to enjoy ruling...

Mai:
But he made us TOO young!

Shu:
Well, I can't complain. As a dog, I've already exceeded my life expectancy.

Gotenks:
Hey, cat person! All this over a pudding? I, Gotenks, will discipline someone with such poor manners!

Beerus:
Don't you understand? You Earthlings will have had it a lot, but to me it's a food I can't even imagine the taste of! PUDDING! It looks so beautiful and sweet!

Bulma:
[flirtatious] Hey, Lord Bills...

Oolong:
It won't work, not from a middle-aged woman!

Bulma:
Shut up!

[looking for a sixth Saiyan]

Bulma:
Vegeta, you had a little brother!

Vegeta:
He's on some faraway world, I don't know where...

Bulma:
Couldn't you have got his number at least?

Beerus:
This is the 7th Universe. I am the 7th God of Destruction. There are 12 Universes in total. Don't you think there will be many more powerful fighters out there?

Beerus:
Now, as I swore to do, I shall destroy the Earth!

[charges up an energy blast... and takes out some boulders]

Whis:
Lord Bills, you only destroyed a tiny fragment of the Earth!

Beerus:
That fight used up a lot my stamina unfortunately... I'll destroy the Earth in total next time.

Beerus:
[on Goku] I cannot see the limit of his power. Still, he was nothing to worry about...

Whis:
It's been a while, however, since I've seen you use 70% of your power, Lord Bills.

Piccolo:
[to Goku] When backed into a corner, you are the most fearsome fighter!

Beerus:
Who is this guy?

Whis:
He is a Saiyan. He's called Son Goku, also known as Kakarot.

Beerus:
Didn't the Saiyans meet their end on Planet Vegeta?

Whis:
Most of them did, but fortunately a few survived who were on another world. Prince Vegeta is one of them notably.

Beerus:
Don't Saiyans have black hair? Besides, a SAIYAN managed to defeat Frieza...

Whis:
Recently, it appears that the Saiyans have mastered an ability to become a Super Saiyan.

Beerus:
What's that? Super Saiyan?

Whis:
[observes the Dragon Balls] Those look similar to the wish marbles from Planet Namek. It appears that Earth's guardian is from Namek...

Beerus:
I want you to say "I lost."

Goku:
I lost...

Goku:
Lord Bills, you're really strong. I didn't stand a chance. You're really the best in the universe.

Beerus:
You have realized the power of Bills, the God of Destruction. Nevertheless, you were quite tough too. You are the second strongest fighter I've ever faced in my life.

Goku:
The second...?

Beerus:
Are you still dissatisfied about being a God?

Goku:
Yes!

Beerus:
That's a sort of pride, and thus a weakness! Such a large pride you have... a Saiyan with that sort of obsession is rare.

Goku:
That's not entirely true. Vegeta has more pride than I do.

Beerus:
Come to think of it, he threw away his pride to protect everyone.

Goku:
I know. For him to throw away his pride as Prince... isn't it amazing? I respect him for it!

Beerus:
So did you throw away your pride as well to become a God?

Goku:
That's how it is...

[last lines]

Goku:
[laughs] Oh, yeah, Vegeta, when Bulma got hit, you screamed "My Bulma!" and became a great Super Saiyan!

Bulma:
I felt so loved!

Vegeta:
[embarassed] I don't remember saying such a thing! But, back then, I definitely exceeded your power!

Goku:
Yeah, without a doubt! Next time, when we're fighting someone, I'll ask them to hit Bulma!

Bulma:
HEY! [slaps Goku]

Piccolo:
When Vegeta did that, you shouldn't have been there... you'd already arrived, and watched from a distance!

Bulma:
Goku?

Oolong:
[jumps on Goku] You bastard, are you serious? Everyone was getting battered!

Goku:
I'm sorry, I was trying to find a strategy to match him... but there was nothing I could think of!

Vegeta:
Bulma, slap him two, no THREE more times!

Bulma:
Yes, sir!

Goku:
I'm sorry! I regret it!

[Mai takes Trunks hostage]

Trunks:
Mai...

Mai:
Shut up, hostage!

Trunks:
...I can feel your breasts.

[Gohan dressed up as the Great Saiyaman and got his wife shot accidentally]

Chichi:
Gohan, you're banned from drinking alcohol!

Beerus:
[a bullet in his forehead] I got shot too. It itches a little... It's not a good feeling. Not a good feeling at all!

[crushes the bullet]

[English dub]

Goku:
[looks at Whis] So that's him, huh? The mighty Beerus... he does look mighty important. [Beerus steps out behind Whis]

Goku:
Wait, that's Beerus? He looks like a big hairless house cat!

[English dub]

[Beerus hits Bulma]

Vegeta:
How dare you... that's MY BULMA! You bastard! [attacks Beerus]

[English dub]

Piccolo:
When you're backed into a corner, Goku, it's almost scary what you're capable of!

[English dub]

Goku:
[powers up] I will not let you destroy my world!

[English dub]

Gotenks:
Yo, cat-man! Let's do this! An uninvited birthday guest with manners so bad he starts a fight over a pudding cup deserves to get Gotenks's fist rammed down his throat! [gets spanked by Beerus]

Gotenks:
[in tears] Just take the pudding!

[English dub]

Beerus:
Look, I like your planet, or rather I've enjoyed myself enough to not despise it entirely. I'll give you one last chance to save yourselves. I nominate you!

[points at Oolong]

Beerus:
Yes, I'm singling you out, Porky!

Oolong:
Who, ME?

Beerus:
[licks his lips] That's right, the one who looks so delicious...

Oolong:
[freaked out] He wants my bacon...

Beerus:
Come a little closer, won't you?

Oolong:
I taste awful! I don't exercise, I eat nothing but junk!

Beerus:
All you have to do is play a game of Paper Rock Scissors! If you win I'll leave your Earth intact, but of course if I win, I'll turn your Earth to dust!

Oolong:
He's kidding, right?

Krillin:
I guess it's a universal game!

Oolong:
Don't make me, I suck at Paper Rock Scissors!

Puar:
This is great! It's your big break, Oolong! You've never had a chance to be important before! But don't lose, because if we die it'll be all your fault!

Oolong:
You're not helping, Puar!

Yamcha:
[whispers to Oolong] Hey, wait a second... I figured it out! I know why he picked you as his opponent, Oolong, it makes sense! This guy thinks you're just an ordinary pig with ordinary pig hooves! And a pig hoof could only make Scissors, so he'd win every time with Rock! But you're not a pig, are you? You're a pig MAN! You've got fingers, you can throw all the signs! He's gonna draw Rock for sure, Oolong, I know it! All you have to do is draw Paper, and you'll win!

Oolong:
[encouraged] Stupid cat alien, thinking he's got me pegged... I'll make him sorry!

Beerus:
Are you ready, pig?

Oolong:
You bet!

Beerus:
On three...

Beerus, Oolong:
One, two, three!

[Oolong draws Paper... and Beerus draws Scissors, which beats Paper]

Beerus:
You fools, don't you see my ears? I heard your whole plan!

[English dub]

Goku:
[to Vegeta] When Bulma got hit, you sure went crazy, huh? "My Bulma!" That was funny! She's quite the motivator for you, I was impressed!

Bulma:
My hero!

Vegeta:
[embarrassed] What, that's ridiculous, I don't remember saying that!... And it's hardly what matters! In that great moment, I surpassed you, Kakarot!

Vegeta:
[sings and dances] Bingo! Bingo! Bingo! Fun time Bingo! Earth is a fine place to be, yo! The food is tasty too, yo! Let's go play-o, let's be friends-o! Fun time, bingo! Time to play some bingo!

Everyone:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BULMA!

Oolong:
38 is crazy old!

Bulma:
SHUT UP!

Kuririn:
[sees Vegeta dance] What the hell happened to Vegeta?

[English dub]

Krillin:
[sees Vegeta dance] Okay, he's been drinking more than Gohan...

[seeing Vegeta dance]

Whis:
That was just weird...

Beerus:
Yeah, his singing and dancing were terrible... he'd be a fair match for you, Whis.

Whis:
That's priceless.

[English sub]

Mai:
[holds uo a Dragonball] I used the diamond to distract the boy, while I sneaked out with this! They don't have a clue the Four-Star Dragon Ball has gone missing thanks to me!

Pilaf:
Wow, you've really earned your keep this time!... But wait a second, we can't wish for money with just ONE Dragon Ball!

Mai:
Oh, don't worry, I've got it all figured out! We'll demand a huge ransom from them! We'll say we won't return the Ball, unless they give us one million Zeni xash!

Pilaf:
Oh, that's brilliant! Mai, you're a genuine evil genius, a real-deal rascal!

Mai:
Nothing compared to you Pilaf, you're even eviller!

[both cackle]

Shu:
I'm pretty sure that diamond was worth more than a million zeni, couldn't we just have taken it and left?

[awkward pause]

Shu:
...or not?

Pilaf:
Don't be stupid! Nobody wants to be THAT rich, it's way too stressful! It's about balance!

Mai:
That's right! You'll be so stressed, you'll start wetting yourself all the time! And I'm not washing your pee-pee pants!

Pilaf:
...Okay, that just went to a weird place. I expect my evil henchmen to have a little class.

Mai:
I'm sorry, my bad.

[as Goku and Bills fight]

Master Roshi:
So fast... you still following this, Krillin?

Krillin:
Nope, totally lost!

[English dub]

Bulma:
Oh, good! You're finally here, Vegeta! But, This is my birthday, not a Halloween party. So, why are you sitting around in your combat gear? What's wrong? You look even more sullen than usual. Mad that humans do this little thing called aging and your poor wife's another year older? Forget the powers. The best part of being a Saiyan must be never having to worry about losing your looks.

Vegeta:
[waiting for Beerus and yells at Bulma] SHUT UP! [All the Z-Fighters look shocked]

Bulma:
It's my birthday, jerk. [scoffs]

Vegeta:
[Thinking] I can't shake this pit in my stomach. I am the great Prince Vegeta! I can't be scared, Can't I?

Bulma:
What's up your butt? [takes a drink of punch]

[English dub]

Bulma:
What? Not coming? Why would he be training on King Kai's planet during my birthday party?

Piccolo:
You really need to ask that.

Bulma:
Seriously. I sent the guy who saved the date more than six months ago...

Gohan:
Hey, where's Vegeta?

Bulma:
Looks like he's off training too. I just about had it with you Saiyans.

[English dub]

Goku:
Well, hello there. So, I'm Go - Uh, Sorry, I mean. My name is Sir Goku, sir. It is an honor for you to meet me.

Beerus:
If you say so... Now, if that's out of the way, There's something I was hoping I ask you about. Uh, Let's see... Super Saiyan...

Whis:
Super Saiyan God, I believe it was?

Beerus:
Yes, yes. So, now what can you tell me about the existence of Super Saiyan God?

Goku:
Super Saiyan God. Let me think. Well, I know all about just plain all Super Saiyans. But, this Super Saiyan God stuff isn't ring any bells, dude.

King Kai:
Huh?

Goku:
[exclaims] I know what all up it, good sir!

King Kai:
I must admit that, this is the first time on myself of heard any mention of a Super Saiyan God.

Beerus:
Oh, I see... Whis here tells me, You are the one who slayed that bastard Frieza?

Goku:
Frieza? Uh, ye... Yep, that was me, all right. I beat him, sir.

Bulma:
Hey look, guys! Vegeta actually has friends!