Under Siege

Commander Krill:
Where are you going?

William Strannix:
Make Honolulu glow in the dark.

Commander Krill:
Outstanding.

Doumer:
You're incredible, Ryback. It's a shame you're not cooking for *us*.

Ensign Taylor:
We still have a week together.

Casey Ryback:
I guess that means I won't get to see you go through puberty.

Jordan Tate:
I told you I don't like guns.

Casey Ryback:
I know. Neither do I.

Jordan Tate:
You're not a cook.

Casey Ryback:
Yeah, well... I also cook.

Tom Breaker:
Look, Bill, if this is about reliving the 60's, you can forget about it, buddy. The movement is dead.

William Strannix:
Yes, of course! Hence the name: movement. It moves a certain distance, then it stops, you see? A revolution gets its name by always coming back around in your face. You tried to kill me you son of a b*tch... so welcome to the revolution.

William Strannix:
I got tired of coming up with last minute desperate solutions to impossible problems created by other f***ing people.

Commander Krill:
A little flavor.

William Strannix:
Doumer, Doumer, Doumer. Why didn't you hire this person? I don't know what his price would have been, but it would have been WORTH it.

Casey Ryback:
Yo, Calaway, Gunner's Mate. You see those?

Casey Ryback:
We still got shells for those.

Casey Ryback:
Yeah, but they're expecting me, not all of us.

Tackman:
All of what? I do laundry. I was ironing during the Gulf War. I ain't cut out for this hero bullshit.

Casey Ryback:
You're in the Navy, remember? It's not a job, it's an adventure!

William Strannix:
No. Meet at the bird cage as planned, Roadrunner, out!

Krill:
You're the roadrunner?

William Strannix:
Yeah, never been caught. Beep beep.

Taylor:
Johnson, how is the Captain gonna authorize a surprise birthday party for himself?

William Strannix:
Let this be a learning experience, gentleman. If you resist we will kill you and the man next to you. Now move out of here in an orderly fashion.

William Strannix:
Now!

Admiral Bates:
This is Admiral Bates speaking. I am trying to get a hold of Chief Ryback. Is he about?

Jordan Tate:
He's in a gunfight right now. I'm gonna have to take a message.

William Strannix:
Porky Pig - little red f***er with the mustache.

William Strannix:
All of my life... Saturday morning cartoons. The best.

Casey Ryback:
Keep the faith, Strannix.

Jordan Tate:
I hate being alone.

Casey Ryback:
Do you hate being dead?

Admiral Bates:
Now, since your ass is on the line, sailor, I authorize you right now, to do whatever you can to aid in the arrival of the SEAL Team. Because if I goddamn can't control you, I might as well support you. Correct?

Casey Ryback:
That's affirmative, Sir!

Jordan Tate:
The safest place on this ship is right behind you.

Commander Krill:
Do I look like I need a psychological evaluation?

William Strannix:
Not at all.

Admiral Bates:
Mr. Stranix... this is Admiral Bates speaking. Would you please tell us why the hell you're doing this?

William Strannix:
Hi, Admiral. Six months ago, your boy Tom Breaker cancelled operation 'Cleopatra', and shortly thereafter two young men from Langley showed up in Miami tried to cancel me along with it.

Casey Ryback:
What is this babbling bullshit?

Capt. Adams:
Chief, get in your dress uniform.

Casey Ryback:
Sir, you know how I feel about ceremonies. I thought maybe this time, uh...

Capt. Adams:
You know, if I had your ribbons, I'd wear 'em to bed.

Pitt:
Sh*t! I lost the Phalanx, the whole thing's dead, we're sitting ducks!

Commander Krill (wearing women's clothing, makeup, fake breasts, and a wig):
Listen to the sh*t I have to put up with: "In the past few weeks, Commander Krill has become increasingly hostile to the crew, possibly due to anger over reviews of his performance. I recommend that he'll be given a psychological evaluation before taking over his next assignment!" Do I look like I need a psychological evaluation?

William Stranix:
(deadpan) Not at all.

Commander Krill:
(yanks off the wig) I got to change.

William Stranix:
The disk, Mr. Pitt. Guard it with your life.

Mr. Pitt:
Of course.

William Stranix:
Anything else you forgot to tell us about? Any other little memory losses or oversights, perhaps?

Commander Krill:
No other little memory losses or oversights perhaps. There's two men, one of them's locked up. And I'll take care of him...

William Stranix:
No, no, no. We'll handle it. Secure the galley. Send Cates, send Ziggs.

Shadow:
You got it.

Commander Krill:
This Marine's armed, Bill. I think we should send more, I'll go...

William Stranix:
Don't worry about it. These guys are professionals. They can handle twenty Marines, and a hundred cooks.

William Stranix:
Hear this, gentlemen: if any ships or aircraft approach within 100 miles, we will kill the crew and retaliate with everything in the ship's arsenal.

Tom Breaker:
Bill, this is Tom. What's going on?

William Stranix:
Hi, Tom! You know what's going on. I have 32 Tomahawks under my thumb, and the only think you can do about it is alert the media.

Tom Breaker:
You don't have the launch codes.

William Stranix:
Oh, uh, let me take a wild guess... (Pitt points to a monitor) Uh, 5-6-6-0-4-9, uh... 9-7-8-0?

(An aide hands a printout to Admiral Bates, confirming the codes.)

Tom Breaker:
This is insane.

William Stranix:
Oh, be careful with that word, Tom, please!

William Stranix:
(Checking Cates' corpse) The man that did this is a professional. Who is he, and what's he doing running around on my battleship, Mr. Krill?

Commander Krill:
Your battleship? You wouldn't be on this battleship if it wasn't for me. He's a cook, plain and simple...

William Stranix:
This is not the work of a cook.

Commander Krill:
He came on board with the captain. I know his routine, front and back. He's good with cooking knives...

(Stranix rips the throwing knife out of Cates's jugular and holds it up to Krill's face)

William Stranix:
Cooking knives? (angrily slams the throwing knife on the counter)

Commander Krill:
He got lucky. In my professional opinion, he is a military reject in command of a GALLEY...!

(hearing a beep, they turn and see Ryback's homemade bomb in the microwave)

Doumer:
GET DOWN!

(Ryback's bomb explodes. One of Stranix's men is killed in the bast)

Commander Krill:
What was that?

William Stranix:
That was a bomb, jackass. He used the microwave as a detonator.

[Krill found Ryback's personnel file]

Commander Krill:
Ryback's file wasn't in Personnel. It was in the Captain's private cabinet. Ryback is an ex-SEAL.

Doumer:
The Goddamn cook's a SEAL?

Commander Krill:
Shut up and listen. "Expert in Martial Arts, Explosives, Weapons and Tactics. Silver Star, Navy Cross, Purple Heart with Cluster, and Security Clearance revoked after Panama." That means he couldn't hold any rating except that of a yeoman...or a cook. How little did I know?

Shadow:
We just lost two more men in the Engine Room!

William Strannix:
You were told to review the personnel file on every individual on this ship.

Commander Krill:
I know what I was told, but I didn't have access to the Captain's files at that TIME!

(Jordan answers the SEAL satellite phone in the middle of Ryback's gunfight)

Jordan Tate:
Hello?

Admiral Bates:
Who in the hell is this?

Jordan Tate:
Who in the hell is this?

Admiral Bates:
This is Admiral Bates speaking. I'm trying to get a hold of Chief Ryback, is he about?

Jordan Tate:
He's in a gunfight right now, I'll have to take a message.

Secretary of Defense Trenton:
What the hell's going on over there?!

(Jordan jumps up and runs after Ryback)

Jordan Tate:
Bullshit, I'm not staying here!

Tackman:
Where're you going?!

Granger:
Tackman, what'd you say to her?!

Tackman:
Case, she's coming up behind you!

Ryback:
What are you doing?

Jordan Tate:
The safest place on this ship is right behind you!

Mr. Pitt:
Whatever they did, they're smarter than I am. Everything's dead. It's hopeless.

William Stranix:
Nothing is hopeless. (puts his gun into Pitt's eye socket) Take heart.

Mr. Pitt:
Just give me a little more time, I'll figure it out.

William Stranix:
I like your attitude. Excellent.

William Stranix:
All of my life. Saturday morning cartoons. The best. For example, remember those two little shrimps coming in, riding seahorses, little chaps, little pistols? Bang! Bang! Bang! Shooting over their shoulders. Rescue that lobster from the Swedish cook. Funniest thing I ever saw in my life! Splendid work, by the way.

Shadow:
Stranix...

William Stranix:
Splendid work. My, my, my, how hell doth quicken the spirit. Tomahawks!

Mr. Pitt:
They're up and ready.

William Stranix:
Where?

Mr. Pitt:
The fire control.

William Stranix:
Of course, the fire control. Chips and dips on the weather deck. Don't be late. Motor launch is waiting! All hands! Clear out of here!

Shadow:
Let's go. Stranix, four minutes.

Mr. Pitt:
Meet us at the motor launch.

William Stranix:
I'll take that weapon. Quietly. Now!

(William Stranix grabs Casey Ryback's gun and tosses it.)

Casey Ryback:
You look familiar. I know you, don't I?

William Stranix:
I think you do. Been a long time.

Casey Ryback:
Yes, sir. It has.

William Stranix:
Turn around. We'll have a tour. Step forward. Here we have our Tomahawks speeding their way to the sunny Aloha State. Turn around. As you can see, there will be no return. I got the key. The lock is broken. Step forward. Have a sit over there. You'll watch the end of the world on TV, my man. Put your feet up. Relax. You know, you're good. You are really good. It's a shame to kill you. Behold my finest work.

Casey Ryback:
Do me a favor. Tell me something. You really think blowing up a bunch of innocent people will change anything? What made you flip like this?

William Stranix:
I got tired of coming up with last-minute desperate solutions to impossible problems created by other f***ing people.

Casey Ryback:
All your ridiculous, pitiful antics won't change a thing. You and I, we're puppets in the same sick play. We serve the same master and he's an ungrateful lunatic. There's nothing we can do about it. You and I are the same.

William Stranix:
Oh, no. No. No. No. There's a difference, my man. You have faith. I don't!

Tom Breaker:
Look, Bill, I know things are a little chaotic for you right now.

William Stranix:
Chaotic? Wake up, Tom! You know, and I know, that chaos and bedlam are consuming the entire world! UV light waves are only the beginning, Tom. We have an inch of topsoil left.

Tom Breaker:
Topsoil?

William Stranix:
Sexually transmitted diseases, deforestation, irreversibly progressive depletion of the global gene pool. It all adds up to oblivion, pal. Governments will fall, anarchies will reign. It's a brave new world.

Casey Ryback:
I'm just a cook.

Casey Ryback:
Next thing I know, you'll be dating musicians.

Casey Ryback:
All your ridiculous, pitiful antics won't change a thing. You and I, we're the same, we're puppets in the same sick play. We serve the same master, he's a lunatic, he's ungrateful and there's nothing we can do about it. You and I are the same.

Casey Ryback:
Come on, that's not striking an officer. [punches Krill in the face] That's striking an officer. [begins to fight Marines]

William Stranix:
Don't worry about a thing, baby. You could play this gig with your eyes shut.

William Stranix:
(singing) And there she is. Miss July 1989. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. No, no, no. That's not Miss July.

William Stranix:
[After taking control of the Missouri] Four minutes ahead of schedule. Damn, I'm good.

William Stranix:
(pressing the buttons to launch a Tomahawk missile) This little piggy goes to the market. This little piggy stay at home. This little piggy... Oh, mama. Oh, mama. We... We... We... WEEEEEEEE!! All the way home! (air guitars the Star-Spangled Banner as the missile launches, then settles into the captain's chair with a long sigh) Happy trails.

Commander Krill:
Then you don't know about Ryback? He is an extreme psychopath. He hates officers. He hates America. This is the captain's birthday. I don't want him ruining it. No one speaks to him or lets him out. If he tries to escape, shoot him right here. I'm counting on you.

Commander Krill:
(dressed as a woman) I'm your date tonight, Captain.

Commander Krill:
[after Ryback punches him in the face] Now I know why you're a cook. Because you hit like a f*ggot.