Valek:
Isn't it beautiful? Something you'll never forget? I know I won't.

Jack Crow:
You ever seen a vampire?

Father Adam Guiteau:
No I haven't.

Jack Crow:
No... Well first of all, they're not romatic. Its not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, alright? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata WHILE he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, alright? And they don't sleep in coffins lined in taffata. You wanna kill one, you drive a wooden stake right through his fuckin' heart. Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters.

Valek:
For 600 years I have fed on your kind at will.

Jack Crow:
I killed my own father, padre. I got no trouble killing you.

Jack Crow:
Let me just ask you one thing - after 600 years, how's that dick workin', pretty good?

Father Adam Guiteau:
A master vampire, able to walk in the sunlight, unstoppable. Unless we stop him.

Jack Crow:
Can I ask ya somethin, Padre? When I was kickin? your ass back there... you get a little wood?

Father Adam Guiteau:
What?

Jack Crow:
Valek is the original! The source of the disease! The first vampire created by the Catholic Church...

Father Adam Guiteau:
By accident...

Jack Crow:
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Jack Crow:
Hey, Valek! Why don't you prove you can kick my ass! Come on, Untie me, you prick! Fucking pulse-smoking fashion victim!

Jack Crow:
Let me ask you a question. When you were stabbing that vampire in there?

Father Adam Guiteau:
Yeah?

Jack Crow:
Did you get a little wood?

Father Adam Guiteau:
Mahogany.

Jack Crow:
Excuse me?

Father Adam Guiteau:
Ebony.

Jack Crow:
What?

Father Adam Guiteau:
Teak.

Jack Crow:
Are you possessed by demons?

Father Adam Guiteau:
Major Chubby.

Jack Crow:
Language, Padre, language!

Father Adam Guiteau:
You didn't tell me they could do that!

Jack Crow:
I didn't *know* they could do that!