Sofía:
I think she's the saddest girl to ever to hold a martini.

Sofía:
I'll tell you in another life, when we are both cats.

Libby:
You'll be meeting Rebecca Dearborn, my personal role model.

Brian:
And I know sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet.

David:
He never watched television, and yet his biggest magazine is still the TV Digest.

Brian:
I good you bid evening.

Brian:
Julie Gianni is your fuck buddy.

David:
Even in my dreams, I'm an idiot who knows he's about to wake up to reality.

Sofía:
Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

Sofía:
Holy God. This is going to change my life in a zillion different ways. I must be nuts.

Rebecca Dearborn:
This is a revolution of the mind.

Julie:
Don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not.

David:
And to what do I owe this pleasure?

Sofía:
The pleasure of Sofia Serrano.

Thomas Tipp:
Do you know they even got a... well, a nickname for you behind your back? Heh? Citizen Dildo.

Sofía:
What about you? What's your nickname?

David:
Citizen Dildo.

Sofía:
Hmm. You are not staying over.

Julie:
Four times... it means something, David.

Brian:
Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour.

Rebecca Dearborn:
Most of us live our whole lives... without any real adventure to call our own.

Rebecca Dearborn:
What is any life without the pursuit of a dream?

Thomas Tipp:
...maybe you should let people see you, yeah? I mean, the last time we were together, you were, you were, you were in a coma, and you were very fucking rude to me. You didn't say a word.

Thomas Tipp:
But I say this with complete love. Claim your life. Learn to be an asshole. Don't...

David:
Two's enough.

Thomas Tipp:
Forgive me. But I still believe in this family, David, even if it's only you.

David:
See, I've got this little problem. I've got a stalker.

Sofía:
It doesn't sound life threatening.

David:
But I need a cover. I need for you to pretend we're having a scintillating conversation, and you are wildly entertained.

David:
I know it's tough.

Sofía:
I'll improvise.

David:
Thomas Tipp was right; people will read again.

David:
Is it me?

David:
No. Tell me now.

Sofía:
I'll tell you later.

David:
If something's wrong please tell me now.

David:
Say everything now, now, now, now.

David:
I'm frozen and you're dead, and I love you.

Brian:
You're rich and women love you, and I'm from Ohio and I'm drunk. Can I tell you the truth?

David:
Everybody does.

Brian:
I dig her, and I've never said this to you before about any girl. But she could be, could be, could be, could be the girl of my fucking dreams.

David:
You're not from Ohio.

Brian:
I know.

David:
You're not blind. You're drinking Jack Daniels, and when you drink Jack, you start in with that... Frank Sinatra, she shot me down, give me a cigarette, "King of Sad" thing.

Brian:
That I do. Give me a cigarette.

Brian:
You will never know the exquisite pain of the guy, who goes home alone.

Sofía:
But I just think good things will happen, if you are a good person with a good attitude, don't you think?

Edmund:
It's been a brilliant journey of self-awakening. And now you've simply got to ask yourself this: What is happiness to you, David?

Edmund:
Its been a brilliant journey of self-awakening, now you simply have to ask yourself this... What is happiness to you David?

David:
My father wrote about this in his book. Chapter 1... Page 1... Paragraph 1: What is the answer to 99 out of 100 questions?... Money.

David:
The little things... there's nothing bigger, is there?

David:
Where's Sofia? WHERE IS SHE?

Julie:
I AM SOFIA.

David:
Doc, once you've been driven off a bridge at 80 miles an hour, somehow you don't invite happiness in without a full body search.

David:
I wanna wake up! Tech support! It's a nightmare! Tech support! Tech support!

David:
These? These are more than headaches. These are steel plates slicing through my every thought.

David:
How bad is it?

Sofía:
...Well... your ears are in the right place... And the rest of it... is not bad at all. It's perfect!

Dr. Curtis McCabe:
Dig deep, David.

David:
I want to live a real life... I don't want to dream any longer.

Brian:
You're in O.J.-land.

Julie:
Don't ever say that word. I will never come over and bring you chicken soup and fuck your brains out again.

Dr. Curtis McCabe:
I'm real. I'm... I'm... mortality as home entertainment? THIS CANNOT BE THE FUTURE. Can it? CAN IT?

Dr. Curtis McCabe:
With all the possible respect I can offer a man wearing a latex mask and spouting conspiracy theories, David, believe me, you've crossed that bridge.

Dr. Curtis McCabe:
And you didn't immediately wanna sleep with her?

David:
Well, you know, I'm a pleasure delayer.

David:
Good. Because for a minute there, I thought we were talking about A FUCKING MASK!

David:
Oh, no. It's great. This completely takes care of Halloween. But what about the other 364 days of the year?

Julie:
I'm so afraid of how powerful this is!

Sofía:
Do you love me? I mean really love me. Because if you don't... I'll just have to kill you.

David:
I WANNA WAKE UP!