Mox:
I don't want your life!

Charlie Tweeder:
Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car.

Billy Bob:
I sure do love that dog.

Mox:
I think it's a pig.

Billy Bob:
Yeah.

Miss Davis:
Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!

Miss Davis:
Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?

Miss Davis:
Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon:
If we go out and half-ass it 'cause we're scared, then we'll always wonder if we were really good enough. But if we go out there and give it all we've got... that's heroic. You guys wanna be heroes?

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon:
The male erection. Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icycle has formed, Jack's magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger... oh, and a pedro.

Miss Davis:
...a pedro?

Mox:
yeah, uh huh.

Coach Bud Kilmer:
You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know.

Charlie Tweeder:
Ladies, shut up and hold on to your nipples!

Sam Moxon:
I raised you to be a winner, so dammit boy, win!

Charlie Tweeder:
Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?

Charlie Tweeder:
You know what it's called?

Mox:
What?

Charlie Tweeder:
The new Tweeder end zone dance.

Billy Bob:
A 10... a 10... a fucking 10!

Mox:
I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good? (looks at at box of condoms) I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle? Kyle?

Kyle:
I only answer to one name. Ali-Actabaor-Shabaz-Da.

Mox:
That's a bunch of names.

Kyle:
There is only one god. All praise and honor be to allah.

Mox:
Yeah. Well, would allah nail Darcy if he had the chance? I think so.

Charlie Tweeder:
Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.

Billy Bob:
That's funny.

Charlie Tweeder:
Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.

Mo Moxon:
Kyle, did you start a cult?

Kyle:
Yup.

Mo Moxon:
That is so sweet!