Front Page News

[first lines]

Amber:
Zana? Zana? Hello? Zana? Zana?

Amber:
You realize I'm not alone, don't you? Zana's going to be back any minute.

Darla:
Wrong again, Ms. Michaels. Your photographer, it seems, got a little tied up somewhere. That seems to be a really recurring problem with you Tribune reporters.

Amber:
You're never going to get away with this, Darla.

Darla:
What a worn out, tired, hackneyed cliche! Amber, it's no wonder your stories aren't winning any awards. You just don't have a way with words.

Darla:
What are you going to do to us?

Masked Thug:
Not what you think, but I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.

Masked Thug:
Actually, we're going to play a game. The stakes are high. The prize is the story of a lifetime - a surefire Pulitzer Prize. It'a a nasty scandal full of lies, corruption, dirty money, sex - even murder. We've got documentation, sworn affidavits, taped interviews and it all goes to the winner, but you're going to have to work for it. Better yet, you're going to have to compete for it. You have a choice right now; you're either in or you're out. I can let you go and the other lady wins, or you can stay for the contest. Do either of you want to be let loose?

Amber:
Yeah, well, you're just pissed off because Channel 14 turned you down for their morning show.

Darla:
Oh yeah? At least I didn't get turned down for the All Nude News at Noon!

Amber:
What do you hope to accomplish by this?

Darla:
Open w-i-i-de!

[Darla stuffs a gag into Amber's mouth]

Darla:
When Ms. Perez and Ms. Knight get here, I'll tell them you couldn't make it. I'll get the interview with them and the Journal scoops the Tribune again!

[to Amber, her bound and gagged captive]

Darla:
Remember that time you went under cover to get the story on prostitution and you got caught? They were going to use that super-high voltage sex toy on you, but I came in with the cops at the last minute and saved your bacon! That would have been really nasty. And then there was the time you were going to do that report on the local dungeon scene - they saw through you in a minute. I *think* they were just going try to scare the living daylights out of you, but I'm not completely sure about that. I mean, they did have an alligator pit, but anyway, so you were lucky I was there to stop them. You just gotta know how to talk to these people. Not that I have any experience with that kinky sort of stuff, mind you. But my favorite was the time we caught by those urban cannibals - you helped me escape and then they were getting ready to have you for dinner! I'll bet you didn't think I was coming back for you, did you?

Darla:
And after all I've done for you, I get a lead on the plot to kidnap the Princess of Sylvania, the thugs leave me tied up in a basement and when you found me you just left me there so you could get the scoop! That wasn't nice. Well, this time it's going to be different. This time, you get left tied up in the closet and I'm going to find out the real dirt on Councilman Hibbs.