Guido:
You can lose all your points for any one of three things. One: If you cry. Two: If you ask to see your mother. Three: If you're hungry and ask for a snack! Forget it!

Guido:
What kind of place is this? It's beautiful: Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky! I'm moving here!

Guido:
Buongiorno, Principessa!

Guido:
I forgot to tell you.

Dora:
Go ahead.

Guido:
You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you. But I'll never tell anyone, especially not you. They'd have to torture me to make me say it.

Dora:
Say what?

Guido:
That I want to make love to you - not just once, but over and over again! But I'll never tell you that. I'd have to be crazy to tell you. I'd even make love to you now... right here for the rest of my life.

Guido:
What are your political views?

Dr. Lessing:
Fat, fat, ugly, ugly, all yellow in truth, if you ask me where I am I answer "here, here, here". Walking I make poo poo, who am I?

Giosué Orefice:
"No Jews or Dogs Allowed." Why do all the shops say, "No Jews Allowed"?

Guido:
Oh, that. "Not Allowed" signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my friend the kangaroo, but their sign said, "No Kangaroos Allowed," and I said to my friend, "Well, what can I do? They don't allow kangaroos."

Giosué Orefice:
Why doesn't our shop have a "Not Allowed" sign?

Guido:
Well, tomorrow, we'll put one up. We won't let in anything we don't like. Why don't you like?

Giosué Orefice:
Spiders.

Guido:
Good I don't like vampires. Tomorrow, we'll get sign: "No Spiders or Vampires Allowed."

Dora:
My husband and son are on that train. I want to get on that train. Did you hear me? I want to get on that train.

Giosué Orefice:
Look, they stopped the train to let Mom get on.

Guido:
Dora...

Guido:
The prize is... the prize is...

Eliseo Orefice:
A tank.

Guido:
Yes! Yes, the prize is a tank.

Giosué Orefice:
I already have one.

Guido:
No, a real one.

Giosué Orefice:
A real tank?

Bartolomeo:
They are looking for someone who speaks German, to translate their instructions.

Guido:
Me! I'll do it, I'll translate!

Bartolomeo:
Do you speak German?

Guido:
No.

Dora:
At least they don't make the children and old people work.

Giosué Orefice:
Daddy, I cannot find any of the other kids, and a lady came telling me to take a shower.

Guido:
That's a good idea. You go take a shower.

Giosué Orefice:
No!

Guido:
Go take a shower!

Giosué Orefice:
No!

Giosué Orefice:
Buttons and soap.

Guido:
What?

Giosué Orefice:
They turn us into buttons and soap.

Guido:
Who told you that?

Giosué Orefice:
An old man was crying. He said they turn us into buttons and soap. They burn us all up in ovens.

Guido:
How ridiculous. They were just teasing you! There are wood ovens, but there are no people ovens. Putting people in ovens creates too much smoke.

Guido:
If you speak my name, I vanish. What am I? Silence.

Giosué Orefice:
Daddy, you scared me to death!

Giosuè as an adult in re-edited version:
This is the sacrifice my father made for me.