Hell Baby

[first lines]

Vanessa:
Home.

Jack:
Home.

Vanessa:
Here's the low-balling the seller and still getting $50,000 off after the home inspection.

Vanessa, Jack:
[hi-five each other]

Jack:
We could paint this place today, sell it tomorrow, and still make money.

Vanessa:
Yes, we could. I love you, Jack Watson.

Jack:
I love you. Now, let me carry you over that goddamn threshold.

Jack:
I think you're safer here than in any of the murder-free places we've ever lived at.

Vanessa:
Curly Bear left her.

Jack:
Navajo guy?

Vanessa:
He stole all her credit cards and her car.

Jack:
Oh, my God. That's crazy. Marjorie has credit cards?

Father Padrigo:
Never intervene when I am being tested by nature's creatures!

Marjorie:
Wait a minute. I didn't know you were circumcised, Jack.

Jack:
Really? We never covered that at Thanksgiving?

Jack:
[coughing] Is there marijuana in there?

Marjorie:
Uh-huh, yeah.

Jack:
Is that what usually goes in there?

Marjorie:
No, it's usually just tobacco, but tobacco is so bad for you.

Father Padrigo:
I'm not going to make it. Do it my friend.

Father Sebastian:
[shoots him in the head]

Father Padrigo:
I meant, not going to make it, so call an ambulance p-please.

Father Sebastian:
Why do you pause right in the middle of the first part of the important part?