Perry Gordon:
You're marrying a woman you've never had sex with? Are you insane? Didn't you see The Crying Game? You think she's got the goods under her skirt, you lift it up, it's Oscar Meyer time!

Graydon:
You appear intelligent, but when you open your mouth the effect is spoiled.

Roland Jones:
I've got an alien, I've got an alien.

Susan Anderson:
I never thought I'd say it, but I can't take any more.

Susan Anderson:
We've been screwing for 21 hours non-stop.

Helen Gordon:
You're making a noise.

Harold Anderson:
That's my penis. It hums.

Helen Gordon:
I guess it doesn't know the words. Well, I can teach it a few.