Holiday in Handcuffs

David Martin:
I hope you aren't expecting alot from Santa. A federal offense probably puts you on the naughty list this year.

[first lines]

Trudie:
[narrating] I'm not crazy. I'm a long way from crazy. Doing one crazy thing does not make a person crazy, though I have to admit this isn't how I expected to be spending my Christmas... and I'm sure it's not how David Martin planned on spending his.

[to David who is walking down a snow-covered road in the middle of nowhere]

Trudie:
So, you've been walking for what, about an hour? And you've gone exactly 1.8 miles and the nearest gas station is 20 miles away - you do the math. Look, why don't you come back to the house, we'll make some hot chocolate, okay?

[David climbs into Trudie's car]

David Martin:
You... are... the devil!

Trudie:
Oh, Lucy, I completely blew the interview. I can't believe I have to go home today; there's going to be no place to hide. My mother wanted this to be a special Christmas so she rented a cabin in the middle of nowhere. We're going to be trapped like "The Shining."

Trudie:
I still have one more chance for survival - Nick's coming with me.

Taj:
Table 2 wants their check. Table 2.

Lucy:
What? That's a little fast, isn't it?

Trudie:
Well, it's been a couple of months. Besides I have nothing to offer these people - no husband, no grandchildren. My dad even thinks I'm a lesbian.

Lucy:
So you're using Nick to get your parents off your back.

Trudie:
Yes - No! He's just great at first impressions. I don't know what you have against him.

Lucy:
I guess elitist jackasses aren't my type; they aren't yours, either.

[Trudie attempts to abduct David using Taj's antique pistol]

David Martin:
What the hell is that?

Trudie:
It's a gun.

David Martin:
Are you sure?

[Lucy is wearing toy reindeer antlers]

Jessica:
Ah, you, Blitzen.

Lucy:
Excuse you?

Jessica:
I'm looking for my boyfriend - handsome, nice dimples...

Lucy:
Handsome, nice dimples - don't see him. Maybe this is his way of dumping you.

Trudie:
There may not be such a thing as a perfect job, a perfect life or a perfect family, but there is such a thing as a perfect moment. So I take back what I said. Doing one crazy thing probably does make you crazy, but it also can make you happy.