Holiday on the Buses

Arthur:
No we can't do it, Olive and I have not performed together for too long.

Olive:
Well that's true.

Stan Butler:
I was only asking you to do the foxtrot, not bleedin' 'Last Tango in Paris'.

Stan Butler:
He's gonna be annoyed, he's got it but it's not much use to him.

Olive:
Story of Arthur's life.

Olive:
Will you come with me?

Arthur:
Don't talk wet.

Mrs. Briggs:
No wonder you want me to take sleeping tablets, you're a sex maniac!

Arthur:
With the grace of God I'll have to go to confession in the morning.

Wally Briggs:
Did you hear that?

Mrs. Briggs:
Yes but don't let it give you ideas.

Jack:
Olive's been crying all morning, what happened to her last night?

Stan Butler:
Nothing, that's why she's crying. I think mum did alright -he carved another notch in his walking stick.

Jack:
I've been telling the girls about that mystery tour we're going to take them on tonight.

Stan Butler:
What mystery tour?

Jack:
You know, that one at 9'o clock, on the beach.

Stan Butler:
Oh that mystery tour.

Stan Butler:
I'm sorry you broke your foot.

Inspector 'Blakey' Blake:
[suprised] Thanks.

Stan Butler:
It should've been your neck!

Stan Butler:
Have you had it off with her yet?

Inspector 'Blakey' Blake:
How dare you! She happens to be a very respectable young woman, we're getting rather close.

Stan Butler:
'Ow romantic, she's fallen in love with his big toe.

Jack:
That's the best part of him!

Olive:
Ere Arthur, as mums got the kid in with her we've got the bedroom to ourselves, be like a second honeymoon. Coming to bed now Arthur?

Arthur:
[Looking at floor] I do believe this needs another scrub

Olive:
But if you do that I might be asleep when you come in.

Arthur:
Oh dear me.

Stan Butler:
It's Mavis over there - without her mum!

Arthur:
[Seeing Olive's swimming costume - a bikini] Have you gone raving mad? What made you buy that?

Arthur:
Everybody out - no-one's allowed in the pool till that lady's covered up. [Pointing to Olive] .

Stan Butler:
Cor blimey what a sight!

Inspector 'Blakey' Blake:
You lecherous moron you.

Mrs. Hudson:
What's going on?

Stan Butler:
Nothing, I was just going to ask your daughter if we can have a drink.

Mrs. Hudson:
Good idea, we can all go together.

Jack:
Ere, what do you like?

Red Cross Nurse:
You know, a bit of the old shake, rattle and roll.

Jack:
That can easily be arranged, why not come with me then. Old Blakey wont teach you anything, not here or anywhere else!

Stan Butler:
Ave a drop of champagne, best not waste it. Come to think of it, best not waste anything else either!

Olive:
Oh Arthur, the smell of paint might keep me up all night...

Arthur:
The state my back's in nothing else will!

Arthur:
You stupid great lump! Now I'll have to go through that whole performance again. With my back it'll be the death of me.

Wally Briggs:
Hello Olive love, you looked better in your nightie!

Arthur:
What does he mean by that?

Inspector 'Blakey' Blake:
That's made my day that has.