Monty:
Why did you say that I was a loser?

Simon Wilder:
Winners forget they're in a race, they just love to run. You try too hard.

Simon Wilder:
Women. Ain't they perfect?

Monty:
Not always.

Simon Wilder:
Yes, they are, they're perfect. Don't matter if they're skinny, fat, blond or blue. If a woman is willing to give you her love, Harvard, it's the greatest gift in the world. Makes you taller, makes you smarter, makes your teeth shine. Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect.

Simon Wilder:
Know why you hate me so much Jeffrey? Because I look the way you feel.

Courtney:
I don't take sex home.

Courtney:
What are you doing?

Monty:
I'm ending our friendship.

Simon Wilder:
Yes I'm a bum. But I'm a Harvard bum.

Courtney:
Hey Everett, can I borrow a condom?

Everett:
No, but you can have one.

Everett:
Endurance test?

Courtney:
More like pop quiz.

Simon Wilder:
You asked the question, sir, now let me answer it. The beauty of the Constitution is that it can always be changed. The beauty of the Constitution is that it makes no set law other than faith in the wisdom of ordinary people to govern themselves.

Proffesor Pitkannan:
Faith in the wisdom of the people is exactly what makes the Constitution incomplete and crude.

Simon Wilder:
Crude? No, sir. Our "founding parents" were pompous, white, middle-aged farmers, but they were also great men. Because they knew one thing that all great men should know: that they didn't know everything. Sure, they'd make mistakes, but they made sure to leave a way to correct them. The president is not an "elected king," no matter how many bombs he can drop. Because the "crude" Constitution doesn't trust him. He's just a bum, okay Mr. Pitkannan? He's just a bum.

Simon Wilder:
Which door do I leave from?

Proffesor Pitkannan:
At Harvard we don't end our sentences with prepositions.

Simon Wilder:
Okay. Which door do I leave from, asshole?

Simon Wilder:
Hey, you know what the greatest nation in the world is?

Donation Student:
Well I hope it's the USA.

Simon Wilder:
Wrong. It's donation.

Everett:
Oh sure, you're a mechanic?

Simon Wilder:
No, I'm a Zen Buddhist, but that's close enough.

Simon Wilder:
How many bottles of that wine would you be willing to give me to fix it?

Everett:
To get this thing running? Six.

Simon Wilder:
Eight.

Everett:
Seven.

Simon Wilder:
Eight.

Everett:
Okay, nine, but that's my final offer.

Simon Wilder:
Didn't you used to run a saving and loan?

Simon Wilder:
Is this a lover's quarrel? Maybe I should leave.

Courtney:
We're not lovers, we're roommmates and we respect each others' space.

Simon Wilder:
You respect each others' empty air? That's very profound for a couple of Harvard students.

Social Security Clerk:
DOB?

Simon Wilder:
EFGHIJ.

Social Security Clerk:
I'm going to ask again, do you have evidence of birth?

Simon Wilder:
I'm sittin' here ain't I lady? What do you think, I happened by spontaneous combustion?

Jeffrey:
Holy Shit!

Simon Wilder:
You think so? Looks like the regular variety out of the garden to me.

Simon Wilder:
For Honor!

Monty:
With honor!

Everett:
For Honor!

Proffesor Pitkannan:
With honors! For honor!