Dan Mott:
Billy's dead and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do.

Del Knox:
You boys better get dressed faster 'cause I been up here alone for almost 30 years now.

Dan Mott:
The only chance we have to survive is to huddle together for warmth...

Jerry Conlaine:
I, for one, choose death.

Jerry Conlaine:
I christen this, Duke the second!

River Guide:
Thanks for breaking glass where my kids play.

Dan Mott:
Whoa... Matrix.

Dan Mott:
Stop it! Stop it! SHUT UP! I AM DOCTOR MOTT!

Jerry Conlaine:
Well I was a boyscout, you were a boyscout too right Tom?

Tom Marshall:
No but I ate a brownie once.

Tom Marshall:
Is this Billy's funeral? Is that the corpse of Billy Newwood?

Jerry Conlaine:
Tom!

Tom Marshall:
Where'd you guys park?

Jerry Conlaine:
Come on, Dan. It's like when we'd jump off the railroad bridge into the river when we were kids. This is... higher than that...

Dan Mott:
But I never *did* jump in the river! You guys always pushed me when I wasn't looking!

Jerry Conlaine:
Come on it's cold lets go back to bed.

Tom Marshall:
Not until he puts Jabba back in his Hut!

Dan Mott:
Mmm, bacon.

Del Knox:
Squirrel.

Dan Mott:
Mmm... squirrel.

Dan Mott:
Hey guys look! A wild deer! All out in the open like that!

Tom Marshall:
He won't bother you if you're in the fetal position... Abort the fetal position!

Dan Mott:
Stop, drop, and roll!

Dan Mott:
What are you doing?

Jerry Conlaine:
Taking off my shoes

Dan Mott:
Why?

Jerry Conlaine:
Because I run faster with no shoes

Dan Mott:
You can't out-run that bear!

Jerry Conlaine:
I dont have to out-run the bear, I just have to out-run you!

Jerry Conlaine:
Wait a second. Tom, were you really employee of the month?

Tom Marshall:
No! I lied about that too!

Dan Mott:
This trip is officially over! This is finished! Let's just go home.

Tom Marshall:
I agree. That is a great idea. All we've got to do is jump up over that 100-foot waterfall, swim upstream 20 miles, get the sheriff on the phone... he liked us, I remember. And he'll send out a rescue boat. And... hey, there's a beer in the river. Cool.

Dan Mott:
Where are we?

Jerry Conlaine:
Corner of Bumfuck and You Got a Pretty Mouth.

Dan Mott:
Hey, that sounds like Creed.

Tom Marshall:
I never thought I'd be happy to hear anything that sounds like Creed.

Elwood:
How do ya like me now?

Jerry Conlaine:
I'm what neurologists call slow!

Jerry Conlaine:
When we get out of this someone's buying a round of drinks, not it.

Tom Marshall:
Not it.

Dan Mott:
Is there beer in heaven?

Jerry Conlaine:
I was thinking more the bar in town.

Denise:
Can you please be serious for 5 minutes?

Jerry Conlaine:
My record is 4 but I think I can do it.

Dan Mott:
We should just... go home!

Tom Marshall:
Yeah, that's a great idea! We'll just jump over that hundred foot waterfall, swim twenty miles upstream, get the sheriff on the phone, he liked us, I remember, and he'll send out a rescue! Hey, look, there's a beer in the water!

Dennis:
Where the hell did they get all this poop?

Dennis:

Del Knox:
Whatever it is you guy are looking for, you gotta go out there and get it right now.

Del Knox:
Not right now you idiots.