Funny Girl was hot, hot, hot that year. And I begged my father to take us to see it, but he couldn't get his hands on a single ticket. Instead, he took us to see a matinee of Any Wednesday with Sandy Dennis. He said, Let's go see a woman who's going to be doing the exact same thing for the next 20 years. But she did it best in Any Wednesday, you have to admit.
When I was a little girl, I used to go home for lunch every day, and I'd pretend that my mother was a waitress in a roadside cafe. I'll have a side order, ma'am. A side order consists of a white-meat tuna, a dollop of mayonnaise, some carrot strips and potato chips. And then I'd sit at the counter... and ignore her.
The last time I went anywhere with my parents before the divorce, we'd gone to Vegas 'cause I was doing the telethon with Jerry Lewis. And we'd just had dinner at the Stardust Hotel, one of the eight international restaurants -- I believe it was Aku Aku, the Polynesian. And my mother grabbed a handful of after-dinner mints, and she started choking on them. So me and my brother walked really far ahead in the casino. And my dad finally got her a glass of water, and she washed it all down. She went, Oh my God, there must have been dust on those mints.
I really got caught up in the romance of being gentile, especially around Christmas time. I would fantasize that I had an older brother named Chip and a little sister named Sally, and my name would either be Happy or Buffy or Babe, one of those big, sexy blondes who plays a lot of volleyball: Yeah, spike it, Babe, all right! Yes!
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