- Antonia "Tony" Sloviak: That's a nice greenhouse.
Grady Tripp: It's Mrs. Gaskell's. Her hobby.
Terry Crabtree: I thought you were Mrs. Gaskell's hobby, Tripp.
Grady Tripp: Piss off, Crabs. I lost a wife today.
Terry Crabtree: Oh, I'm sure you'll find another. You always do. »
- Grady Tripp: Besides, I'm not sure if he's, uh...
Terry Crabtree: He is, I'm sure, take my word for it. I see myself in him.
Grady Tripp: Oh, I'm sure you do. »
- Grady Tripp: Fine, just fine.
James Leer: Yeah, fit as a fucking fiddle. »
- Grady Tripp: I hope you don't find this forward Amanda, but I wonder if I might ask: Did you ever go to Catholic school?
Amanda Leer: Excuse me? »
- Grady Tripp: I'm a teacher, not a Holiday Inn. »
- Grady Tripp: James like it or not those people out there are your parents.
James Leer: They're not my parents.
Grady Tripp: What?
James Leer: They're my grandparents... my parents are dead.
Grady Tripp: James the man is obviously your father... you look just like him.
James Leer: There's a reason for that. »
- Grady Tripp: Okay, James, I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriend's dog. Even though Poe and I weren't exactly what you'd call simpatico, that's no reason he should've taken two in the chest. »
- Grady Tripp: She's a transvestite.
Terry Crabtree: You're stoned.
Grady Tripp: She's still a transvestite. »
- Grady Tripp: Shit, James. You shot Dr. Gaskell's dog.
James Leer: I had to! Didn't I?
Grady Tripp: Couldn't you have just pulled him off me? »
- Grady Tripp: Well, he did say a few things that made me believe it WAS his car.
Terry Crabtree: Like what?
Grady Tripp: "That's my car, motherfucker." »
- Grady Tripp: What do we have here? This looks like... that's our old friend Mr. Codeine. That should take the old pinch out of the ankle. Want one?
James Leer: No, thanks. I'm fine without them.
Grady Tripp: Right. That's why you were standing in the chancellor's backyard spinning that "cap gun" of yours. You're fine. Yeah, you're just as fit as a fuckin' fiddle. »
- Grady Tripp: Where's the cake?
Terry Crabtree: Right behind you.
Grady Tripp: That's not what I meant. »
- Hannah Green: Grady, you know how in class you're always telling us that writers make choices?
Grady Tripp: Yeah.
Hannah Green: And even though you're book is really beautiful, I mean, amazingly beautiful, it's... it's at times... it's... very detailed. You know, with the genealogies of everyone's horses, and the dental records, and so on. And... I could be wrong, but it sort of reads in places like you didn't make any choices. At all. And I was just wondering if it might not be different if... if when you wrote you weren't always... under the influence.
Grady Tripp: Well... thank you for the thought, but shocking as it may sound, I am not the first writer to sip a little weed. Furthermore, it might surprise you to know that one book I wrote, as you say, "under the influence," just happened to win a little something called the Pen Award. Which, by the way, I accepted under the influence. »
- James Leer: It's just... for good luck. Some people carry rabbits' feet...
Grady Tripp: ...You carry firearms. »
- James Leer: No offence, Professor Tripp, but you look kinda crappy. »
- James Leer: No thanks. I'm fine without them.
Grady Tripp: Right. That's why you were standing in the Chancellor's back yard twirling that little cap gun of yours tonight. You're fine, all right, you're fit as a fucking fiddle. »
- James Leer: Now, that is a big trunk. It holds a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly.
Grady Tripp: That's just what they used to say in the ads. »
- James Leer: Professor Tripp? Can I ask you a question?
Grady Tripp: Yeah, James.
James Leer: What are we going to do with... it?
Grady Tripp: I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her husband's dog.
James Leer: You?
Grady Tripp: Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the trigger man.
James Leer: Does she want to hear it was one of her professors?
Grady Tripp: ...I've got tenure. »
- James Leer: The doors made so much noise!
Grady Tripp: Is he all right?
James Leer: It was so embarrassing! He had to be carried out.
Terry Crabtree: He's fine. He's narrating.
James Leer: They were going to the restroom. But would they make it in time? »
- James Leer: These are incredible. Incredible!
Grady Tripp: Finish the rest of that joint, James, you can start chewing on the box. »
- James Leer: You're not like my other teachers, Professor Tripp.
Grady Tripp: You're not like my other students, James. »
- Oola: I know you. Double Dickel on the rocks. I never forget a drink.
Grady Tripp: And I never forget an Oola. »
- Q: I... am a writer. »
- Sara Gaskell: Is that Cristaile?
Grady Tripp: Mm.
Sara Gaskell: My God, I wear the same scent as a transvestite. »
- Sara Gaskell: So. I guess we just divorce our spouses, marry each other, and have this baby, right? Simple. »
- Vernon Hardapple: Why did you keep writing this book if you didn't even know what it was about?
Grady Tripp: I couldn't stop. »
- Vernon Hardapple: You drivin' this car?
Grady Tripp: Excuse me?
Vernon Hardapple: This 1966 maroon Ford Galaxie 500. You drivin' this car?
Grady Tripp: It's mine.
Vernon Hardapple: Bullshit! It's mine, motherfucka!
Grady Tripp: You must be mistaken.
Vernon Hardapple: Bullshit! »
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