Nelson Hibbert:
My name is Jones . . . Enema Bag Jones.

Nelson Hibbert:
What kind of a man has a favorite daughter?

Mr. Nagel:
Now, moving along --

Nelson Hibbert:
And if you do have a favorite then you should label them! Favorite and not favorite!

Lynn Holden:
I feel that I'm a pretty intuitive person. Except for that one guy who said he was an advanced scout for an alien invasion force but it turned out he just wanted to get inside my pants.

Creepy Guy:
Know how assassins it took to kill JFK?

Nelson Hibbert:
One?

Creepy Guy:
Nope. There were no gunmen at all. His head just did that.

The Killer:
You're awake!?

Nelson Hibbert:
Yes, for quite some time now.

The Killer:
but I've been carrying you.

Nelson Hibbert:
I thought you wanted to.

Creepy Guy:
I could kill you right now with just two teabags and some waxpaper!