Lauren:
Ryan and I were having sex! Hot steamy, sweaty sex! Every part of my body tingled orgasm after orgasm...

Ryan Harrison:
Your dog sure has a surprised look on his face.

Lauren:
That's because you're looking at his butt.

Ryan Harrison:
Uh, then he's certainly not going to enjoy that treat I just fed to him.

Cass Lake:
Cass Lake.

Ryan Harrison:
No, Ryan Harrison. You're mixing me up with some woman.

Lt. Fergus Falls:
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be held against you. One nation, indivisible, till death do us part.

Lt. Fergus Falls:
Guilt or innocence, that's not my job. It's my duty to pick up scum-sucking punks like yourself who are accused of a crime. A jury of twelve really stupid people who are easily swayed by rich, fat-cat, slimy lawyers, who'll do anything but tell the truth, will sit in judgment of you. It's as American as a burrito.

Cass Lake:
You see, I think she's my sister.

Ryan Harrison:
Sister?

Cass Lake:
It's like a brother, only you do each other's hair.

Ryan Harrison:
Women and me are like water and fire: wet and flammable.

Ryan Harrison:
Don't move. I've got a gun. Not here, but I got one.

Ryan Harrison:
Your lies are like bananas. They come in big yellow bunches.

Lt. Fergus Falls:
Shoot and gut every animal in the park. Their stomachs might contain something that could be a clue. Donate the meat to charity. The hides can be turned into warm socks for the poor. Grind up the bones for dog food. I want nothing wasted.

Ryan Harrison:
We can go away right now. I pack light. Everything we need is right here in my pants.