Kronk's New Groove

Kronk:
You don't let a guy like Papi down, or you'll get one of these. The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection.

Kronk:
What am I gonna do? I know. I'll tunnel out of here with a spoon, escape through the sewers and live as a quiet but lonely shepherdess named Maria. That'll work. [Goes to the drawer] We're out of spoons! I'm doomed.

Rudy:
[imitating Gollum] My precious! Kronk just wants to keep it. We must not let him. No!

Kronk:
Something's just not right here.

Angel Kronk:
Figured that out on your own genius?

Kronk:
Yeah, sure did. Figured what out?

Kronk's Shoulder Angel:
Okay. Take a look at your pal, Rudy. This is before and this is after. Before. After. You see any difference?

Kronk:
Hmm, can I see before again? Well, I give up. They look exactly the same. [He then realizes] He looks exactly the same, so the potion is worthless, and Yzma's a crook, and it's all my fault because I helped her do it!

Devil Kronk:
What's the problem? Look at him. He's happy. Eh, fine. You win.

Kronk:
Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina.

Old Man:
Hey, Kronk, does this stuff really work?

Kronk:
[under his breath to Yzma] Hey, does this stuff really work?

Yzma:
Of course it does, you idiot!

Kronk:
[cheerily] Of course it does, you idiot!

Old Man:
Good enough for me!

Kronk:
Drink up everyone Liquid gold

(Old people drink Yzma's potion)

Kronk:
Chaca, there's no "i" in team.

Ms. Birdwell:
But there's a "u" in euphoric!

Kronk:
And a "me" in mediocre.

Skinny Old Man:
Hey, Kronk, does this stuff really work?

Kronk:
[under his breath] Hey, does this stuff really work?

Yzma:
[angry whisper] Of course it does, you idiot!

Kronk:
[cheerily] Of course it does, you idiot!

Skinny Old Man:
[long pause] Good enough for me!

Yzma:
I have a proposition for you.

Kronk:
[screams in horror]

Yzma:
A business proposition.

Kuzco:
At this point you're probably wondering, "Hey, where's that emperor guy?" Wella-wella-boom, baby! Emperor Kuzco here, coming at ya live from the palace.

Guards:
Hail, Kuzco!

Kuzco:
Please, don't grovel, it's embarrassing. I'm not like that anymore. I'm nice now! Didn't you see the first movie? [Pulls out a giant poster for "Emperor's New Groove"] Yay! A 50-foot me! I loved that movie because it's all about me! But right now it's Kronk's turn to be in the limelight. So let me put it as simply as possible: This is HIS movie, not my movie. His movie, not mine. His, not mine. All right, everybody got it, even the little ones? OK I'll be back to check on you later. Have some popcorn, a little sippy-sip of your sip stuff. Places, please. Action!

[Scene goes to restaurant]

Waitress:
Ordering! Waffle platter, extra butter, two honey-glazed pill bugs and a chocolate sundae, hold the cherry.

Kronk:
[narrating] Yeah, it was shaping up to be another perfect day. The orders were flying, the joint was jumping, grease was popping and everybody knew my name. Oh yeah I was living the dream.

Yzma:
Welcome to my new secret lab! Souvenir photo?

Kronk:
Oh, rats. My eyes were closed.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel:
Look at her. She's upset.

Kronk:
Upset? She's beating me in effigy.

Kuzco:
[Appears dressed as Kronk's wife] Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself into the movie? Nice.

Kronk:
Kuzco?

Kuzco:
How ya doing hot stuff?

Kronk:
Hot stuff?!? [Pulls out an "Uh oh" sign]

Waitress:
I had to ask.

Kronk:
My nightmare began on a day like any other. So technically, it would be a daymare, but I digress. It was lunchtime, and I was making my usual deliveries around town. I always saved the best stop for last, to see my dear old friends at the Flickering Embers Home for Seniors. A happier group of folks you'd never hope to meet. A perfect example of how to grow old with grace and dignity.

Old Man 1:
Does this look like a rash to you?

Old Man 2:
Has anybody seen my teeth?

Kronk:
[Reading the label on his egg carton] Kronk's eggs, property of Kronk, do not use, except for Kronk.