Cage:
You know, Jeff, I think today is a good day to die.

Cage:
You mean there's an alien life force created by the devil?

Bill the Janitor:
You f-cking fudgepacker homo zombies! You're not gonna get my chocolate canal!

Video store clerk:
Do you like lesbians? Lesbians are great!

God:
He who loves his life will lose it.

Jesus Christ:
Stay and have some wine.

Laura:
We don't have any wine.

Jesus Christ:
We have tap water and glasses. I'm Jesus, I'll turn the water into wine!

Laura:
You're thirty-three-years-old and you think you're Jesus Christ.