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Cage: You know, Jeff, I think today is a good day to die.
Cage: You mean there's an alien life force created by the devil?
Bill the Janitor: You f-cking fudgepacker homo zombies! You're not gonna get my chocolate canal!
Video store clerk: Do you like lesbians? Lesbians are great!
God: He who loves his life will lose it.
Jesus Christ: Stay and have some wine.
Laura: We don't have any wine.
Jesus Christ: We have tap water and glasses. I'm Jesus, I'll turn the water into wine!
Laura: You're thirty-three-years-old and you think you're Jesus Christ.