Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

Alvin:
So this is a classroom. [sniffs] I love the smell of zit cream in the morning!

Alvin:
I'm gonna crack you like an acorn and eat you for dinner! With some fava beans and a nice chianti. (imitates Hannibal Lecter)

Alvin:
Everybody, shake what your mama gave ya!

Alvin:
I'm not going anywhere without Daaa...! [the doctor injects him in the rear with a sedative] ...aaaydream believer, and the homecoming queen... [falls out cold]

Alvin:
Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong!

Simon:
[While playing dodgeball] Glasses! Glasses! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?! [Gets hit by a dodgeball] Right in the pancreas.

Simon:
[after meeting Jeanette] Her glasses were quite fetching.

Simon:
[to Ryan] And you call yourself a jock.

Theodore:
[after meeting Eleanor] She's like a beautiful green gumdrop.

Theodore:
[after the Eagles' mascot falls down the stairs] That wasn't very fun-ish.

Brittany:
Oh, my... the Hollywood sign!

Brittany:
You made Alvin and the Chipmunks stars. We wanna be stars, too.

Brittany:
Ian, I won't perform without my sisters.

Brittany:
We are so going to destroy those Chipmunks!

Brittany:
I just adore a penthouse view!

Brittany:
Hey, Ian! In the words of the Donald: You're fired!

Jeanette:
That Simon is dreamy.

Eleanor:
I think Theodore was looking at me!

Eleanor:
We either sing together, or not at all!

David Seville:
[Repeated line] ALVIIIIIIIIIN!!!

Toby Seville:
I can totally do this. I mean, I took care of my cat... before he ran away. Well, "ran away" is a strong word, I think he just wanted his space. But, I see him on the street sometimes. He hisses and claws at me, but I think that's his way of saying we're tight.

Toby Seville:
Dave wants you to go to school, so you're goin'.

Ian Hawke:
I had 15 cars. I mean, that's like 5 more cars than anybody really needs. I had 7 maids. I had courtside seats to the Lakers. Even my maids had courtside seats to the Lakers. And now, look at me. Look at me! I lost everything. Except for my dignity. They can't take that away from me. And it's all because of them. Now I run around, hoping and praying that I can find other animals that can sing or dance.

Ian Hawke:
I will get you, Chipmunks.

Ian Hawke:
[hears chipmunk-like voices] That voice! I can't get it outta my head!

Ian Hawke:
Students of West Eastman, you have just witnessed the debut of the Chipettes!

Ian Hawke:
[to the Chipmunks] In your FACE!

Ian Hawke:
Girls, guess who just became the #1 Chipette fan in the whole dang world? Ian Hawke! That's who!

Ian Hawke:
[films the Chipettes and himself on his phone] Like what you see? Call Ian Hawke. (310) 555-5309.

Doctor:
(to Alvin, when Dave's hospital bed goes haywire) The more stress you put on Mr. Seville, the longer it will take him to recover!

Jackie:
Toby's living with me 'til he figures out what he wants to do with his life. So far, that means going (imitates playing a video game) "Pyu! Pyu-pyu-pyu-pyu!" with his thumbs all day.

[the Chipmunks answer the phone]

Simon:
Be cool.

Alvin and Simon:
[slowly] Hello?

Dave:
Guys, it's me.

Alvin and Simon:
Dave!?

Alvin:
As in "Dave"?

Dave:
Well, I guess since you answered the phone, you haven't burned down the house yet.

Alvin:
Have a little faith, Dave!

Theodore:
Yeah! [falls off the pot rack] Mayday!

[He lands on a pan, and it hits the floor]

Dave:
What was that?

Simon:
[whispers to Alvin] Don't stress him out.

Alvin:
Uh, that was Aunt Jackie. Yeah. She's cooking us a tasty 5-course meal.

Dave:
Really? Well, Can I talk to her?

Theodore:
She's practicing her pole dancing.

[Alvin and Simon look confused]

Dave:
Pole dancing? What happened to making dinner? Guys, what's goin' on?

Alvin:
Gotta go, Dave!

Dave:
Alvin, I'm not kidding!

Alvin:
Feel better!

Dave:
ALVIIIIIIIIIIIII...!

[Alvin hangs up just before Dave finishes]

Alvin:
Yep! Nobody does that better than him.

(Ryan notices the Chipmunks meeting the female students)

Ryan:
Somebody's gonna hafta knock those guys down to size.

Xander:
That should be pretty easy. I mean, they're only 8 inches tall.

[the Chipmunks have been talking with the female students at lunch]

Ryan:
Listen up, rock stars. If you talk to those girls again, you're dead. If you look at those girls again, you're dead. If you even think about those girls... Are you thinkin' about them?

Alvin:
Well, I am now.

Ryan:
That's it. YOU'RE DEAD!!

[he tries to catch the Chipmunks, but they escape]

Ryan:
Xander, come on!

[Xander follows him]

Xander:
Get back here, you dirty rats!

Simon:
Can't swim! Help!

Alvin:
Grab on, Simon!

[He pulls Simon out of the toilet]

Simon:
Thanks. [shakes himself off]

Alvin:
Are you okay?

Simon:
Well, uh, considering that you just saved me from drowning in a toilet, I'm, uh, pretty good.

Alvin:
I'll be right back.

[he walks into the corridor]

Simon:
Alvin! Alvin! We're not gonna solve anything with violence!

[they spot Theodore hanging in the locker room; Ryan and Xander try poking him]

Ryan:
It's the fatty ratty.

Theodore:
Cut it out!

[they poke his rear]

Ryan:
This rat has serious junk in the trunk.

Theodore:
Hey!

Xander:
Yeah, little fatty.

Theodore:
Stop it!

Ryan:
Tickles when I poke him.

[Alvin and Simon furiously attack Ryan and Xander]

[the Chipmunks are sent to Dr. Rubin's office after their brawl against Ryan and Xander]

Dr. Rubin:
You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.

Simon:
That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.

Dr. Rubin:
I should suspend all 3 of you.

Alvin:
Please do.

Dr. Rubin:
Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.

Simon:
That's awful.

Dr. Rubin:
I know. But there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition, and the winner's school receives $25,000. If we win, we can save our program.

Simon:
And you want us to perform?

Alvin:
'Cause I didn't think you were a fan.

Dr. Rubin:
Why don't you sleep on it?

[she reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks on her left arm, to the Chipmunks' surprise]

Alvin:
Wait a minute! What is that?! That's us!

Theodore:
I look skinny.

[Dr. Rubin is shocked that they have noticed]

Dr. Rubin:
Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could-- [laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk] I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your C.D.'s. I even went to see you last year in Denver. That's where I got this. [her tattoo] It was my birthday. And I was like: "Ah! The Chipmunks! Ah!". So, what do you say? Will you represent our school?

Alvin:
Honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.

Theodore:
Come on, Alvin. Whattaya say? One for all, and 3 for one.

Simon:
Well put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!

Alvin:
[unenthusiastically] Yay.

Dr. Rubin:
Go, Eagles!

Theodore:
Eagles?! Where?!

Dave:
Hey Ian are you sure you what the chipettes in your show?

Ian:
Yes I am sure they are talking chipmunks

Dave:
Well ok but don't come to me when they leave you.

Ian:
Ok. They're never leaving

Ian:
"Life is great...especially when you're *not* a loser!