Bachelorette

Katie:
[after ripping the wedding dress] Okay. We- you know what? We're just gonna hide it. We're gonna have to make it look as if somebody just, you know, they broke in and they stole it.

Joe:
[explain how he's been to a strip club] Hence why I know that for a fact, this gets really just awkward once you get there. You never know what exactly to do. It's weird getting a lap dance in front of other people.

Becky:
[her wedding dress is missing] This is all f***ed up. I'm gonna walk in wearing my pajamas like I'm f***ing Michael Jackson.

Regan:
What are you doing right now?

Gena:
[looks over at the guy sleeping next to her] Just like your typical Sunday morning.

Regan:
It's Monday and it's like noon in L.A.

Gena:
Uh, how do you know that? You don't even f***in' live here.

Regan:
Okay well... you don't even know my day right now. I was having lunch with Becky. We went to that place, we used to hang out at? The one with the really good couscous? -

Gena:
[looks down at the Jack Johnson t-shirt she just put on] F***er!

Regan:
I haven't started the story yet.

Gena:
No. Ugh. I just realized that the guy I slept with sucks.

Gena:
[while Regan is tell her story] Stop. Stop, stop, stop! I gotta conference in Katie.

Regan:
Oh, for Christ sakes! Tell her later.

Gena:
No! This story is so f***ing long already, I'm not gonna remember any of it.

Clyde:
[Gena gives him a look after a young girl flirts with him] What?

Gena:
I didn't say anything.

Clyde:
That is a... dress?

Gena:
No, this is a T-shirt.

Clyde:
I'm glad to see you're still fighting the good fight against the tyranny of pants.

Gena:
I also thought maybe this would help you get a head-start.

Clyde:
Maybe I'm looking for a challenge.

Gena:
Oh... is that why... you're trying to f*** a small child?

Gena:
Okay. What we need right now is, like, an epically brilliant plan, you know? That's what we need. So, you ready? One, two, three, go!

Katie:
Leave the country!

Regan:
I'm gonna call Melissa, the girl we got the dress from.

Gena:
Jesus H. Macey, that's a brilliant f***ing plan!

Regan:
How much cash do you have?

Katie:
I've got five maxed-out credit cards.

Gena:
I have a twenty-dollar- I ripped it. I've got nothing.

Regan:
That sums up your lives.

Trevor:
Looks like you guys caught us en route to a gentlemen's club.

Regan:
Are you sure you're gonna get in? 'Cause I don't see any gentlemen here. [Gena laughs]

Dale:
You know how there are, like, serial killers, and then there's Hannibal Lecter?

Trevor:
Yeah?

Clyde:
There are girls, and then there's Regan.

Gena:
You should throw that guy a bone.

Katie:
Who, Ted?

Gena:
Joe! I bet he's super good in bed.

Katie:
What?!

Gena:
Yeah.

Katie:
Why would you say that?

Gena:
Have you ever f***ed a guy who like never got laid in high school?

Katie:
But how would I know that?

Gena:
Oh, 'cause they're just really good at it. They're really good at sex, 'cause they had to wait for it for so long. It's like a total Krakow situation.

Katie:
Krakow?

Gena:
Brian Krakow, from My So-Called Life. Come on. Okay, listen to me. There are two different types of guys in bed. Number one, Brian Krakow. Didn't have sex 'til college, super grateful. Literally makes a home down here, sets up shop, wants to live in it. Number two, Jordan Catalano. Won't go near the area. Terrified of it. Very good looking, but you know, not worth the time.

Gena:
Hi, get in the cab!

Clyde:
Isn't that dress supposed to be on the bride?

Gena:
Just get in the cab! [To the cabbie] Sir! Sir, I will suck your dick if you get us there in two minutes.

Clyde:
Look, look I think we might be meant for each other. And I am not kidding-

Gena:
Scratch that, this guy will suck your dick.

Clyde:
Look and it's not just because we like the greatest sex- [Gena starts changing her clothes in the cab] Woah! See, your body looks so great.

Gena:
Shut up!

Clyde:
I love your body.