Macie on a Good Day

Macie:
Dad. Dad knows mornings. Knows the shades open means wake up. Knows that breakfast is the most important meal. Knows the birds are all talk-talk-talk but ain't got nothing to say 'cause he knows their whistles as good as they do. The early bird gets the worm and the rest wrestle with the squirrels for the seeds Dad puts out. At the apartment Dad doesn't have no squirrels or chipmunks anymore and he still throws out seed for the talk-talk-talk birds and does his whistles. The best whistles are bird calls. Except maybe for dog whistles since I can't hear them. Sammie seems to like them and runs around. He runs and barks even when you puff your cheeks like you've got a whistle but you don't. Get's like a puppy or like after a bath that he hates until he's clean an acting like the way puppies do. All running and stopping short and running, the way puppies do. When we feed him he's all running and stopping short, all excited like a puppy for wet food. Food-slurp plop out of the can. Dad don't mash it up, like mom mash it up, like Abby mash it up, like Megan mash it up, like I mash it up. Wet food, no dry food. Dad says, "no, table scraps for Sammie or he'll always want table scraps." No Sammie! I say. Abby doesn't listen. Sammie always wants table scraps but I say, "No Sammie!" No enabling Sammie, like drinking Diet Coke. Diet Coke, Vitamin Water, water water. Abby doesn't give me Diet Coke. Megan gives me Diet Coke. Abby says in an argument, "Stop enabling her!" So I drink Diet Coke, Vitamin Water, water water.

Macie:
I have a square head like Angelina Jolie. I don't like Angelina Jolie. Megan says, "her movies steal husbands."

Abby:
What? What? What? She likes cats. She likes cats. You don't like cats, what? F***ing pervert.

Macie:
You wanna watch a Ryan Gosling movie Abby? 'Cause it's okay to cry when Ryan Gosling builds someone a house.

Turtle-Dove:
My name's Turtle-Dove.

Abby:
That's a stupid f***in' name.

Turtle-Dove:
My Christian name was worse, that's why I changed it.

Abby:
To Turtle-Dove, you couldn't do no better.

Turtle-Dove:
Nah girl. Nah. It ain't like that.

Abby:
So why Turtle-Dove?

Turtle-Dove:
I don't know. Why the triangle claim all them ships and sh*t? Why are girls made of sugar and spice and everything nice? Why we f***in' here on this earth? Mysteries. You know? Mysteries, that's all it is. Some mysteries just stay mysteries, you feel me.

Abby:
So why Turtle-Dove?

Turtle-Dove:
Girl after my own heart, all persistent and sh*t.

Megan:
When you said, "If I tell you to bark like a dog, you bark like a dog." Which, lemme say, was a real high risk foreplay line, nearly made me put a kobosh on the whole thing.

Anthony:
Yeah.

Megan:
Whole thing. I wasn't offended or anything, I was just like... I do terrible dog impressions.

Abby:
I'm going to buy and use enough drugs to kill myself tonight. Does that bother you?

Turtle-Dove:
Philosophically? No. I ain't of the mind that there's else much greater out there so... you do what's gotta get do'ed, in your mental land and providence. And aside from your previous hint of a mutual desire for a symbiotic merchant/patron relationship there's the added purple elephant among us as to the matter of your overwhelmingly admirable tight little body and the fact that it would be a crying shame to let such a specimen go to waste. I mean it is your hot ass to do with as you see fit and if the hammer goes down on self infliction to the highest, I won't keep you from your chosen exit but if it's all the same, I'd like try to assuage your personal demons' sway... You know it's a gentleman's burden to give it the old college try.

Macie:
He cuts my hair every five Tuesdays but today is his birthday and he's celebrating it at Stratus and I'm a grown up and I need to tell him because it's Friday which is turkey/venison meatball spaghetti night and I have to give him the spaghetti. It isn't turkey/venison cause Megan didn't give me the venison and farmer's market is at kingdom come which I guess is far cause Abby didn't want to drive there since we were already at a grocery store but they didn't have venison. They had lean 6% fat beef from cows that get to eat only grass. I feel really bad for them cause grass is good, okay but it's not so good, okay... not like turkey/venison meatballs or tea flavored with long island or or or... "awhooooo" Cookie Crisp.

Macie:
Memory is love.