My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Hannah Lewis:
Why did G-Girl throw a shark at us?

[after revealing her secret to Matt]

Jenny Johnson:
Say "I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."

Matt Saunders:
Is that a possibility?

Jenny Johnson:
Say it!

Matt Saunders:
Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.

Jenny Johnson:
[after breaking the bed while having sex] I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one.

Matt Saunders:
A bed or a penis?

Jenny Johnson:
Both.

[in a dream sequence, Matt tells Vaughan G-Girl's secret identity]

Jenny Johnson:
[brandishing a chainsaw] I WARNED YOU, MATT SAUNDERS!

Jenny Johnson:
[off screen; in a loud yell] Hey, sweetie!

[Matt looks out Hannah's window to see G-Girl hovering in front of him]

Jenny Johnson:
I hate you, Matt Saunders!

[proceeds to throw a Great White shark into the apartment]

Jenny Johnson:
[seductively, walking toward him slowly] Matt Saunders, I'm afraid you've been a very evil boy. I think you need to be brought to justice.

Matt Saunders:
[with a big grin on his face] Oh, yeah, I have been known to break a few rules here and there.

Jenny Johnson:
[still seductive] Total, unequivocal justice.

Vaughn Haige:
Oh, no no. Don't tell me. You have invaded the female nation and spread your democracy.

Carla Dunkirk:
You are headed for some serious trouble.

Matt Saunders:
I hear you, Homegirl. I got it.

Matt Saunders:
Go and hide out somewhere. San Diego, Tahiti, Utah. No! Not Utah. Utah sucks.

Matt Saunders:
I'm not going to help you kill her!

Professor Bedlam:
Kill? I didn't say "kill"! I said "neutralize"! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!

[Jenny emerges from the meteor, her powers restored]

Jenny Johnson:
I thought you were just a jerk, but I didn't think you were this despicable! Teaming up with BARRY!

Jenny Johnson:
[to Matt as she crushes his chest] You broke my heart! Now, I'm going to break your EVERYTHING!

Hannah Lewis:
[Hannah emerges from the meteor, transformed] *HEY*! Let go of my boyfriend, you crazy B*TCH!

Jenny Johnson:
Bring it! [they start fighting in mid-air]

Matt Saunders:
If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Vaughn Haige:
The ability to gratify myself orally.

Matt Saunders:
Interesting. But wouldn't that be a little...

Matt Saunders, Vaughn Haige:
Gay.

Vaughn Haige:
No.

Matt Saunders:
Yeah.

Vaughn Haige:
Not at all. Think about it.

Matt Saunders:
Really? It seems that way.

[last lines]

Matt Saunders:
Wanna get a beer?

Professor Bedlam:
Sure, let's do it.

[the purse-snatcher runs away, having dropped Jenny's handbag]

Matt Saunders:
That's right, you better run, a**hole! Keep running, my man. You don't want any of this! Keep running! Yeah!

[purse snatcher comes back around the corner with a lead pipe in his hands]

Scary Dude:
What'd you call me?

Matt Saunders:
Holy sh*t!

[over the phone]

Matt Saunders:
What's going on there?

Vaughn Haige:
Some big fire on 73rd and Broadway. Everything's burning.

Matt Saunders:
Is anyone hurt?

Vaughn Haige:
I don't know, probably. It's blocking my way to the gym.

Matt Saunders:
All my thoughts are with you in this time of crisis.

[over the phone, as Vaughn watches G-Girl put out a fire by spinning up a whirlwind]

Vaughn Haige:
It's G-Girl! She's doing her thing!

Matt Saunders:
Are you serious? You lucky S.O.B., I've never seen her in person. How does she look?

Vaughn Haige:
She looks...

Matt Saunders:
What?

Vaughn Haige:
...blurry! But still pretty hot!

Jenny Johnson:
I gotta go to the bathroom.

Matt Saunders:
You didn't just go to the bathroom?

Jenny Johnson:
Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.

Hannah Lewis:
[referring to Jenny] She sounds like a nutcase.

Matt Saunders:
So you're saying she's perfect for me.

Vaughn Haige:
There are 3 moments I'll remember 'til the day I die. 1: the look on my father's face when I graduated from Harvard law school. 2: Helping a beached mother whale give birth. And... 3: You and me, together, here, tonight.

Shapely Bartender:
Don't speak to me again... ever.

Matt Saunders:
Hannah!

Vaughn Haige:
Oh, man, I think she's dead. Time to start the grieving process.

Carla Dunkirk:
You were staring at her butt.

Hannah Lewis:
[smiling; flattered] He was?

Matt Saunders:
No I wasn't...

Carla Dunkirk:
Yes he was!

Matt Saunders:
You're that Bedlam guy.

Professor Bedlam:
Professor Bedlam.

Matt Saunders:
The super villain.

Professor Bedlam:
Please, I am not super. I am not a villain. I'm just a regular man like yourself with a thousand times more money, intelligence and taste.

[as they're floating up in the sky]

Jenny Johnson:
I've always wanted to try this.

Matt Saunders:
Try what?

[Jenny unzips his pants]

Matt Saunders:
That. Wow. I'm not sure that's gonna work up here. It's drafty, too.

Professor Bedlam:
[Repeated line] Stop calling me Barry.

Jenny Johnson:
I'm ready.

Matt Saunders:
That's what I call structural integrity.

Matt Saunders:
I find your argument both repugnant and intriguing.

Vaughn Haige:
That's kind of my thing.

Vaughn Haige:
[Looking the word 'dick' burnt on Matt Saunders's forehead] Man! No woman's ever done that to me, and I actually am a dick.

Jenny Johnson:
I thought you were just a jerk, but I didn't think you were this despicable! Teaming up with BARRY! You broke my heart! Now, I'm going to break your EVERYTHING!

Hannah Lewis:
[Hannah emerges from the meteor, shockingly gaining the same superpowers as Jenny] HEY! Let go of my boyfriend, you crazy B*TCH!

Jenny Johnson:
Bring it!

[they start fighting]

Vaughn Haige:
Yes! GIRL FIGHT!

Jenny:
[off screen; in a loud yell] Hey, sweetie!

[Matt looks out Hannah's window to see G-Girl hovering in front of him]

Jenny:
I hate you, Matt Saunders!

[proceeds to throw a Great White shark into the apartment]

Hannah:
Why did G-Girl throw a shark at us?

Jenny Johnson/G-Girl:
[to Matt] You broke my heart! Now, I'm going to break your EVERYTHING!