Our Relations

Stan:
Shakespeare.

Ollie:
Longfellow.

Ollie:
What goes up the chimney?

Stan:
Santa Claus.

Mrs. Betty Laurel:
I'll have a nice Welsh Rarebit.

Joe Grogan:
One Welsh Rarebit.

Stan:
With cheese.

Joe Grogan:
With... [stares malevolently at Stan]

Ollie:
I'll have a nice, tall, cold flagon of beer.

Stan:
And two straws.

Joe Grogan:
[comes back to the table with beer and straws] That'll be a quarter.

Ollie:
A quarter? For this? [indicates the beer]

Joe Grogan:
No, ten cents for the beer and fifteen cents for the straws.

Finn:
[hands Ollie a bill] Here, have yourselves a fling.

Ollie:
A dollar? We can't do much flinging on a dollar.

Ollie:
You know, that Laurel is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

Ollie:
[as Bert] The other one is, too. Neither one of them can see any further than the end of their nose. [Ollie and Bert walk off the pier into the bay. Fade out]

Joe Grogan:
When they were here the first time, they called themselves Laurel and Hardy.

Mrs. Daphne Hardy:
[stops the desert cart] Just a minute.

[to Stan]

Mrs. Daphne Hardy:
Help me this this, you.

[They each pick up a side of a giant birthday cake and drop it on Ollie's head]

Mrs. Daphne Hardy:
Happy Birthday to you. Come on, Betty.

[Walks off]

Ollie:
Now what did you go and help her for?

Stan:
Well I didn't know what she was going to do.

Ollie:
[looks into the camera] That's right - you wouldn't.

Ollie:
I think I'll have...

Joe Grogan:
I know what you two guys are gonna have... [walks off]

Mrs. Betty Laurel:
That's an awfully fresh waiter. [Grogan returns and places a beer between Stan and Ollie. The throws two spoons and two straws on the table]

Ollie:
Stan took me to see and Punch and Judy show; I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid.

Stan:
Why would they feel like that? Everybody has a black sheep in their closet.

Alf Laurel:
Did you saw what I saw?

Bert Hardy:
Certainly, Do you know who they are?

Alf Laurel:
No? Who are they?

Bert Hardy:
Why that's our twin-brother, Stan and Ollie.