Martin and Lewis

Jerry Lewis:
And now...and now ladies and gentlemen, for your extreme listening pleasure, Mr. Dean Martin.

[Dean comes up on stage and sings My Own, My Only, My All]

Dean Martin:
Okay folks, for my next number I'm gonna sing the same song again. I'm gonna keep on singing it, till I get it right.

[sings]

[In the court room]

Lou Perry:
[To Dean] Okay were up next, and remember let me do the talking. And what? You're gonna dress down a little?

Betty Martin:
How much longer can we do this? this is a disgrace, Dean.

Dean Martin:
It's a good thing. Clean and slick.

Betty Martin:
You have two kids and maybe you noticed the third on the way. Going bankrupt is a good thing.

Dean Martin:
Things will turn around.

Betty Martin:
Why don't you come back to Philly. Get a job with my father be a regular person.

Dean Martin:
Betty, I'm not gonna do what you, or what anybody else wants me to do, you understand that?

Betty Martin:
You just don't care, do you?

Jerry Lewis:
We killed them, didn't we?

Dean Martin:
Oh yeah, kid. We killed them all right.

Jerry Lewis:
Didn't you feel it? I felt it. It was like a jolt, like a lightning bolt. I didn't know what was gonna happen next, and I loved it.

Dean Martin:
You never talked to Angelo about the dishes.

Jerry Lewis:
Hey if Angelo was smart, he'd put us together don't you think?

Dean Martin:
I'm a solo act.

Jerry Lewis:
Well me to, but together we could....

Dean Martin:
I mean I go solo.

[While Jerry is testing on an audition to play Al in My Friend Irma]

Hal Wallis:
Well were all friends here, so lets speak frankly. Jerry, your not an actor.

Jerry Lewis:
I can do better.

Director:
I worked with him as much as I could, Hal. We shot nine tests, he just doesn't have it.

Jerry Lewis:
Fellas, I'm here in the room with you.

Hal Wallis:
Jerry, don't take this personally.

Jerry Lewis:
How?

Director:
Jerry, this shows been on the radio for years, it has millions of fans. If someone whose not right plays Al, the audience will kill us.

Jerry Lewis:
What about Dean?

Hal Wallis:
Dean's great. He's very natural, he'll be perfect as Steve.

Director:
Here's what Hal was thinking, were gonna write a part just for you. We'll call him Seymour, a really whacky sidekick to Dean. You can be yourself and have fun, it'll be perfect.

Jerry Lewis:
[angrily] Listen to me, Mr Wallis. Jerry Lewis plays Al, like it says in my contract.

Hal Wallis:
You listen to me, Jerry Lewis. I don't give a damn what it says in you're contract, you're not right for Al, you're not playing Al. That's it, that's all.

Jerry Lewis:
I'm not playing Seymour. I'm playing Al, I can do it.

Hal Wallis:
You don't want to play Seymour, Jerry. I'll tell you what, you sit this picture up. We'll go for Dean to play Steve, we'll get a real actor to play Al, and you, well you can go back to New York.

Jerry Lewis:
You can't do that. Dean and I are partners, were a team. I don't like you, Hal Wallis.

Hal Wallis:
Ahh, now you went and hurt my feelings.

Lou Perry:
Not that I don't love having you stay at my place. Stay as long as you like.

Dean Martin:
You've been good to me, Lou. And a real good friend. I won't forget that.

Lou Perry:
Don't go soft on me, pallie.

Dean Martin:
Okay, pallie.

[During their last act at the Copacabana]

Jerry Lewis:
Who wants a drink next to that. I'm drunk already. All right ladies and gentleman, the Italian street singer is getting old.

Dean Martin:
Ahh, what is this?

Jerry Lewis:
Mr singer man, go get em.

Jerry Lewis:
Hey, who let Jackie Gleason in here?

Dean Martin:
Is Jackie in here? Hey Jackie, how are you?

[Jackie sitting at a front table, smoking a cigar, nods]

Jerry Lewis:
Everybody protect your food.

[opening lines]

Jerry Lewis:
You gotta do better than this for me, Abby.

Abby Greshler:
I'm an agent, Jerry. I'm not the amazing Randi.

Jerry Lewis:
I can kill. I know I can. I don't want anymore strip clubs, very hard to follow nipple tassels.

Abby Greshler:
Well, you gotta start some..look, at least no one threw up on you.

Jerry Lewis:
See to me, that doesn't make it a successful gig.

Abby Greshler:
Yeah, well its hard to sell a record act, Jerry. You're gonna have to actually start talking on stage. Can you MC? I mean, can you talk normal long enough to introduce other acts?

Jerry Lewis:
I can talk good anywhere... Except in front of people.

Abby Greshler:
Your a very funny kid, Jerry. You got a lot of potential. Wanna be an MC along with your act. I think I can book you at the Havana-Madrid, very respectable place.

Jerry Lewis:
People throw up there?

Abby Greshler:
Only in the bathroom.

Jerry Lewis:
That is respectable.

Abby Greshler:
[sarcastically] Goodbye, Jerry.

Jerry Lewis:
Hey, Abby?

Abby Greshler:
What?

Jerry Lewis:
Try stay out of the sun.

Abby Greshler:
Get the hell outta here.

Jerry Lewis:
[to Patti] They'll hate me. Why can't I just get up on stage and be funny and then get famous and then get rich? Or the rich part first. I don't care. Is that too much to ask?

Patti Lewis:
You should do it.

Jerry Lewis:
But I'm scared.

Patti Lewis:
[kisses him on his forehead] Do it anyway.

Jerry Lewis:
[looks around the house] What? And take a chance on losing all this?

Patti Lewis:
Come on, lets eat.

Jeanne Biegger:
I just wish they could see what I see.

Dean Martin:
I want you to stay here, in LA. My band leader has a guest house.

Jeanne Biegger:
What's gonna change?

Dean Martin:
You know how it is. What it is.

Jeanne Biegger:
I do now, although it would have been nice of you to let me know you were married when you first took me out.

Dean Martin:
Don't you read the gossip columns?

Jeanne Biegger:
I wouldn't let you be alone, you know that. Aren't you tired of being alone?

Dean Martin:
Its complicated.

Jeanne Biegger:
No, its simple. You need somebody who's always gonna be there. Who knows the truth and is never gonna lie to you. I'm just like you, Dean. I don't care about anything in this world except what's in front of me, and that's you. You've never been loved that way before, I know it.

Ernie Glucksman:
Dean?

Dean Martin:
Yeah. [noticing the strap on his shoulder] is that Jerry's?

Ernie Glucksman:
Yeah, well he only got the one though. Listen, I'm sorry about what happened back there.

Dean Martin:
Not your fault.

Ernie Glucksman:
How do you put up with it?

Dean Martin:
Hey, it doesn't bother me. I get paid the same whether I'm funny or whether the boy's funny.

Ernie Glucksman:
Yeah, but I mean the stomach aches. I've never seen anyone so desperate for attention. We all think it stinks.

Ernie Glucksman:
Yeah, I'd love to have a drink with you some night or maybe dinner? I'd like to get to know you more so I can tell the writers how to work for you better.

Dean Martin:
Nobody gets to know me better. Not even my wife.

[walks away]

Jerry Lewis:
Don't forget, we got dinner with Dean and Jeanne on Friday.

Patti Lewis:
Speaking of something I don't wanna do.

Jerry Lewis:
Well, get over it, cause were going. We never do anything with them anymore.

Patti Lewis:
I'm still friends with Betty. Do you have any idea how awkward this is?

Jerry Lewis:
I don't care. Dean's my best friend.

Patti Lewis:
Dean is nobody's best friend, Jerry!

Jerry Lewis:
Who stayed with me all night at the hospital, huh? My father? Lew Wasserman? No, Dean did. You don't understand these things.

Patti Lewis:
I understand better then you do. He's not gonna give you what you want. He can't. When are you gonna see that?

Jerry Lewis:
Alright, just stay out of it.

Patti Lewis:
The invitation's never gonna come...

Jerry Lewis:
Alright, that's enough! You will go to dinner with us! Dean is my friend and you will go!

Jeanne Martin:
[reading a newspaper article as Dean sits relaxed watching a western] "For all it's madness, there is method in the Lewis artistry". Oh, and here's the important part, [continues reading] "Mr. Martin is a competent straight man". [throws the newspaper] The Lewis artistry?

Dean Martin:
The boy is talented.

Jeanne Martin:
Why doesn't anybody see that your the spine of the act? Jerry would be nothing without you. I'll tell you one thing, there's not a woman in the world who would watch if you weren't there.

Dean Martin:
[smiles] Yeah, well, how many ten-year old kids would be watching me if Jerry wasn't there?

Jeanne Martin:
I'm glad you think this is funny! How can you let him take over!? He rolls right over you!

Dean Martin:
Hey, do me a favor, don't tell me my business, okay? He wants to be a mogul, he wants to be an artist. What do I care? I'm happy that the way things are.

Jeanne Martin:
No, you’re not!

Dean Martin:
[angrily] Now you’re gonna tell me how I feel too!? Great! Let me know when I'm hungry! Now get something to eat! [sits back down]

Jeanne Martin:
He's holding you back! You could be the next Sinatra!

Dean Martin:
I can't hear the television if you go on talking!

Jeanne Martin:
You know something, Dean? When we met, I told you there was something missing! I finally figured out what it is! You! You're missing there's just no one there!

[last title cards]

Title card:
Jerry Lewis went on to become an enormously successful writer, director, producer and star of his own movies, all of which were box office hits. Every year he hosts the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, for which he has raised over a billion dollars.

Title card:
Dean Martin became a major movie star, and enjoyed a hugely successful recording career. In 1964, his recording of "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" knocked The Beatles out of first place. He had a hit variety show on television which lasted nine years.

Title card:
Dean and Jerry did not see each other again for twenty years, when they were briefly reunited on the 1976 telethon. They rarely saw or spoke to each other after that.

Title card:
Dean Martin died on Christmas Day, 1995.

Lou Perry:
[on the phone to Jerry] Jerry, how are you doin'?

Jerry Lewis:
Not so good, Mr. Perry. I'm here at Atlantic City playing the 500 Club.

Lou Perry:
Oh, good for you.

Jerry Lewis:
Bad for me. Bad, very bad. Uh, I think they might hurt me.

Lou Perry:
C'mon, Jerry. Skinny D'Amato wouldn't hurt a fly.

Jerry Lewis:
What about Irwin Woolfe?

Lou Perry:
Yes, he would probably hurt you.

Jerry Lewis:
Please, Mr. Perry. Remember that night at the Havana-Madrid when I was messin' around with Dean?

Lou Perry:
Yeah sure, that was riot.

Jerry Lewis:
Thank you. I think Dean should come down and play the club, you know. He could sing and then I could do the routine, and then we could make somethin' out of it. You know, a handsome man and a monkey, it's very funny.

Lou Perry:
You uh... you wanna team up with Dean?

Jerry Lewis:
Just this once for this week. I gotta come up with somethin' or their gonna fire me and then maybe kill me. I ain't crazy about dying, but I definitely can't get fired.

Lou Perry:
Well you - you've got your own manager, right? Greshler? Why isn't he making this call?

Jerry Lewis:
Because he can't beg as good as I can. Please, Mr. Perry. I love Dean. I know he likes me too. I need this. I really need this.

Jeanne Biegger:
Have you always been a singer?

Dean Martin:
Sure. Except for the time I was working in a steel mill, and the time I was a boxer, and the time I was a stickman in a casino.

Jeanne Biegger:
All this and Steubenville?

Dean Martin:
They called it Little Chicago.

Dean Martin:
How come I sing less songs than usual?

Hal Wallis:
Jerry wanted to sing in this one.

Dean Martin:
What?

Hal Wallis:
He wanted a song. We gave him a song. No big deal.

Dean Martin:
No, you listen to me. [angrily] Maybe you didn't notice, but I just had a hit record. Now I made offers to do movies without Jerry. MGM, they want me to do Ten Thousand Bedrooms, and you - you wanna - you wanna waste me? Doing crap like this?!

Hal Wallis:
You listen to me. You can do Ten Thousand Bathrooms for MGM for all I care! All I know is you're doing 3 Ring Circus for me. What the hell are you so worried about anyway, huh? People come to see Jerry roll around the floor and you, don't wink and sing. Since when do you care about the script?

Lew Wasserman:
[to Dean and Jerry after hearing about their feud on the set of 3 Ring Circus in Phoenix, Arizona] Let me give you boys the facts of life. This is not a child's game. This is not "I'm taking my ball and going home now". You're not Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis individuals. You are Martin and Lewis. You are a corporation. You are a twenty million dollar a year money making machine! And that machinery can not stop because of some silly dispute or hurt feelings, or simply because you don't like each other anymore! If I stopped working with people I didn't like, I'd be out of business within a week! Now, you have commitments all over town! You're contract with Hal Wallis runs through 1960! You have a deal with NBC for another three years! A deal with Colgate another year! Indeed, gentlemen, you have a contract with us here, with your family at MCA. Promises have been made, and they must be kept. [pause] Either patch up your differences, or hate each other and learn to deal with it. I don't really care. But the Martin and Lewis business goes on!

[at the Copacabana, after Dean and Jerry have performed "Side by Side" as their last hurrah as the audience applause. Jackie Gleason walks onto the stage]

Jackie Gleason:
Folks, folks. We can't let this happen! We can't let these guys split up! Am I right, everyone?! Huh? Am I right?!