Planet Terror

Dr. Dakota Block:
No more dead bodies for Daddy tonight.

Skip:
It's go go, not cry cry.

[repeated line]

El Wray:
I never miss.

[repeated line]

J.T. Hague:
Best in Texas.

[repeated line]

Cherry Darling:
I was going to be a stand-up comedian.

J.T. Hague:
Hey, hey. You want some barbeque? Best in Texas.

Cherry Darling:
Oh, no thanks.

J.T. Hague:
What's the matter? You don't eat meat?

Cherry Darling:
Oh, I eat meat. I also eat lots of sh*t. [grins] See that?

J.T. Hague:
What's that?

Cherry Darling:
Sh*t-eating grin.

J.T. Hague:
[laughs] You ought to be a comedian.

Cherry Darling:
What do you think of the leg?

J.T. Hague:
[laughs] Sure is funny.

Sheriff Hague:
Where the hell are you going?

El Wray:
I'm going to get Cherry.

Sheriff Hague:
Fine, but we're taking my car.

[his car explodes]

Sheriff Hague:
[looking back at Wray] I'm riding with you.

Sheriff Hague:
Try not to shoot yourselves. Don't shoot each other. But especially... don't shoot me.

J.T. Hague:
That boy's got the devil in him.

El Wray:
Did you find what was in the pocket?

Cherry Darling:
F*** no.

El Wray:
Look for it.

[Cherry searches through one pocket]

El Wray:
No, the other one.

[Cherry searches through the other pocket and takes out a box with a ring inside it]

El Wray:
I was gonna give it to you, but you left me. 'Cuz you took the jacket...

Cherry Darling:
[saying it at the same time as El Wray]... and I looked for it for two weeks.

El Wray:
Read it.

Cherry Darling:
Two against the world.

El Wray:
Remember that?

Cherry Darling:
I never forgot it.

[repeated line]

El Wray:
That's my jacket. I looked for it for two weeks.

Sheriff Hague:
Give him the gun. Give him all the guns.

Earl McGraw:
God, dammit! Ramona, you've been fartin' like a goddamned pack mule.

Cherry Darling:
I'm Cherry.

Dr. Dakota Block:
You sure are.

Babysitter Twin #1:
Conio chica, you said 10 pm! We can't be watching your kid all goddamn night!

Babysitter Twin #2:
That's right!

Babysitter Twin #1:
Your friend never showed up, and we've got sh*t to do!

Dr. Dakota Block:
Then start doing it!

[pushes both twins out the front door]

Tony Block:
I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.

Tammy:
Are you okay?

Cherry Darling:
I'm just Cherry!

J.T. Hague:
[after checking out Tammy] Now THAT'S a rump roast.

Sheriff Hague:
I was thinking, we could build a new place right there where the old one was. You cook, I work the back.

J.T. Hague:
You don't make that rent so God-Damn high.

Sheriff Hague:
We share the recipe, we share the rent.

J.T. Hague:
Start at 250 degrees.

Sheriff Hague:
[Pulls a note pad and pen out] I knew it. For how long?

J.T. Hague:
12 pounds?

Sheriff Hague:
Sure.

J.T. Hague:
12 pounds, 12 hours.

Sheriff Hague:
Wrapped in tin foil, right?

J.T. Hague:
I don't use no goddamn foil.

Sheriff Hague:
Damn. Tomatoes? Fresh?

J.T. Hague:
Canned.

Sheriff Hague:
No Sh*t?

J.T. Hague:
Yeah.

Sheriff Hague:
You score me some?

J.T. Hague:
Oh Yeah, cause we're brothers.

Sheriff Hague:
Thank you for this.

J.T. Hague:
You just remember, you got to take this recipe to your grave.

Sheriff Hague:
I think I can... goddamn guarantee that. [Dies]

J.T. Hague:
Heh heh heh heh heh heh! [Blows up the quarantine chamber]

Sheriff Hague:
You cook that meat at 250 degrees don't you?

J.T. Hague:
I don't remember. I set the heat with my hands.

Sheriff Hague:
You give me that recipe or I'll raise your rent higher than a Georgia pine.

J.T. Hague:
Brother, ain't no Texan's ever gonna give you his BBQ recipe, that's a fact! He'll take it to his grave! I could be bleedin' like a stuck pig and I ain't gonna tell ya! I could be dyin' in your arms and I ain't gonna tell ya!

[hangs up phone]

J.T. Hague:
Heh heh heh!

Sheriff Hague:
[to himself] We'll see about that.

Lt. Muldoon:
Where's... the... sh*t?

Abby:
You killed Bin Laden?

Lt. Muldoon:
I put two in his heart, one in his computer.

El Wray:
So that was you.

Lt. Muldoon:
You want the story? I'll spin it for you quick.

Tony Block:
[while playing with toys] I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.

J.T. Hague:
You're the second person to show up tonight.

El Wray:
Who's the first?

J.T. Hague:
[nods to Cherry] Right there. Must be passin' through. Seems only strangers eat here.

El Wray:
[picking up his coffee] I still eat here, J.T.

J.T. Hague:
Oh, yeah, you sure do. By the way, don't choke on all that food you're eatin'.

Dr. Dakota Block:
Goodbye, Bill.

Dr. William Block:
Don't you mean "see you later"?

Dr. Dakota Block:
Of course.

Babysitter Twin #1:
[to Dakota] Where do you think you're going, you f***ing b*tch?

Earl McGraw:
You don't smoke, do you, Wray?

El Wray:
Nope.

Earl McGraw:
That's... probably good.

[El Wray immediately lights up a cigarette after Earl leaves]

Lt. Muldoon:
[Abby's laying on the ground, surrounded by the testicles he's taken as prizes] Looks like I've got you by the balls...

El Wray:
So what are you going to do now?

Cherry Darling:
I'm going to be a stand-up comedian.

El Wray:
You're not funny.

Cherry Darling:
That's what I keep trying to tell everybody but they all say I'm hilarious.

El Wray:
But you're not.

Cherry Darling:
There's a difference between being frank... and being dick.

The Rapist:
I've seen me a lot of weird sh*t in my day, but I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. I seen me a stripper with one breast. And I seen me a stripper with twelve toes. I've even seen me a stripper with no brains at all, but I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. And I've been to Morocco.

Cherry Darling:
Name's Cherry Darling...

El Wray:
Sounds like a stripper name.

Cherry Darling:
No, it sounds like a go-go dancer name. There's a difference.

El Wray:
I like the way you say 'f***'.

Cherry Darling:
Good. F*** you.

El Wray:
Get up. We're leaving.

Cherry Darling:
I can't walk.

El Wray:
So what? Get up!

Cherry Darling:
Motherf***er! Look at me!

[removes blanket to reveal her missing leg]

Cherry Darling:
Look at me! I was gonna be a stand-up comedian! Who's gonna laugh now?

El Wray:
Some of the best jokes are about cripples. Let's go.

Cherry Darling:
It's not funny. I'm pathetic.

El Wray:
Would you stop crying over f***ing spilt milk?

Cherry Darling:
I have no leg!

[looking frustrated, El Wray rips off a wooden table leg and shoves it in Cherry's stump]

El Wray:
Now you do. What do you think?

Cherry Darling:
You could carry me, Wray.

El Wray:
You never wanted that before. Why start now?

Cherry Darling:
[her wooden leg is stuck in the truck door] My leg's stuck. Pull over.

El Wray:
It's just wood.

Cherry Darling:
It's splintering!

El Wray:
Would you just leave it alone?

Cherry Darling:
Why do you have to be so mean?

El Wray:
Just, just do me a favor, alright? Stay strong.

Cherry Darling:
Stay?

El Wray:
Yeah, baby. Stay.

El Wray:
[dying] Go. Leave me.

Cherry Darling:
I am not leaving you here like this. Motherf***ers around here eat road kill.

[El Wray laughs]

Cherry Darling:
See? I'm funny. I made you laugh.

El Wray:
Go to the ocean. Put your backs to it and protect yourselves there.

Cherry Darling:
I'm not leaving you, Wray. Two against the world.

El Wray:
It will be. I promise.

[touches her stomach]

El Wray:
I never miss.

Cherry Darling:
I broke my leg.

El Wray:
That's okay, [pulls her broken wooden leg off] I made you something. [installs the Machine Gun leg] I DO believe in you, always have. I believe you could be better. You deserve better, even better than me. Right now, I need you to become who you were meant to be. Stand!

Dr. Dakota Block:
Hi, Joe. I'm going to give you a very strong anesthetic, so you won't feel anything during the procedure. These...

[pats the needles in her shirt pocket]

Dr. Dakota Block:
...are my friends. My yellow friend is to take the sting off.

[injects Joe in the arm with the yellow needle]

Dr. Dakota Block:
My blue friend you'll barely feel.

[injects Joe in the arm with the blue needle]

Dr. Dakota Block:
That means my yellow friend is already taking effect. See how fast my friends work?

[injects Joe in the arm with the red needle]

Dr. Dakota Block:
And after my red-headed friend, you'll never see me again.

[Joe slobbers over himself and passes out]

Cherry Darling:
[astonished that Dakota has shot The Rapist with a syringe] Where'd you learn to do THAT?

Dr. Dakota Block:
Useless Talent #37.

[Wray and Deputy Tolo drag a wounded and bleeding from the neck Sheriff Hague from the outside]

Sheriff Hague:
I figured that one of my new deputies might end up shooting me... but not you, Tolo!

El Wray:
I need someone to drive my truck.

Sheriff Hague:
I'll do it.

El Wray:
You're bleeding like a stuck pig. Your vision is probably blurred, and you're on your last leg...

Sheriff Hague:
[sarcastic] Anything else?

El Wray:
Don't wreck it.

J.T. Hague:
Grab the slaw! Can't have a barbeque without the slaw!

Babysitter Twin #1:
We need guns!

[J.T. hands both babysitter twins large, pump-action, shotguns]

Babysitter Twin #2:
F***ing cool!

The Rapist:
[muffled under the mask] Do you like Ava Gardner?

Cherry Darling:
Sorry?

The Rapist:
[removes his mask] Ava Gardner, do you like her?

Cherry Darling:
Yeah, I guess...

The Rapist:
I was just thinking that you, uh, kinda look like Ava Gardner a little bit.

[pulls out his pistol]

The Rapist:
You know what this is?

Cherry Darling:
A gun...

The Rapist:
It's simplicity itself: you see, you point it at what you wanta die, and you pull the little trigger here, and a little bullet comes outta here, and the little bullet hits you

[taps her between the eyes]

The Rapist:
right there! And you know what? You don't look like Ava Gardner no more.

Dr. Dakota Block:
Tony, if anyone comes up to the car, I want you to shoot them. Just like in your video games: shoot them in the head.

Tony Block:
What if it's dad?

Dr. Dakota Block:
Especially if it's your dad!

Tony Block:
[puts a hand to his mouth and holds up a tooth] Hey mom, another tooth fell out! [Dakota stares at Tony]

Tony Block:
Your tooth fell out too... [Dakota examines her smile in the rear view and sees she has a chipped tooth]

Tony Block:
...we're toothless buddies.

Dr. Dakota Block:
We sure are, sweetie...

Cherry Darling:
You're a doctor?

Dr. Dakota Block:
Hmm. I was earlier tonight.

Cherry Darling:
I always wanted to be a doctor, instead, I can do this.

[Cherry arches her body up in a bridge position]

Cherry Darling:
Useless talent number 66. I'm very pliable.

Dr. Dakota Block:
You know, my girlfriend had a theory. She said at some point in your life, you find a use for every useless talent you ever had. It's like connecting the dots.

Cherry Darling:
I'm not that optimistic. I feel like I'm sinking down a drain and I can't get out.

Dr. Dakota Block:
She'd say, "when you're stuck in that spiral, you reach up".

Cherry Darling:
What if there's nothing up there?

Dr. Dakota Block:
Just reach up.

Cherry Darling:
[after seeing Abby get his head blown off] I don't suppose anyone else here is a bio-chemical engineer?

El Wray:
[no one replies] I'll take that as a "no."

Earl McGraw:
[after shooting Doc Block] Never did like that son of a b*tch. About as useless as a pecker on a pope.

Cherry Darling:
Look, you were being an unbelievable dick. I was walking out on you. I was cold, I took your f***ing jacket. So, if you're go on one of your psycho, obsessive, controlling rants about a f***ing jacket, then f***ing take it 'cause I'd rather f***ing freeze than f***ing hear about it one more time!

The Rapist:
You're a dancer?

Cherry Darling:
I was earlier tonight.

The Rapist:
[grabs Cherry by her hair] Well, I'm pulling you out of retirement!

[watching Cherry and Dakota on a TV monitor]

The Rapist:
I'm gettin' my dick wet.

Rapist #2:
She's only got one leg.

The Rapist:
Easier access.

Rapist #2:
Oh... that is a good point.

Sheriff Hague:
Now you've got a gal in your wrecked truck with a missing leg? A missing leg that's now missing?

[repeated line]

Sheriff Hague:
[to Deputy Tolo] Dumbass!

[first lines]

Skip:
Real pretty tonight, Holly. [two girls are kissing] Goddammit, girls - if you're gonna do that sh*t, do it onstage! [walks away] Smokin' hot. Whew!

[last lines]

Cherry Darling:
It's beautiful. *She's* beautiful. I wish you could see us, us two. It's like you said it would be. Two against the world, baby. Two against the world.

[Dr. Block joins Dr. Felix as they look on at several infected people in the hospital ER... all of them slowly turning into 'Sickos']

Dr. Felix:
Viral infections. They came pouring in. Some are rapidly developing coliform leisions... highly contagious. What do you think?

Dr. William Block:
Self preservation comes to mind.

The Rapist:
[after Cherry breaks her leg in his eye] I bet you thought that was pretty funny? You gave me some wood, now I'm gonna give you...

[pulls down pants]

The Rapist:
...some f***ing wood!

[Cherry, Dakota, and even the second rapist look with shock and disgust as the rapist's genetilia begins melting off!]

Rapist #2:
Gas! You need gas! Put your mask back on!

The Rapist:
No, no, f*** the gas. I'm just gonna have to make this quick!

Romy:
[nervous tone] Uh... hi Abby. How's it going?

Abby:
[notices an empty cage nearby with bent-out bars] I see you've run into a spot of trouble while I was away. You mind telling me what happened?

Romy:
[continues to stammer] Uh... I don't know. They just... escaped.

Abby:
All three?

Romy:
Uh... yeah. I... don't know how they did it. I just went left for a little while and when I came back... it... well...

Abby:
I'm sorry, Romy. I just don't trust you anymore. You are the most incompetent employee I've ever employed. You know the penalty for failure. You enforce the rules yourself.

Romy:
[more nervous] All right... Abby you win. I'm out. I'm finished. You'll never see me again. I'll get my things and get out of here.

Abby:
Not so fast!

[one of Abby's men brings over a large jug of formaldehyde with various circle-shaped objects in it]

Abby:
I also want your balls for my collection!

[Abby tosses Romy a large knife; Romy hesitates]

Abby:
It would be easier if you do it yourself. Just drop your pants, chop them off, and give them to me. Then... I might consider letting you live.

Romy:
[on the verge of tears] Uh... Abby... I'm really attached to them.

Abby:
[sarcastic] Oh, sweetheart I was really attached to my specimens. And now, thanks to you and your incompetence, they're out there in the night doing God knows what.