Satan's Little Helper

Merrill Whooly:
[on cell-phone handset] Betty! No, I'm in the car. I'm going to pick up Jenna at the ferry. She came home to spend Halloween with her brother. Is that true love or what?

Douglas "Dougie" Whooly:
Jenna's my girlfriend. I'm going to marry her.

Merrill Whooly:
He says he's going to marry her. I don't think they got up to the word "incest" in the third grade, yet.

Douglas "Dougie" Whooly:
You said "sex"!

Merrill Whooly:
[to Dougie] I said "incest," and don't be so stupid - play your game!

Merrill Whooly:
[on cell-phone handset] That's why I was calling you: I *do* have a costume! I'm putting together this Carmen-Miranda-and-Chiquita-Banana-type thing. It came to me in a dream. Actually, I *was* stoned.

[covers her mouth after realizing that her young son is in the car with her]

Douglas "Dougie" Whooly:
[shouting] Just let him go back to hell!

Jenna Whooly:
[overlapping] Shhh! Shhh!

Jenna Whooly:
He killed Daddy... His ass is *f***ing grass*!

Mrs. Sylvia Tishbaum:
Where did you get that coat? Looks like you robbed it from a Hasid!

Jenna Whooly:
Okay. Who was he and what did he look like?

Douglas "Dougie" Whooly:
You know - Jesus. He's wearing a costume, but I know he was real 'cause he had real blood.

[long pause as Jenna takes this in]

Jenna Whooly:
Was he bleeding from his hand?

[Dougie nods]

Jenna Whooly:
When you were trick-or-treating, did Satan kill Alex's father?

Douglas "Dougie" Whooly:
When we were trick-or-treating, he threw a guy out of a window.

Jenna Whooly:
Was it a big, brick house?

[Dougie nods]

Jenna Whooly:
That man was Alex's father... And Jesus is Satan!

[first lines]

Douglas "Dougie" Whooly:
[off-camera] Ten points. Fifty points. Bonus points! A hundred points! Mom, he's ripping his guts out!

[last lines]

Jenna Whooly:
[voice-over] Mom... Why doesn't he say something?

Douglas "Dougie" Whooly:
[voice-over] He's afraid Satan will hear him.