TMNT

Raphael:
Hey, Leo's back. Better go say 'Hello' before he leaves again.

Raphael:
Y'know, the thing about you immortal stone guys, is you're immortal... And made of stone. I sound like Mikey!

Raphael:
[last lines of the film, narrating] We live together, we train together, we fight together, we stand for good together. We are ninjas. We strike hard, defend, protect, and fade into the night. And there ain't no bad guy or monster ever gonna change that, that's what's important, and that's why we'll always be... brothers. Oh, I love bein' a turtle!

Raphael:
[to Leo] Okay, Jungle Boy, grab a vine.

Raphael:
(to criminal) I'm not gonna hurt ya... much.

Michelangelo:
Hey, I've been training - Since you left, my video game scores have, like, doubled.

Michelangelo:
Why skate a half pipe, when you can skate a sewer pipe?!

Michelangelo:
[Big entrance into Lair] HERE'S MIKEY! [Pause]...Guys? Anyone? Hello? Aw, this place used to be fun...

Michelangelo:
So it's like Halley's Comet only... monsters come out.

Michelangelo:
[fighting monster, gets backed up next to a pit full of spikes] This is why we need jetpacks...

Michelangelo:
[While skateboarding] Hehe, I'm smart. [Crashes] I'm Okay.

Michelangelo:
Okay... did we win now?

Michelangelo:
Happy birthday from Cowabunga Carl!

Michelangelo:
The turtles are back dudes, I give us a ten for style, an eight for skill and- ah... a two for stealth. [Looking at a destroyed construction site that the turtles fought on]

Michelangelo:
'Jungle Boy' he-he, good one!

Leonardo:
Come to Daddy. [After strapping the entirety of a display of ancient swords to his back]

Leonardo:
[Arguing with Raphael] Look, Raph, if there's something you wanna get off your shell, now's the time but I'm not gonna stand here and debate Splinter's direct orders with you!

Leonardo:
I mean, come on! What were you thinking?!

Casey Jones:
And I thought girl scouts were pushy! [Holding a door closed while one of the Generals tries to push through on the other side.]

Casey Jones:
Two minutes for high sticking!

Casey Jones:
Warn me next time! I got allergies! [After inhaling smoke pellets.]

Max Winters:
I must've hit my head pretty hard. I'm seeing giant turtles.

Splinter:
[After kicking a monster back into the portal] I still got it!

Splinter:
If anyone needs me, I'll be watching my stories. Cody is going to break up with Donna. I just know it.

April O'Neil:
Casey, I'm standing on the docks with a priceless statue and no delivery truck. So my question is: Where are you?

Casey Jones:
April! Hey, babe! I'm so sorry, I set the alarm but...

[Casey quickly looks around, and picks up the alarm clock and starts bashing it on the coffee table.]

Casey Jones:
It-it's broken.

Raphael:
Spoken like a true has-been.

Donatello:
Well, look who woke up. I suppose you think Nightwatcher is some kind of hero.

Raphael:
Beats sitting around doing nothing while dirtbags run free.

Casey Jones:
You think you own these rooftops? I happen to think you could use my help. And I could use a sidekick. You may have everyone else fooled, but you haven't fooled me, Raph.

Nightwatcher:
Yeah, well, guess what... Hey, wait a minute...

[Nightwatcher removes his helmet, revealing Raphael in the costume.]

Raphael:
How'd you know it was me?

Casey Jones:
It wasn't that hard, man. You look like a big, metal turtle.

Raphael:
It's that obvious, huh?

Michelangelo:
Yeah. It looked like your mom, dude! ("referring to the monster")

Donatello:
Yeah. That would make her your mom too, doofus.

Michelangelo:
Leo! Is that really you? I'm dreaming, aren't I?

[Gives him a big hug.]

Leonardo:
No, Mikey. You're not dreaming.

Michelangelo:
Good. I had nightmares about birthday parties.

Michelangelo:
I heard his [Nightwatcher's] bike, turns into a plane, or like, a jet pack. Don, you're so smart, how come we don't have jet packs?

Donatello:
Yeah, that's good Mikey, except I don't even trust you with a driver's license. Have you seen the way this guy drives--

[Donatello is interrupted by a roar coming from a construction site.]

Leonardo:
Alright, but remember, we're up here for training.

Michelangelo:
Y'know what I always say: Train by doing, dude.

Donatello:
Mikey, when have you "ever" said that?

Michelangelo:
This is why we need jetpacks.

Donatello:
(panicking) Okay, any more bright ideas?

Michelangelo:
How 'bout this?

(Look at each other. Pause. Both scream in terror while Mikey jumps into Donnie's arms Scooby-Doo style)

Donatello:
[Examining the dart] Hmmm... If you ask me, you guys, this has Winters' name written all over it.

Leonardo:
How do you figure that, Donny?

Casey and Michelangelo:
Yeah.

Donatello:
Because this has Winters' name written all over it.

Raphael:
Now I know who to thank for the shot in the arm. [Sits down] So, where do we find this guy and his stone jokers?

Leonardo:
We're not going anywhere until we get Splinter's blessing.

Raphael:
[Angrily stands up] You're gonna stand here and quote a rule book to me that you ain't been following a year?!

Leonardo:
Look, Raph, if you got something you want to get off you're shell, now's the time. But I'm not gonna stand here and debate Splinter's direct orders with you!

Raphael:
[Pause; softly yet stern] Fine, then. I quit!

Leonardo:
[after knocking off the Nightwatcher's helmet off] Good night, dark prince. [sees that the Nightwatcher is Raph; confused] Raph?! [shocked and lost for words] What?!

Raphael:
[mule-kicks Leo; finally releasing his pent-up anger] You are so smug, you know that? You think that the world revolves around you, don't you? That we couldn't possibly survive without the mighty and powerful Leonardo to guide us through our problems, huh?! Well, I've got a news flash for you: We got along just fine without you!

Leonardo:
Oh, and this qualifies as "just fine"? Dressing up like it's Halloween every night? Risking the safety of our family? I mean, come on, what were you thinking?!

Raphael:
Don't push it, Leo. You can't leave home and come back expecting us to fall in line again like your little soldiers.

Leonardo:
Hey, I was training. Training to be a better leader! For you! Why do you hate me for that?!

Raphael:
AND WHOEVER SAID I WANTED TO BE LED?! I'm better off calling my own shots now! Get used to it!

Leonardo:
You aren't ready! You're impatient, and hot tempered, and more importantly... I'm better than you. [Raphael laughs sarcastically]

Raphael:
Oh, you know something, big brother? [He takes out his sais.] I’d have to disagree with you on that one.

[Raphael makes a "bring it on" motion with his sai.]

Leonardo:
Don't do this, Raph.

Raphael:
I'm done taking orders.

Donatello:
That would be the swirling vortex to another world, I assume.

Michelangelo:
Cool. I want one.

[Raphael hands Leonardo new katana blades to replace the broken ones.]

Raphael:
You're going to need these if you're going to lead us out of here.

Leonardo:
I'm going to need you, too.

[The stone Generals have just thrown Winters across the lobby of the Winterscorp building.]

April O'Neil:
Winters.

Michelangelo:
Looks more like fall, get it?

Donatello:
Mikey, remember our talk.

General Aguila:
You fight well. You should join us.

Raphael:
No thanks. I'm good.

Leonardo:
They better hurry with that last monster!

Raphael:
I’m sure my man Casey's got it all under control!

Leonardo:
That's what I'm afraid of.

while April is driving

Casey:
Can't this piece of junk go any faster?!

April:
You wanna drive?!

Casey:
I would as a matter of fact!

Karai:
You would think they would be more concerned about the thirteenth monster.

[Foot Ninja silently nods in agreement.]

[Winters has just vaporised, due to the curse being broken. Golden particles fall to the floor.]

Michelangelo:
Okay, just a little bit creepy. ACHOO! Oh, gross! I think he's in my no- my no-CHOO! Aw, gross. Somebody give me a hankie! [Michelangelo makes gagging noises.] Now he's in my mouth. [More gagging noises.] Tastes awful!

Village Boy:
I saw the ghost there (pointing to a tree)

April O'Neil:
Thank you. You'd better go home now.

Village Boy:
Do you know the Ghost?

April O'Neil:
(looks back smiling) He wasn't always a ghost.

Reporter:
And with rocketing interest rates, that's bad news for homeowners as the real estate market continues its downward spiral. Coming up, The vigilante known as Nightwatcher strikes again.

Man:
Oh, now, I can't say for sure, but he was definitely an alien.

Woman:
I think it's a disgrace, taking the law into your own hands like that. Leave it to the police.

Michelangelo:
[about the police] I remember how that used to feel, busting up crime syndicates. Sure, they had a bunch of guns, but they weren't like these guns. [flexes his muscles]

Donatello:
Why do you do this to yourself, Mikey? Those glory days are over. Forget about 'em. Get on with your life. Concentrate on your work.

Raphael:
[waking up] Yeah, yeah. Spoken like a true has-been.

Donnie:
Well, look who woke up. I suppose you think Nightwatcher is some kind of hero.

Raph:
Beats sitting around doing nothin' while dirtbags run free.

Donnie:
I would love to know what it is that you do that's so great. At least, we're contributing around here. All you do is sleep all day.

Raph:
Yeah, I do nothing. You're right. You got me all figured out.

Donnie:
Well, I know that your rogue attitude has always been a source of contention to this team. You think fear is the best way to accomplish things, but you're wrong.

Raph:
First of all, this "team" you speak of doesn't exist anymore. And second of all– [almost punches Donatello]

Splinter:
Raphael. [appears] Enough.

Raph:
I think I made my point.

Donnie:
That doesn't prove anything. [Raph goes back to sleep] Why couldn't you send him away for training?

Splinter:
Donatello, this home has become like an empty shell. Each of your brothers has strengths and weaknesses. You must learn to be strong when they are weak. If you don't learn to recognize this, then all hope is lost for our family.

Apri:
Where are you, Casey? [speed dials Casey] Come on. Come on, pick up. [annoyed] Don't do this to me again, not now.

Casey Jones:
[on answering machine] Casey can't come to the phone right now, because...we're hardly working. [picks up phone] Uhh. This better be good.

April:
Casey, I'm standing on the docks with a priceless statue and no delivery truck, so my question is where are you?

Casey:
April! Hey, babe! I'm so sorry, I set the alarm, but-- But-- [quickly looks around, and picks up the alarm clock and puts it on the floor and crushes it as the alarm beeps] It-it's broken, the clock. [bashes it on the coffee table, which causes the batteries to fly out, finally stopping it.]

April:
It's bad enough that you're out every night playing vigilante, but we've got a deadline to meet.

Casey:
I'm sorry. Oh, wait, babe, real quick. You left a message saying you found Leo. I mean, is he there with you?

April:
No. I found him. He's not coming back.

Casey:
But-- But didn't you tell him how weird things have gotten with the Turtles?

April:
Look, Casey, we're gonna lose the biggest client we have if you don't get down here.

Casey:
All right. I'm on my way.

Thief:
[exiting store, pointing gun at store clerks] And you keep 'em up, got that? And don't let me catch you callin' the cops. [gets yanked up by Nightwatcher] What? Not again. [gets thrown at the wall by Nightwatcher]

Nightwatcher:
Didn't I take care of you last week?

Thief:
[worried] Hey. No, n-no. Come on, now.

Nightwatcher:
[picks up thief] I'm very disappointed in you, knucklehead. Guess night school's in session.

Casey:
[whistles] Hope I'm not disturbing class. Hey, Nightwatcher. Need any teaching assistance?

Raphael/Nightwatcher:
[to himself] Oh, no. Casey. [clears throat] I got this one covered, pal. [backhands thief] Thanks, but no, thanks.

Casey:
You think you own these rooftops? I happen to think you could use my help. [Raph summons his ball and chain] And I could use a sidekick. You may have everyone else fooled, but you haven't fooled me, Raph.

Raphael/Nightwatcher:
[takes Casey's bat with the ball and chain] Yeah, well, guess what, pal - now… Hey, wait a minute. [groans] How'd you know it was me?

Casey:
It wasn't that hard, man. You look like a big, metal turtle.

Raphael:
[removes his helmet] Uh. It's that obvious, huh?

Thief:
[trying to run away] I should've stayed in law school.

Casey:
Aww, ain't that cute? He's trying to get away. [looks at Raphael who smiles at Casey Jones] Well, looks like I got a sidekick.

Raphael:
Yeah, right. You're the sidekick.

Raph:
Well... [yawns] I'm going to bed. Hey, Leo's back. [pushes book off of Don's face] Better go say "hello" before he leaves again.

Donnie:
What? [happily] Leo!

Leo:
[happily] Hey!

Donnie:
[he and Leonardo hug] Hey!

Mikey:
[sees Leo, surprised] Huh, Leo? [falls over; happily] Is that really you?

Leo:
Yeah.

Mikey:
[gives Leonardo a hug.] I'm, like, dreaming, aren't I?

Leo:
No, Mikey. You're not dreaming.

Mikey:
Oh, good. I have nightmares about birthday parties. [hugs Leo tightly]

[scene fades to the Turtles on top of a building]

Raph:
Okay, Leo, I'll bite. What are we doin' up here?

Leo:
I told Splinter I'd get this team in shape again.

Mikey:
Hey, I've been training. Since you left, my video game scores have, like, doubled.

Leo:
Right. And while you've been playing games, little brother, this Nightwatcher character's come into the neighborhood like some kind of vigilante showboat. But his days are done.

Raph:
Hey, you went AWOL, Leo, and the Nightwatcher was the only guy to pick up the slack. Crime never took a break, you did.

Mikey:
[about the Nightwatcher] I heard his bike, turns into a plane, or like, a jetpack. Hey, Don, you're so smart. Why don't we have jetpacks?

Donnie:
Yeah, that's good, Mikey. I don't even trust you with a driver's license. Have you seen the way this guy behaves?

[the Turtles are interrupted by a roar coming from a construction site]

Mikey:
Whoa. [he and the Turtles run to see the construction site] Ho-ho, someone's cranky!

[monster roars in the construction site]

Raph:
Okay, Jungle Boy, grab a vine.

Leo:
Raph, wait! Splinter told us not to fight!

Mikey:
[chuckles] "Jungle Boy." Good one.

Leo:
[groans in annoyance] Alright, but remember, we're up here for training.

Mikey:
Y'know what I always say, "Train by doin', dude."

Donnie:
Mikey, when have you ever said that?

Mikey:
This is why we need jetpacks.

Donnie:
[worried] Okay, any more bright ideas?

Mikey:
How 'bout this? [he and Donnie look at each other, and they both scream in terror while Mikey jumps into Donnie's arms, Scooby-Doo style; piece of scaffolding falls on top of the Turtles]

Donnie:
When this is over, I'm totally calling the architect.

Mikey:
Dudes, did anyone get the license plate of that thing that hit us last night? Oy, my head.

Donnie:
Okay, th-that was just weird. First the Foot, then the hideous monster--

Mikey:
Yeah. It looked like your mom, dude! [laughs]

Donnie:
Yeah. That would make her your mom too, doofus.

Mikey:
[stops laughing] Yeah, whatever.

Raph:
Keep laughin', Mikey. Last night was an embarrassment!

Leo:
I'll tell you what's embarrassing: You can't even follow a single order.

Raph:
[sarcastically] Oh-ho-ho-ho. How cute. [seriously] You've been back for 5 minutes, and now you're schoolin' us on your master plan.

Leo:
Oh, oh. Okay, so this is my fault now, huh, Raph? I'm the only one that has to be responsible?!

Raph:
Hey, you're the trained master, not me.

Mikey:
[whispering] Dudes, can it. Here comes Splinter.

Splinter:
[walks into the kitchen singing in Japanese] Ooh, good morning, my sons.

Leo, Donnie and Mikey:
[simultaneously] Good morning, sensai.

Raph:
'Sup?

Splinter:
[continues singing in Japanese] Every Ninja's day should start with a healthy breakfast. It fills me with pride to see you boys together again. If anyone needs me, I'll be watching my stories.

Leo:
[to Raph] Hothead.

Raph:
[to Leo] Splinter, Jr.

Splinter:
Cody is going to break up with Donna. I just know it.

Announcer:
We interrupt The Gilmore Girls for this special news report.

News Reporter:
Monsters loose in the city? Strange reports are coming in tonight about a construction site incident that sounds like something out of science fiction.

Splinter:
(What?) [angrily] Boys! [cut to the Turtles kneeling in front of Splinter] Leonardo, I am most disappointed in you. You are the eldest of your brothers. I was counting on you to bring order to the chaos of this family. This is why I have forbidden any surface activity. We cannot return to the surface to fight evil if we continue to fight each other.

Leo:
But, Master Splinter, how can I be expected to do so when Raph–?

Splinter:
[interrupts Leo] There are no excuses when you are the leader, my student.

[Leo sighs in defeat]

Raph:
We have to go out, and find who's responsible for this. There ain't no other solution.

Leo:
Save the brute vigilante junk for that Night Watchman.

Mikey:
[annoyed] Ugh.

Mikey and Raph:
Nightwatcher.

Leo:
Yeah, whatever.

Raph:
I'm goin' out.

April:
[happily] Leo, you came back!

Casey:
[happily] Leo!

Leo:
Sorry the reunion isn't under better circumstances.

Mikey:
[seeing April and Casey's apartment complex] Whoa-ho-ho. Nice pad, kids. [to Raphael] Oh. Hey, Raph.

Donnie:
[taking Raphael's pulse] Well, his vital signs seem to be okay. [opens Raphael's eye] Pupil dilation is normal. [shocked] Whoa! [sees stone star on Raphael's shell]

Leo and Mikey:
[stunned] Whoa.

Donnie:
[pulls stone star out of Raphael's shell] Some sort of stone. Probably obsidian, I think.

Leo:
Well, is he gonna be all right?

Raph:
[waking up; to Leonardo] You're still here? Go back to your jungle.

Leo:
Well, at least his personality's still intact.

Donnie:
And there's an engraving on it. Looks South American. That's your department, April.

Casey:
[holding a sleeping dart] Would it help things if I told you that those statues you collected for that Winters guy were shooting these things at me and Raph?

April:
"The Legend of Yaotl." It can't be. I-I-It was just a myth. A-a scary story the locals told kids around a campfire.

Leo:
Whoa. What are you talking about?

April:
They say 3,000 years ago, some great warrior actually found a portal to another dimension. [camera fades to Yaotl] And when the portal opened, the energy from it gave the warrior eternal life. But it also turned his generals to stone. What if this warrior just kept living forever? He would spend the rest of his days in regret, spending all of his riches and all of his power, trying to find a way to revive his stone generals. Maybe, just maybe, he's built a new empire. [camera pans to Winters' face, and he opens his eyes; fade back to April's apartment] But hey, like I said, it's just a myth.

Donnie:
[examining the dart] Hmmm. If you ask me, you guys, this has Winters' name written all over it.

Leo:
How do you figure that, Donnie?

Casey and Mikey:
Yeah.

Donnie:
[smiling] Because this has Winters' name written all over it.

Raph:
Now I know who to thank for the shot in the arm. [sits down] So, where do we find this guy and his stone jokers?

Leo:
We're not going anywhere until we get Splinter's blessing.

Raph:
[angrily stands up] You're gonna stand here and quote a rule book to me that you ain't been following a year?!

Leo:
Look, Raph, if you got something you want to get off your shell, now's the time. But I'm not gonna stand here and debate Splinter's direct orders with you!

Raph:
[pause; softly yet stern] Fine, then. I quit.

Casey:
Hey, Raph. Don't do it, man. Sometimes just taking a breather is the best thing to do.

Raph:
Whatever.

Raph:
[hands Leo new katana blades to replace the broken ones] You're going to need these if you're going to lead us out of here.

Leo:
I'm going to need you, too.

[Winters screams as the stone Generals throw him across the lobby of the Winterscorp building.]

April:
Winters.

Mikey:
Looks more like fall, get it?

Donnie:
Mikey, remember our talk.

Leo:
They better hurry up with the last monster!

Raph:
I'm sure my man Casey's got it all under control!

Leo:
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

[scene switches to April driving the Cowabunga Carl truck]

Casey:
Can't this piece of junk go any faster?

April:
You wanna drive?

Casey:
I would, as a matter of fact!

Karai:
You would think they would be more concerned about the 13th monster. [Foot Ninja silently nods in agreement.]

Raph:
Look at you, ain't you cute? You want a butt kickin' little fella? Yes, you do. You do? Come on, I'm gonna drop kick you to hurty town. Come on, little buddy.

[Monster attacks Raph]

Big City Rock:
Whoa, Black Betty, Ram-a-lam, yeah, Black Betty, ram-a-lam

Raph:
Get off me, ya little monster.

Big City Rock:
Ram-a-lam, she's always ready, ram-a-lam, she's so rocksteady, ram-a-lam, whoa, Black Betty, ram-a-lam, whoa, Black Betty, ram-a-lam

Raph:
You're scratching the helmet!

Raph:
OK, that was different.

Raph:
[to the monster] Hey, this thing ain't RUSTPROOF! Get off of me!

Big City Rock:
Whoa, Black Betty, ram-a-lam, yeah, Black Betty, ram-a-lam, she really gets me high...

[Song stops]

Big City Rock:
Ram-a-lam, she's so rocksteady

Raph:
Come on!

Big City Rock:
...yea, Black Betty, ram-a-lam

[whacks monster with cooking pot]

Raph:
How about a snack little fella?

[Monster comes to attack]

Raph:
Catch!

[Monster smashes through dining room window]

Donatello:
No, I'm not playing hard to get, I'm telling you sir, this is not that kind of phone line!

Donatello:
Did you turn it on? Did you plug it in? Yeah, that would help.