Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Brad Keselowski:
What's going on?

Joey Logano:
[points at the Sharknado] That.

Brad Keselowski:
Oh, hell, no!

Claudia Shepard:
[while shooting sharks] So what do you do for hobbies? What do you like to read?

Billy:
[also shooting sharks] Sci-fi!

Billy:
[shooting sharks] How are you so good at this?

Claudia Shepard:
[also shooting sharks] I'm a Shepard!

Fin Shepard:
I'm sorry, Dad.

Gilbert Grayson Shepard:
Sorry? We're not dead yet.

Nova Clarke:
[shoots a hammerhead shark] .75 caliber mascara.

Fin Shepard:
Thought your policy was to save the sharks.

President Marcus Robbins:
Nobody attacks my house. This time, it's personal.

Gilbert Grayson Shepard:
Sharks... in... space.

Fin Shepard:
How can they survive in space?

April Shepard:
How can they survive in a tornado?

[first lines]

Agent Devoreaux:
Mr. Shepard, the President needs you right now!

Fin Shepard:
I didn't think I was gonna make it.

May Wexler:
Careful. Slow down. You got a little one in there.

April Shepard:
I've done this many times before. Heh.

May Wexler:
Oh, well. You had two hands then.

April Shepard:
Really? Are you gonna go there?

May Wexler:
I'm just saying it's okay to ask for a little help. Besides, your husband should be here. And where is he? Oh, he's probably getting eaten by another shark.

Fin Shepard:
Madam Vice President, this is my brother-in-law Martin.

Martin Brody:
I'm the good looking one.

Vice President Sonia Buck:
Yeah. Now you know how I feel.

Martin Brody:
I like her.

Fin Shepard:
Come, come on! Give me a gun! I can help!

Lead Agent Vodel:
Only the Secret Service can have a gun this close to the President.

Fin Shepard:
[shows his Medal of Freedom] What? This doesn't buy me any trust?

Lead Agent Vodel:
Mr. Shepard, this is literally one of the most secure areas on the face of the earth.

[opens the door and the shark eats him]

Nova Clarke:
I have some connections over at the N.W.S. What we've done, what we do, what we can do, it's polarizing. You know, we're still getting craps bombs into the tornado, but the collateral damage that the tornadoes made themselves was worse than anything the bombs could have done. But at the end of the day, the crazy chick with the post-traumatic shark disorder, my abnormally genius best friend, and the man with the chainsaw, no one else can get the job done like we can.

Fin Shepard:
Boy, have you changed.

Claudia Sheperd:
Have you ever met someone who survived a sharknado?

Chad:
No, but my boy survived an alligator apocalypse. How 'bout that? Alligator.

Claudia Sheperd:
Oh, my God.

Jess:
He's kinda cute.

Fin Shepard:
You're never gonna believe who's giving me a ride.

April Shepard:
Let me guess. Nova.

Fin Shepard:
Yeah, I'm with Nova. How do you know that?

April Shepard:
Who else would give you ride in the middle of a sharknado?

Nova Clarke:
Wifey sense. Hi, April! Still not a stripper!

Sergeant Roberta Warren:
I really hate sharks.

Nova Clarke:
Yeah. You and me both.

Lucas Stevens:
Could be worse. Could be zombies.

Lucas Stevens:
One of my computer-modeled scenarios was a large low-pressure cell with multiple sharknadoes. If enough of them merge, the whole storm will start to rotate.

Nova Clarke:
Merging sharknadoes?

Lucas Stevens:
Sharkicane.

General Gottleib:
Can there be such a thing?

Lucas Stevens:
I could be wrong. Bio meteorology is not really an exact science yet.

Nova Clarke:
I can fly.

Lucas Stevens:
She can do anything.

Nova Clarke:
I got over 100 hours in a T-38, plus demo flights in an F-14, F-15, and F-22. Well, what do think I've been doing since L.A.? Semper Paratus, right? The world is ending, Fin. You need to be prepared.

Fin Shepard:
You don't believe that. It's not ending.

Nova Clarke:
Uh, yeah, I do. The signs all around us. Just because it's raining sharks and not frogs doesn't mean it's not coming to an end.

Fin Shepard:
Well, I'm not gonna buy into some doomsday scenario, not when my family needs me.

Nova Clarke:
I'm going to kill all of 'em, every last one of 'em.

Fin Shepard:
Tried that three times. Didn't seem to work.

Fin Shepard:
It's not space I'm worried about. It's the sharks.

Sergeant:
Maybe the sharks can help with the aliens.

Fin Shepard:
Aliens?

Reporter:
What's your opinion of the shark storms, Madam Vice President?

Vice President Sonia Buck:
I feel for the sharks, but they're wrecking our schools, our hospitals, our roads.