The 49th Annual Academy Awards

Himself - Co-host:
I'm here to explain why black people will never be nominated for anything. This show is going out to 75 million people - none of them black. We don't even know how to vote. There's 3,349 people in the voting thing and only two black people, Sidney Poitier and Harry Belafonte. We're quitting. You'll have to listen to Lawrence Welk.

Himself - Presenter:
Best Live Action Short: I would like to take this opportunity to point out that God made me in his own image.

Himself - Presenter:
Chevy Chase: [After being handed an envelope by the giant mechanical arm from King Kong] "Ladies and Gentlemen, Ernest Borgnine..."