The Dentist

Dentist:
That kid's so dumb he doesn't even know what time it is.

Charley Frobisher:
By the way, what time is it?

Dentist:
I don't know.

Dentist:
Now, have you ever had this tooth pulled, before?

Dentist:
Get those teeth out of there, they're in my lie.

Daughter:
[after her father has patted her on the derriere as she looks into the ice box] Fifty pounds and chop it fine.

Dentist:
[reading from a newpaper] "Mrs. Unclebeck..." [looking up when her words have sunken in] What do you mean, "Fifty pounds and chop it fine"?

Daughter:
Oh, I thought you were Arthur.

Dentist:
Who's Arthur?

Daughter:
He's the man I intend to marry.

Dentist:
Oh, well, don't tell me anything about it - I'm only your father. I can read about it in the newspapers. What does he do for a living?

Daughter:
Well, he's the iceman.

Dentist:
[shocked] An iceman?

Daughter:
Yeah, he goes to college. He's a Cornell man.

Arthur the iceman:
[voice from outside] Iceman!

Daughter:
Red Grange was an iceman.

Dentist:
He's still an iceman as far as I'm concerned!

Patient:
[nervously] You won't hurt my leg, will you? My doctor says I have a very bad leg.

Dentist:
[looking at her shapely leg] Your doctor is off his nut! I don't believe in doctors anyway. There's a doctor lives right down the street here. Treated a man for yellow juandice for nine years and then found out he was a Jap.

Dentist:
Shall I use gas?

Patient:
[nervously] Well, gas or electric light. I'd feel nervous to have you fool around me in the dark!

Dentist:
Where's the newspaper?

Daughter:
You're sitting on it.

Dentist:
Where are my golf clubs? [trips]

Daughter:
You just tripped over them.

Daughter:
Where's the ice?

Dentist:
In the icebox.

Daughter:
There's just a little piece in here. Now I'll have to call Arthur and have him bring more.

Dentist:
You don't have him come over here anymore, I'm switching to Frigid Air.

Dentist:
Where's my cap?

Daughter:
You never wear them.

Dentist:
Open the door!

Daughter:
I can't. You locked me in.

Dentist:
Well where's the key?

Daughter:
In your pocket.

Daughter:
You weren't reeeaally gonna buy a Frigidaire, were you, Daddy?

Dentist:
[turning in a huff and addressing Arthur the ice-delivery boy in an irritable gruff "okay-you-win-but-I'm-not-happy-about-it" tone] Fifty pounds of ice, and be quick about it!

Daughter:
[throws her arms around Arthur in relieved joy that she can still have him as her beau]