The Girl from Jones Beach

Collection Agent:
Can I give you a lift?

Chuck Donovan:
I'm going to throw myself off the Brooklyn bridge.

Collection Agent:
Oh sorry. I'm going to the Bronx.

Chuck Donovan:
Night school. You've just gotten off the boat and you want to become a citizen so you enroll in her class.

Bob Randolph:
I already am a citizen.

Chuck Donovan:
So, you'll vote twice.

Bob Randolph:
It's tough leading a double... language.

Path? Newsreel Narrator:
This is the city. Cold. Heartless. Impersonal. Each night on the island called Manhattan, many a lost soul decides to give up the unequal struggle. Is it one of these carefree dancers? No. Is it this seductive hat check chick? No. Then it must be, well naturally, it's this schmo!

Path? Newsreel Narrator:
This is the modest apartment house in Long Island where Miss Ruth Wilson, the stormy petrol of the teaching profession resides. Tomorrow morning in Judge Bullfinch's court, Miss Wilson tests her civil right to teach school, even though she looks beautiful in a bathing suit!

Bob Randolph:
The Randolph Girl is a composite. I use a different model for each part of her anatomy. That girl doesn't exist. The hair is Margo's. The eyes are Diane's. The nose is Wendy's. The mouth is Karin's. The chin is Sunny's. The neck is Arlene's. The arms are Penelope's. The torso is Vickie's. The knees are Sondra's. The legs are Lorraine's. The ankles are Daphne's. Put them all together, they spell the Randolph Girl.

Chuck Donovan:
It's amazing how a dozen dames can keep a secret that long.

Bob Randolph:
Oh, each one of them thinks she's the whole girl.

Chuck Donovan:
You must have your hands full.

Chuck Donovan:
[Talking on a pay phone] She's in the Locker Room now getting dressed, I think. I'm watching for her now. Look, I'll have to hang up, there's some dame blocking my view.

Chuck Donovan:
Oh, why couldn't one of us be a girl? You'd look cute.

Chuck Donovan:
Sometimes a girl looks different with clothes on.

Ruth Wilson:
For the millionth time, Mother, I don't want a man to marry me for my looks.

Mrs. Wilson:
If I hadn't cashed in on my looks, you wouldn't be here now.

Ruth Wilson:
Beauty doesn't last. Intellectual companionship. That's the only thing that really matters between a man and a woman.

Woody Wilson:
And you spent 500 bucks gettin' her teeth straightened.

Mrs. Wilson:
A girl as pretty as you, can't make herself unattractive to men, no matter how hard she tries.

Ruth Wilson:
I haven't had any trouble with men, so far, have I mother?

Mrs. Wilson:
No, but you haven't had any fun, either.

Chuck Donovan:
Hi, beautiful. Where's your boss?

Miss Brooks:
He hasn't come down yet. Shall I tell him you're here?

Chuck Donovan:
No, thanks. I'll wait. I need the rest. I've been on a merry-go-round! I've been going steady with 12 dames at once.

Chuck Donovan:
Say, how come a girl like you isn't married or even engaged?

Miss Brooks:
Well, it's like this, I'm too intelligent for the men I attract and not beautiful enough for the men who attract me.

Chuck Donovan:
You mean she hasn't fallen for you yet?

Bob Randolph:
Well, if she were the kind of girl that just wanted to be kissed, I could handle her. But, what do you do with a girl who wants to be admired intellectually?

Chuck Donovan:
Never ran across that kind.

Bob Randolph:
You are looking at a scene on the French Riviera. Time: last year. This year's styles were frankly too hot to put on celluloid.

Bob Randolph:
[Narrating a film of bathing beauties in a courtroom] I ask you to compare these suits with that of Miss Wilson. Yet, undoubtedly there were French school teachers included in the group on the screen. Here we are now in Atlantic City. Time: 1935. Now, these suits seem harmless enough, don't they - compared with present French style. Yet, they were banned in Rye, New York and Dover, New Jersey. It is now 1910 and the one-piece bathing suit started a minor revolution. Women were shocked. But, men took a long view of the situation. And now we come to the early days of the new century. Take a look at those costumes. Anything there to object to? Yet, even this period had its blue-noses. See those policemen coming on the scene? Well, they are coming to arrest these over-dressed young women for indecent exposure.

Ruth Wilson:
Your honor, is there anything improper about this bathing suit?

Judge Bullfinch:
Oh, no, no, it's very proper - and fitting.

Ruth Wilson:
Your honor, I realize that a bathing suit belongs on a beach, not in a courtroom. But, I was merely trying to prove that a school teacher belongs in a bathing suit, just as much as any other girl.

Ruth Wilson:
It took me a long time to discover it, but, I don't think a man enjoys putting his arm around a - woman's mind.

Chuck Donovan:
We could make it a double wedding. Maybe we'll get a discount.

Connie Martin:
Why don't we all go on our honeymoon together!

Chuck Donovan:
Hey, that's an idea. You and Ruth can share one room and Bob and I the other.

Connie Martin:
Chuck, who ya kidding? [Kiss]