The Guilt Trip

Joyce Brewster:
I want the salad dressing on the side... it's a weight watchers thing.

Joyce Brewster:
Maybe you need therapy. Yeah. It helps me.

Andrew Brewster:
I don't need therapy. And since when do you go to therapy?

Joyce Brewster:
Anita and I meet once a week for coffee.

Andrew Brewster:
Well, unless you two are meeting a therapist for coffee, then you're not going to therapy. 'Cause Anita's a librarian.

Joyce Brewster:
Promise me you'll never pick up a hitchhiker, okay?

Andrew Brewster:
I promise I will never pick up a hitchhiker.

Joyce Brewster:
Good. They rape.

Andrew Brewster:
Scieoclean is the best cleaning product that's ever been invented. It's completely natural, it's completely safe, and it cleans better than any product on the market. If any of my competitors are making the same claim, all I say is, come on TV and drink your product. But I don't think you will because no one wants to sh*t blood on TV.

Joyce Brewster:
I wasn't meant to be with Andy Margolis. You see? I was meant to meet him, but I was meant to marry your father. Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have had you. Don't you see, Andy? It was always you. You're the love of my life, baby. It will always be you.

Joyce Brewster:
you want me to go to one of Gayle's miserable singles event? That's what you want? You want me whoring myself out? Put on a thong?

Andrew Brewster:
I'm going to sleep now, Ma.

Joyce Brewster:
ou know, I spent almost 30 years of my life thinking I didn't matter to someone who mattered a great deal to me. I got the answer I needed. I did. It's like Anita always says.

Andrew Brewster:
Oh, God.

Joyce Brewster:
When it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Andrew Brewster:
That's actually good advice.