The House in Nightmare Park

[talking in his sleep]

Foster Twelvetrees:
Oh... no. Melanie, don't... you mustn't... I'm saving myself for Miss Right.

[loud knocking]

Foster Twelvetrees:
Oh, no... oh Melanie...

[more knocking, he wakes]

Foster Twelvetrees:
Eh? Oh! They won't let you enjoy anything in this house.

[Foster arrives at a remote country house]

Foster Twelvetrees:
Yoo-hoo! I'm here... the entertainment's arrived! I've played empty houses before, but blimey...

[unpacking in his room, Frankie sets up a load of photographs of himself]

Foster Twelvetrees:
Not bad for 32.

[referring to the lady of the manor's pet rabbits]

Foster Twelvetrees:
Look at their little noses twitching, wonderful sense of smell, you know. I could smell them before I came round the corner... Look at them, what a lovely pair. May I stroke them? I meant the rabbits!

Reggie Henderson:
Damn moron!

Foster Twelvetrees:
Now watch it, mate!

Reggie Henderson:
The man's a cretin!

Foster Twelvetrees:
That's better.

[upon being rescued from a meat cleaver-wielding maniac]

Foster Twelvetrees:
If you hadn't come in, it would have been Sixtrees!

[commenting on the table wine]

Foster Twelvetrees:
It's a bit dry for my taste. I prefer it a bit... wetter.

[Verity faints while Foster is giving a recitation from Dickens' "The Old Curiosity Shop"]

Foster Twelvetrees:
I was just giving her my "Little Nell."

Reggie Henderson:
You filthy swine!

Foster Twelvetrees:
Do I play the piano? Does Paganini play the trumpet?

Verity Henderson:
Do you play by ear?

Foster Twelvetrees:
No, I'm going to use my fingers.

[to the coachman who abandons him a half mile from the menacing country house]

Foster Twelvetrees:
I hope your whip shrivels!