The Merry Widow

Count Danilo:
Are you pretty? Or beautiful?

Sonia:
Gorgeous.

Ambassador Popoff:
Have you ever had diplomatic relations with a woman?

Danilo:
I'm a soldier. My duty is to fight. I'm willing to die on every battlefield. But I'm not going to drink another cup of coffee!

King Achmet:
So they're blaming me, huh?

Valet:
For everything. They're even telling jokes about your majesty.

King Achmet:
Are they funny?

Valet:
No.

King Achmet:
That's bad.

Sonia:
There's a limit to every widow.

Captain Danilo:
You're the freshest Fifi I've ever met.

Sonia:
But a nice Fifi.

Captain Danilo:
How nice?

Sonia:
Not too nice.

Captain Danilo:
Your right eye says yes, and your left eye says no. Fifi, you're cockeyed!

Ambassador Popoff:
Adamovitch.

Adamovitch:
Yes, your excellency?

Ambassador Popoff:
Go to my bedroom. In the cabinet, behind his majesty's picture, is a little brown bottle of poison... Throw it away. It's a protective measure.

[Presenting a dog to the courtroom]

Prosecuting Attorney:
Exhibit 2, please. Now, generals of the jury, I will prove with this exhibit...

Defense Attorney:
Your honor, I object! I object to having this witness called an exhibit!

Prosecuting Attorney:
She IS an exhibit!

Defense Attorney:
He's a witness!

Prosecuting Attorney:
She is not!

Defense Attorney:
He is!

Judge:
Objection sustained. From now on, the prosecution will refer to Exhibit #2 as Witness #1.

King Achmet:
Now tell me, if you weren't married... if you weren't my wife, could you fall for Gabrielovitsch?

Queen Dolores:
If I weren't married... if I had it to do over again, and had the choice between you and Gabrielovitsch? Frankly, I'd take you.

[King Achmet laughs contentedly]

Queen Dolores:
That shows you what I think of Gabrielovitsch.

Queen Dolores:
Put Gabrielovitsch and Sienkovitsch together, and what have you got? Gabrielovitsch and Sienkovitsch.

Sonia:
[sitting at a dance hall table, Danilo has very reluctantly let go of Sonia's hand] Now you're acting like a gentleman. [significant pause] Please give me back my shoe.

Danilo:
May our hearts remain as cool as this champagne.