The Mirror Crack'd

Lola Brewster:
I could eat a can of Kodak and puke a better movie.

Vicar:
Oh, Mr. Rudd. I understand that you are a fillum producer.

Jason Rudd:
Oh, no, sir. A director.

Vicar:
Is there any difference?

Jason Rudd:
Yes, sir. The, uh, producer supplies all the money; the director spends it. Then the producer yells that the director is spending too much money; the director doesn't pay any attention, and goes right on spending. The director gets all the credit; the producer gets an ulcer. You see, it's all very simple; excuse me.

Lola Brewster:
You seem lovely, as always. Of course, there are fewer lights on than usual. In fact, any fewer, and I'd need a seeing-eye dog.

Marina Rudd:
Oh, I shouldn't bother to buy one, dear. In that wig, you could play Lassie.

Lola Brewster:
Same adorable sense of humor. And I'm so glad to see that you've not only kept your GORGEOUS figure, but you've added SO MUCH to it!

Marina Rudd:
What are you doing here so early, dear? I thought the plastic surgery seminar was in Switzerland.

Lola Brewster:
Actually, darling, I couldn't wait to begin our little movie. You know the saying: once an actress, always an actress.

Marina Rudd:
Oh, I do know the saying. But what does it have to do with you?

Lola Brewster:
Cute angel. So do tell. How does it feel to be back, after being away SO LONG?

Lola Brewster:
Chin up, darling... both of them.

Marina Rudd:
Lola, dear, you know, there are really only two things I dislike about you.

Lola Brewster:
Really? What are they?

Marina Rudd:
Your face.

[forgetting he's in England and picking up the phone]

Marty N. Fenn:
Get me the coast... What do you mean, what coast?

Marina Rudd:
[to Lola Brewster] What are you supposed to be, a birthday cake? Too bad everybody's HAD a piece.

Marina Rudd:
[looking in the mirror]: Bags, bags, go away. Come right back on Doris Day.

Inspector Delbert Craddock:
[speaking of Marina Rudd and Lola Brewster] I heard the two of them are close. Is that true?

Ella Zielinsky:
Close? If you put the two of them together in a tank with a shark, the shark would have an identity crisis.

Ella Zielinsky:
Marty Fenn's a producer. He only lies when he speaks.

Inspector Delbert Craddock:
[to Jason Rudd] I'm sure you'll make a fine film without the aid of Scotland Yard. I'm here about a minor matter of murder.

[Jason is taking Miss Marple to see Marina]

Jason Rudd:
Miss Marple?

Miss Jane Marple:
Yes, Mr. Rudd?

Jason Rudd:
She's dead.

Miss Jane Marple:
I rather suspected as much. And you?

Jason Rudd:
I killed her. I put poison in her hot chocolate last night. It was inevitable she would have been discovered. I... couldn't let her face the humiliation. She suffered enough.

Miss Jane Marple:
You must have loved her very much.

Marina Rudd:
I've always thought of Lola as one of my oldest *oldest* friends.