The Simpsons Game

Homer Simpson:
[while fighting Matt Groening] How dare you name me after your father!

Homer Simpson:
[while fighting the Lard Lad statue] Bart! You'll have to fight him! I'm too drunk to!

Homer Simpson:
[while fighting the Lard Lad statue] I can't hit him! He's too awesome!

Homer Simpson:
[punching the defeated Lard lad statue in the crotch] Take that Lard Crotch!

Matt Groening:
It is I, animation's most beloved visonary!

Homer Simpson:
Seth McFarlane?

William Shakespeare:
[fighting Homer and Bart] A plague on both your arses!

Bart Simpson:
If it wasn't for the pompous nature of actors, your plays would be long forgotten.

Marge Simpson:
Bart! What are you doing next to a video game store? [gasps] Buying a video game! [she snatches the game form Bart] This is going to the same place that I put your swimsuit magazines, and BB gun! Homer's underwear drawer. [she storms off]

Bart Simpson:
Oh great, now I've got nothing to play except the games I got yesterday. And I'm totally sick of those! [the Simpsons Game manual falls on Bart, who picks it up] The Simpsons Game? Hmm... the only Simpsons Game I know is when we pretend Dad isn't an alcoholic. Hey, it's a game about Springfield! With Dad as a character, and Mom, and Lisa... who'd wanna play her? [gasps] I'm in this game? I wonder what my powers are? Jumping, leaping gliding... [he turns into Bartman] All right!

Homer Simpson:
[appears clutching a gun and a magazine] Hey Bart, look what appeared in my magic drawer. Hey what's with the fruity get-up? If you're planning to come home like that don't bother.

Homer Simpson:
It's a nerd!

Will Wright:
Not just any nerd. The nerdiest nerd in all the cyberverse!

Lisa Simpson:
Dad that's Will Wright. Creator of Sim City and The Sims.

Will Wright:
Don't forget my biggest flop: Sim Sandwich Maker. It's failure drove me mad.

Lisa Simpson:
According to this you have video game powers too.

Marge Simpson:
So I can talk to fish like Aquaman? Or do whatever it is Hawkman does?

Lisa Simpson:
No, it says you have the power to make people do whatever you tell them to do.

Marge Simpson:
Just like Oprah.

Bart Simpson:
You've got video game powers on your side. It's sort of like cheating except... cheating.

Homer Simpson:
Woohoo! Cheating!

Lisa Simpson:
It's the mother ship!

Bart Simpson:
This must be the level boss for this part of the game.

Homer Simpson:
The boss! Quick act natural. [puts on business glasses and pretends to write on a clipboard]

Bart Simpson:
It's Sideshow Bob!

Sideshow Bob:
Don't bother crying out in terror. In space no one can hear you scream.

Bart Simpson:
We're not in space.

Sideshow Bob:
Well, we are on a spaceship.

Homer Simpson:
Not the same thing.

Marge Simpson:
Bart, what are you doing near a video game store?

Marge Simpson:
[gasps] Buying a video game?

Marge Simpson:
[gasps] I've heard about this. It's the game where you play a meanie-bo-beanie who murders other meanie-bo-beanies.

Marge Simpson:
I'm putting this game in the same place I put your swimsuit magazines, and your BB Gun: Homer's Underwear Drawer.

Bart Simpson:
[groans] Oh, Great. Now I have nothing to play except the games I bought yesterday. And I'm totally sick of them.

Bart Simpson:
[the Simpsons Game manual falls from heaven and lands in front of bart] The Simpsons Game? Hmm... this is so weird. [picks up manual] The only Simpsons Game I can think of is the one where we all pretend dad isn't an alcoholic. What could it be?

Bart Simpson:
Wait a second, this is a manual for a video game set in springfield! [gasp] And dad is a character! And so is mom. And lisa... who'd wanna play her? Whoa, I'm in this game! I wonder what my moves are, jumping, floating, oh man I gotta try this!

Bart Simpson:
[turns into bart man with heroic pose and wind blowing behind him] Wow, this is the only good book ever written!

Homer Simpson:
Hey boy, look what appeared in my magic drawer. Hey, what's with the fruity get-up? If you're planning on coming home like that don't bother.

Bart Simpson:
Dad, I'm a superhero now and I have all these awesome powers.

Homer Simpson:
Superpowers, huh? Well that's cool I guess. I was gonna go shoot bats while reading swimsuit magazines in this cave. Wanna come with? [Homer removes lid from manhole, Homer and Bart jump in]

Marge Simpson:
Now everyone can enjoy this game! Not just *gamers*.

Lisa Simpson:
Both sides are wrong, but yours is more so.

[a panel on a game cartridge opens up, revealing the Simpsons family from the very first Simpsons game ever made]

Homer Simpson:
Wow. We look so pixely.

Bart Simpson:
And poorly rendered.

Marge Simpson:
Which one is supposed to be me?

[when Will Wright threatens to destroy the original Simpsons game]

Homer Simpson:
[yells] You can't do this!

Will Wright:
Of course I can! I'm Will Wright, b*tch!

Marge Simpson:
[reading the newspaper] Yes! The legislative branch comes through again!

Lisa Simpson:
Uh, Mom? Keep reading.

[Marge sees a picture in the paper showing Mayor Quimby accepting a bag of money]

Marge Simpson:
Hmmm... Quimby's cozying up to that sleazy video game producer. That really burns my beehive!

[when sending the mob out to attack someone]

Marge Simpson:
Beat the violence out of them!

[while fighting the dolphins]

Lisa Simpson:
Watch out, Bart! They're smarter than you!

Kent Brockman:
Good evening Springfield! Kent Brockman here, chasing local imbecile, Homer Simpson, and his delinquent son, Bart, who've picked a fight with an out of control donut mascot statue!

[when sending dog mob to attack a Scratchy gangster]

Marge Simpson:
Increase the peace... through violence!

[when ordering dog mob to repair a house]

Marge Simpson:
Unpimp the house!

[when Bart kills an alien]

Homer Simpson:
Way to go, fruit of my loom!

[when Bart kills an alien]

Homer Simpson:
Atta boy! Kill things that are different!

Marge Simpson:
Sorry, Poochy, but even you aren't extreme enough to resist the power of a stay-at-home mom with too much time on her hands!

8-Bit Lisa Simpson:
One day, your video game too will be obsolete.

Bart Simpson:
No way! The Simpsons Game is awesome! Just because every video game up until now has been destroyed and forgotten doesn't mean ours will be.

Lisa Simpson:
Bart, she's right. I mean, I'm right. We're both right. No video game is safe from an industry that's always chasing the hot new thing! Sure, The Simpsons Game is great with it's unique upgradable character abilities, and it's hilarious self referential cut scenes, but what about when the Xbox 720 comes out, or the PlayStation 4? No one will want to play us then.

Planetarium Announcer:
How often are you supposed to wash your hair? It's bad if you do it every day, right?

Planetarium Guy:
Pluto is the only planet not yet studied closely by the space probe, cuz it's booooring!

Planetarium Guy:
Constant storms rage across the surface of neptune. Who do I have to screw to get a cup of coffee around here? I've been recording this stuff for hours, yeesh!

Planetarium Guy:
An asteroid belt separates the 4 inner planets from the 5 outer planets. My belt separates my gut from my junk.

Planetarium Guy:
Saturn's seven rings are made of billions of ice particles. Just like the heart of my ex wife.

Planetarium Guy:
In college, I ate another guy's barf to get into a fraternity.

Planetarium Guy:
Armageddon. Best second act in movie history.

Planetarium Guy:
What's with Flava Flav and the clock?

Planetarium Guy:
Funny story - I killed the guy who was supposed to make me read the stuff about the planets.

Sonic the Hedgehog:
I used to be so... fast.

Lisa Simpson:
If our life's a video game, then this must be the game engine.

Homer Simpson:
I'm not a video game character. I'm a real person with feelings and dreams and...

[accidentally walks off a the edge and falls only to reappear next to them again]

Homer Simpson:
Okay I'm a video game thingie.