Cabin Boy 
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Nathanial Mayweather: Paps, you've been like the drunken, abusive grandfather I never had.
Paps: Ah, stop that. You'll have my glass eye foggin' over.
Nathanial Mayweather: Oh, cappy, tell me about all of this. Tell me about the sea. What does it mean to you?
Captain Greybar: Basically, money. I come from six generations of seamen all with the same goal in life: catch fish, sell 'em, get drunk, and get laid.
Nathanial: I love sitting up here, looking at those bright, twinkly things in the sky, I forget their technical name.
Old Salt in Fishing Village: Would you like to buy a monkey?
Nathanial Mayweather: I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness!
Cupcake: Now I know what you're thinking. "What could be stranger than a big fatass floatin' cupcake?" Heh. How about one that spits tobacco?
Nathanial Mayweather: These pipes are clean!
Old Salt in Fishing Village: Man, oh man, I hate those fancy lads!
Kenny: Mmmm. Gum.
Skunk: We're just here to catch fish and stink.
Paps: Mostly the latter.
Trina: And secondly, don't ever call me missy again or you'll end up losing the rest of your teeth.
Paps: Sassy little thang ain't she? Want me to give her a SPANKING?
Skunk: Why doesn't she give ME a spanking?