Caine Mutiny

Lt. Keith:
Situation quiet; the Captain's been put away for the night.

Barney Greenwald:
I don't want to upset you too much, but at the moment you have an excellent chance of being hanged.

Lt. Keith:
Well, he's certainly Navy.

Lt. Keefer:
Yeah... so was Captain Bligh.

Lieutenant Tom Keefer:
Will you look at the man? He's a Freudian delight; he crawls with clues!

Barney Greenwald:
I'm going to be frank with you two. I've read the preliminary investigation very carefully and I think that what you've done stinks.

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
And now we come to the man who should have stood trial. The Caine's favorite author. The Shakespeare whose testimony nearly sunk us all. Tell 'em, Keefer.

Lt. Tom Keefer:
No, you go ahead. You're telling it better.

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
You ought to read his testimony. He never even HEARD of Captain Queeg!

Lt. Steve Maryk:
Let's forget it, Barney.

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
Queeg was sick, he couldn't help himself. But you, you're real healthy. Only you didn't have one-tenth the guts that he had.

Lt. Tom Keefer:
Except I never fooled myself, Mr. Greenwald.

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
I wanna drink a toast to you, Mr. Keefer. From the beginning you hated the Navy. And then you thought up this whole idea and you managed to keep your skirts nice and starched and clean, even in the court martial. Steve Maryk will always be remembered as a mutineer. But you, you'll publish your novel, you'll make a million bucks, you'll marry a big movie star, and for the rest of your life you'll live with your conscience, if you have any. Here's to the real author of the Caine mutiny. Here's to you, Mr. Keefer.

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
If you wanna do anything about it, I'll be outside. I'm a lot drunker than you are - so it'll be a fair fight.

Captain DeVriess:
Disappointed they assigned you to a minesweeper, Keith?

Ensign Willie Keith:
Well sir, to be honest, yes sir.

Captain DeVriess:
You saw yourself on a carrier, or a battleship, no doubt.

Ensign Willie Keith:
Yes sir, I had hoped-...

Captain DeVriess:
Well, I only "hope" that you're good enough for the Caine.

Ensign Willie Keith:
I shall try to be worthy of this assignment, sir.

Captain DeVriess:
She's not a battleship or a carrier; the Caine is a beaten-up tub. After 18 months of combat it takes 24 hours a day just to keep her in one piece.

Lt. Keefer:
This is the engine room; to operate, all you need is any group of well-trained monkeys. 99 percent of everything we do is strict routine. Only one percent requires creative intelligence.

Captain Queeg:
Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officers...

Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg:
Mr. Maryk, you may tell the crew for me that there are four ways of doing things aboard my ship: The right way, the wrong way, the Navy way, and my way. They do things my way, and we'll get along.

Lieutenant Tom Keefer:
"There is no escape from the Caine, save death. We're all doing penance, sentenced to an outcast ship, manned by outcasts, and named after the greatest outcast of them all."

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
Too bad we can't use you as an expert on psychiatry Mr. Keefer, after all, you made the diagnosis.

Captain Queeg:
Get that red-headed fellow over there, that one there!

Lt. Keith:
Sir, it's impossible to tell which one is red-headed. They're all wearing their helmets.

Captain Queeg:
Keith - you're an idiot!

Captain Queeg:
This is the captain speaking. Some misguided sailors on this ship still think they can pull a fast one on me. Well they're very much mistaken. Since you've taken this course the innocent will be punished with the guilty. There will be no liberty for any member of this crew for three months. I will not be made a fool of. Do you hear me.

Whittaker:
Mr Maryk, Mr Kieth. The captain wants a meeting with all officers right away.

Lt. Maryk:
Now? At one o'clock in the morning?

Whittaker:
Yes sir.

Lt. Maryk:
Do you know what it's about?

Whittaker:
Yes sir - strawberries.

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
Doctor. You have testified that the following symptoms exist in Lieutenant-Commander Queeg's behavior. Rigidity of personality, feelings of persecution, unreasonable suspicion, a mania for perfection, and a neurotic certainty that he is always in the right. Doctor isn't there one psychiatric term for this illness?

Doctor Dickson:
I never said there was any illness.

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
Now you're learning, Willie. You don't support your captain because you like him; you support him because without him you're nothing!

Lt. Steve Maryk:
Lt. Geenwald, will you take our case?

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
I'd much rather prosecute.

Court-Martial Board Member:
Proceed carefully, Mr. Greenwald. You are questioning the reputation of a long serving officer in the United States Navy.

Lt. Barney Greenwald:
It is not my intention to question the courage of Lt. Commander Queeg. No man who is a coward rises to the command of a naval warship. The question is rather if Commander Queeg showed the judgement suited for command at that specific time and if Lt. Maryk was justified in relieving him.

Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith:
How do we plead?

Barney Greenwald:
Your case depends on Maryk.

Lt. Steve Maryk:
Well then how do I plead?

Barney Greenwald:
Not guilty, of course. You're a great naval hero!

Lt. Keith:
Single up all lines!

Lt. Keith:
Stand by to cast off!