Pvt. Smiley:
When a man is forced by bitter circumstances to drink water, you might have the common decency to turn the other way.

Pvt. Connors:
Say, is this really a repeater?

Quartermaster Sergeant:
A repeater? Son, you can load this on Sunday and shoot it all week.

Miles Archer:
I don't get it. Indians don't like to fight at night.

Grover Johnson, Artist:
Why?

Miles Archer:
Because if they get killed in the dark it'll always be dark in their happy hunting grounds.

Grover Johnson, Artist:
Well, if they had squaws with them, they would hardly be on the warpath, would they?

Miles Archer:
Anybody who tells you he can figure Indians - he's lyin'!

Miles Archer:
They'll charge again as soon as they pick a new chief.

Pvt. Cullen:
All the women west of the Mississippi and we got to wind up with a war chief's bride!

Pvt. Ryan:
I was shot at by the whole Confederate army... you think I'm scared of one husband?

Pvt. Cullen:
Well, sir, when I get drunk I forget what I do and I steal.

Miles Archer:
Uh-huh.

Pvt. Cullen:
And when I steal, I want to forget what I did so I get drunk.

Miles Archer:
I just get drunk

Pvt. Wilhelm:
Yeah; I'll just fill my pipe!

Pvt. Wilhelm:
AAH!