Chris Rock: Never Scared [2004]

Chris Rock: Never Scared is the hot comic's fourth HBO special and proves as disciplined and trenchant as his previous cable concerts. Announcing he's a recent father, Rock proclaims his biggest job is keeping his daughter "off the pole," i.e., steering her away from the life of a stripper. Warming to the theme, Rock asks why so many strippers earn money to pay for expensive tuitions yet he's never received "a smart lap dance." Things turn topical as Rock argues that his government won't solve the murders of rappers. ("More people saw Tupac get shot than watched the last episode of Seinfeld.") After taking broadsides at Michael Jackson ("Ed Bradley tried his best to make Michael look like a mammal!") and David Blaine ("Are we so desperate we fall for a trickless magician?"), Rock builds to a near-lecture (funny, though) on why white America won't let people of color acquire real wealth. --Tom Keogh

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Chris Rock:
The number one reason people hate America, the number one reason is because of our religion. Americans worship money, we worship money. Seperate God from school, seperate God from work, seperate God from government but on your money it says in God we trust. All my life I've been looking for God and He's right in my pocket. Americans worship money, and we all go to the same church the church of ATM, everywhere you look there's a new branch popping up... remind you about how much money you got and how much money you don't got. And if you got less than twenty dollars the machine won't even talk to you. The machine is like you better go see a teller. You ever go to a teller and try to take out eight dollars and fifty cents? Oh it's disgusting... oh man you gotta wait on that long ass line, people doing real transactions in front of you, you get on to the fucking front you fill out your form eight fifty. The fucking teller looks at it she look at you she looks at the check she don't even take the money out of the drawer she take it out of her pocket, "here you go get out of here." And here's something man drugs are illegal but ATM machines are open twenty four hours a day. Twenty four hours a day. For who? Who the fuck is it open for? Have you ever taken out three hundred dollars at four o'clock in the morning for something positive. Shit when you press that machine at four o'clock in the morning I think a psychiatrist should pop up on the screen an go "c'mon man, save your money man. Don't buy drugs buy some rims. They spinning nigger they spinning they spinning nigger they spinning." Americans worship money. Shit you know why banks are closed on Sunday? Cos if they wasn't church would be empty.

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