Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe

Who would have guessed that before politicking for governor, policing the galaxy was penciled in on Jesse "the Body" Ventura's curriculum vitae, right after professional wrestler? As Abraxas, Ventura plays a bi-Galaxian cop who chases a rogue law enforcer from the northern stars to the North Woods of Minnesota. "Good cop, bad cop" takes on a whole new meaning when Abraxas pursues the evil Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen) through assorted snow banks, evergreens, and a winter wonderland of death traps, en route to a final confrontation involving the anti-life equation, a limitless power source for the power-hungry Secundus. Not surprisingly, his acquisition of the anti-life equation will end life on this planet as we know it. Will Abraxas prevail? Helping Ventura wrestle with this question is Sonia, portrayed by Marjorie Bransfield, a young innocent, immaculately impregnated by Secundus. James Belushi, as an earthling law-enforcement type, lends a late helping hand. Unfortunately, the biography portion of the DVD neglects to illuminate Ventura's earlier career, when he ably presided over a much smaller jurisdiction than Abraxas. As a pro wrestler, Ventura typically clocked in for work in a pink boa, wraparound shades, and kicky short-shorts--a much livelier uniform than that issued to guardians of the universe. --Stephan Magcosta

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