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Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe Quotes (1991)
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Famous Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe Quotations
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Who would have guessed that before politicking for governor, policing the galaxy was penciled in on Jesse "the Body" Ventura's curriculum vitae, right after professional wrestler? As Abraxas, Ventura plays a bi-Galaxian cop who chases a rogue law enforcer from the northern stars to the North Woods of Minnesota. "Good cop, bad cop" takes on a whole new meaning when Abraxas pursues the evil Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen) through assorted snow banks, evergreens, and a winter wonderland of death traps, en route to a final confrontation involving the anti-life equation, a limitless power source for the power-hungry Secundus. Not surprisingly, his acquisition of the anti-life equation will end life on this planet as we know it. Will Abraxas prevail? Helping Ventura wrestle with this question is Sonia, portrayed by Marjorie Bransfield, a young innocent, immaculately impregnated by Secundus. James Belushi, as an earthling law-enforcement type, lends a late helping hand. Unfortunately, the biography portion of the DVD neglects to illuminate Ventura's earlier career, when he ably presided over a much smaller jurisdiction than Abraxas. As a pro wrestler, Ventura typically clocked in for work in a pink boa, wraparound shades, and kicky short-shorts--a much livelier uniform than that issued to guardians of the universe. --Stephan Magcosta
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- Abraxas: Hello. I suppose you're not tired. Do you want to sit up here with me? I'll tell you a story. It's about two men who were partners. »
- Abraxas: It's over.
Secundus: Right. I win. The girl will bear my child, and he will be the answer.
Abraxas: Why? You had it all. An almost immortal lifespan. Virtually unlimited power!
Secundus: Almost? Virtually? It's not enough, when I can have it all! The key is the birth of a comater. The comater will be able to compute the anti-life equation. That child will be a comater. Join me. To stop me now, you have to kill the girl. I know you, you can't do that.
Abraxas' Answer Box: Communication from command: Secundus will be transported to penal planet Tyrannus 7, a travel warp is operative.
Secundus: HAHAHA! It doesn't matter! I win... see you soon Abraxas. »
- Deputy White: All right, so who do you think these guys are, Shriners? »
- Father: So what makes you think you can locate my 4-by-4?
Abraxas: My box has VD, trust me.
Mother: Your what?
Abraxas: VD. Vibrational Detection. »
- Garage Owner: Hey, what are you doin' in my shop?
Secundus: I am recharging my answerbox.
Garage Owner: Whatever the hell that is, you sure picked the wrong place to do it.
Secundus: You're quite a big man.
Garage Owner: Big enough to take you, pal!
Secundus: Yes?
Secundus: Test for the anti-life equation!
Secundas' Answer Box: Subject does not posses the anti-life equation, testing will result in discorporation.
Secundus: RUN THE TEST!
Secundus: You failed. »
- Hite: You've endangered the lives of millions of people for the sake of one woman and one child.
Abraxas: I think you're over-dramatizing the situation, Hite. »
- Secundus: Are you a birthing member of the human race?
Sonia: Huh?
Secundus: I need your body! »
- Secundus: I'm looking for a man. A wo-man.
Cocky Youth: Women. Ah, you're looking for women. Like exotic dancers.
Secundus: I'm not familiar with the term “exotic dancer”.
Secundas' Answer Box: Exotic dancers are birthing members of this species performing contemporary fertility rites. »
- Secundus: Put your gun in my pocket!
Secundus: Follow me, and she dies! Have a nice day! »
- Secundus: What's this?
First Waitress: The bill.
Secundus: Did I order this?
First Waitress: Everybody gets one.
Secundus: I see.
Secundus: Very pleasant. »
- Sheriff Sharp: So what are you doing for Christmas?
Deputy White: Well, I was going to go home to see my parents but they don't like me very much.
Sheriff Sharp: Sure they do.
Deputy White: Anyways I got a lot of work to catch up on. I'm going to stay in town. I'll clean my guns or something. »
- Teacher: Can I help you?
Secundus: Bring me the comater.
Teacher: What?
Secundus: I said: Bring me the comater, or I will kill all these children... one at the time!
Secundus: I looooove children. »
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