I'm gonna wake up to hell tomorrow, man. Those credit cards ain't gonna look nice, man. But I'm always a man for my word. Mike Schank, you happy?
Yeah, I'm happy.
How happy are you, man?
I'm very happy.
Well good, man, cuz don't drink. You're gonna set the world's record. OK, man. I'm cooled down, but... Hey I'm serious, man. If I missed somebody or anything, man, thanks a million for, uh, for helping out, man. Cuz I... I couldn't of, whatever, done it.
I was called to the bathroom at the cemetery to take care of something. I walked in the bathroom, and in the middle toilet right there... somebody didn't shit in the toilet, somebody shat on the toilet. They shat on the wall, they shat on the floor. I had to clean it up, man, but before that, for about 10 to 15 seconds man, I just stared at somebody's shit, man. To be totally honest with you, man, it was a really, really profound moment. Cuz I was thinkin', "I'm 30 years old, and in about 10 seconds I gotta start cleaning up somebody's shit, man."
Last night, man, I was so drunk, I was calling Morocco, man. Trying to get to the Hotel Hilton at Tangiers in Casablanca, man. That's pathetic, man. Is that what you wanna do with your life? Suck down peppermint schnapps and try to call Morocco at 2:00 in the morning? That's senseless. But that's what happens, man.
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"American Movie: The Making of Northwestern Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2016. Web. 1 May 2016. <http://www.quotes.net/movies/American Movie: The Making of Northwestern>.