Donnie:
I promise, that one day, everything's going to be better for you.

Donnie:
First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?

Donnie:
How can you do that?

Frank:
I can do anything I want. And so can you.

Donnie:
Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.

Karen Pommeroy:
It was as though this plan had been with him all his life, pondered through the seasons, now in his fifteenth year crystallized with the pain of puberty.

Donnie:
I made a new friend today.

Dr. Lilian Thurman:
Real or imaginary?

Donnie:
Imaginary.

Frank:
28 days... six hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.

Eddie:
That damn airline better not fuck us on the shingle match.

Gretchen:
You're weird.

Donnie:
Sorry.

Gretchen:
No, that was a compliment.

Karen Pommeroy:
This could be the death of an entire way of life, the end of an era...

Donnie:
Why should we care?

Karen Pommeroy:
Because the rabbits are us, Donnie.

Donnie:
Why should I mourn for a rabbit like he was human?

Karen Pommeroy:
Are you saying that the death of one species is less tragic than another?

Donnie:
Of course. The rabbit's not like us. It has no... keen look at something in the mirror, it has no history books, no photographs, no knowledge of sorrow or regret... I mean, I'm sorry, Miss Pommeroy, don't get me wrong; y'know, I like rabbits and all. They're cute and they're horny. And if you're cute and you're horny, then you're probably happy, in that you don't know who you are and why you're even alive. And you just wanna' have sex, as many times as possible, before you die... I mean, I just don't see the point in crying over a dead rabbit! Y'know, who... who never even feared death to begin with.

Donnie:
Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?

Frank:
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

Gretchen:
Donnie Darko? What the hell kind of name is that? It's like some sort of superhero or something

Donnie:
What makes you think I'm not?

Kitty Farmer:
No. Duh is a product of fear.

Kitty Farmer:
I'll tell you what he said. He asked me to forcibly insert the Life Line exercise card into my anus.

Roberta Sparrow:
Every living creature on this earth dies alone.

Gretchen:
...what if you could go back in time, and take all those hours of pain and darkness and replace them with something better?

Donnie:
You are such a fuckass.

Elizabeth:
Did you just call me a fuckass? You can go suck a fuck.

Donnie:
Oh, please, tell me Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?

Donnie:
Frank, when's this gonna stop?

Frank:
You should already know that.

Dr. Lilian Thurman:
The search for God is absurd?

Donnie:
It is if everyone dies alone.

Jim Cunningham:
Son... DO YOU SEE THIS? This is an Anger Prisoner. A textbook example. DO YOU SEE THE FEAR, PEOPLE? This boy is scared to death of the truth. Son, it breaks my heart to say this, but I believe you are a very troubled and confused young man. I believe you are searching for the answers in all the wrong places...

Donnie:
You're right, actually. I am pretty- I'm, I'm pretty troubled and I'm, I'm pretty confused. But I. . .and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I... I... I think you're the fucking Antichrist.

Kitty Farmer:
Not only am I a teacher, but I am also the mother of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the only person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge.

Gretchen:
My mom had to get a restraining order against my step dad. He has emotional problems.

Donnie:
Oh, I have those too. What kind does your step dad have?

Gretchen:
He stabbed my mom four times in the chest.

Donnie:
Oh.

Edward Darko:
Tell 'em, George.

Samantha Darko:
What's a fuckass?

Rose Darko:
Do you even know who Graham Greene is?

Kitty Farmer:
I think we've all seen Bonanza.

Prof. Kenneth Monnitoff:
I am not going to be able to continue this conversation

Donnie:
Why?

Prof. Kenneth Monnitoff:
I could lose my job.

Cherita Chen:
Chut up.

Dr. Lilian Thurman:
If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law, there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories.

Dr. Lilian Thurman:
If this world were to end, there would only be you... and him... and no one else.

Frank:
Wake up, Donnie.

Prof. Kenneth Monnitoff:
And did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness? That maybe darkness is part of their natural development.

Gretchen:
Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood.

Donnie:
Well look, um... uh... you wanna go with me?

Gretchen:
Where do you wanna go?

Donnie:
No, I mean like go with me, like you know... like, that's what we call it here... going together...

Gretchen:
Sure

Donnie:
Ok-hey where're you going?

Gretchen:
I'm going home.

Donnie:
Well I-I, sorry I...

Gretchen:
Donnie wait...

Donnie:
I like you a lot...

Gretchen:
I just want it to be... at a time when... it...

Donnie:
When what?

Gretchen:
When it reminds me just...

Donnie:
When it reminds you of how beautiful the world can be?

Gretchen:
Yeah...

Gretchen:
and right now there's some fat guy over there staring at us.

Kitty Farmer:
Okay, now girls... I want you to concentrate. Failure is not an option. And Bethany, if you feel the need to vomit up there... just swallow it.

Donnie:
Ling Ling finds a wallet on the ground filled with money. She takes the wallet to the address on the driver's license but keeps the money inside the wallet.

Donnie:
I-I'm sorry Mrs. Farmer. I don't get this.

Donnie:
Life isn't that simple. I mean who cares if Ling Ling returns the wallet and keeps the money? It has nothing to do with either fear or love.

Kitty Farmer:
Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions.

Donnie:
Okay. But you're not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here. Like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can't just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else!

Donnie:
My parents didn't get me what I wanted for Christmas.

Dr. Lilian Thurman:
What did you want?

Donnie:
Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Dr. Lilian Thurman:
And how did you feel, being denied these hungry, hungry hippos?

Donnie:
Regret.

Karen Pommeroy:
This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Cellar Door is the most beautiful.

Elizabeth:
I'm voting for Dukakis.

Donnie:
I don't think about fucking my family... that's gross.

Gretchen:
Hey. What's going on?

David:
Horrible accident. My neighbour... got killed.

Gretchen:
What happened?

David:
Got smooshed by a jet engine.

Gretchen:
What was his name?

David:
Donnie. Donnie Darko.

Gretchen:
Hmm.

David:
I feel bad for his family.

Gretchen:
Yeah.

David:
Did you know him?

Gretchen:
No.

Seth Devlin:
Did you fucking call the cops?

Donnie:
Deus ex machina...

Seth Devlin:
What?

Donnie:
Our saviour.