Jacob:
Martini. Dry and dirty, like my mother.

La Penis Woman:
How come I never get to talk to the camera?

Jacob:
Because you scare people.

Jacob:
Did you know that Jesus was a black man?

La Religious Girl:
Excuse me?

Jacob:
Oh, yeah. Hair like wool, skin like bronze. It's in your Bible. Jesus probably looked more like Ike Turner, but without that "I'm gonna beat ya, woman" look in his eyes.

Lizzie:
I fantasize about finding a man who doesn't blame my moods on my cycle!

Le Creepy Guy:
I fantasize about the Olsen Twins goin' down on me.

Jacob:
So you're charming and kind?

C.B.:
And you're startling and male.

Jacob:
There it is.